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Old 11-16-2006, 05:08 AM   #51
markwalsh
Dojo: Airenjuku Brighton
Location: On the road - UK
Join Date: Jul 2003
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Re: Nonviolent Communication

Thanks for reassurance Peter - appreciate your care and contribution as an individual, and as you say, showing how one can lead and still have a personal opinion.

I chose to enter this experiment with you as you asked some hard questions, so would stretch me and NVC - a better demonstration than a partner who "jumps." Looking back it may have been overly brave/foolish (non-NVC judgments), but am glad there is no flaming as a result, and seems to have turned out OK.

Respectfully,
Mark
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Old 11-16-2006, 05:34 AM   #52
Peter Goldsbury
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Dojo: Hiroshima Kokusai Dojo
Location: Hiroshima, Japan
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Re: Nonviolent Communication

Quote:
Mark Walsh wrote:
Thanks for reassurance Peter - appreciate your care and contribution as an individual, and as you say, showing how one can lead and still have a personal opinion.

I chose to enter this experiment with you as you asked some hard questions, so would stretch me and NVC - a better demonstration than a partner who "jumps." Looking back it may have been overly brave/foolish (non-NVC judgments), but am glad there is no flaming as a result, and seems to have turned out OK.

Respectfully,
Mark
Hello Mark,

One of the reasons why I have become much more cautious in making definitive judgments about communication is that I have learned how to communicate in Japanese and I am always comparing how communication goes on in this medium with my English native-speaker intuitions. A very important point here is the fine and sensitive distinction made between uchi and soto (insiders and outsiders) and between tatemae and honne (public/official and private/unofficial, even in a medium like Internet discussion forums. By March next year I will have completed 27 years residence here and some of this sensitivity cannot fail to have rubbed off on me.

So one of the initial problems I have had with NVC is the danger of oversimplification of an exceedingly complex process. Communication seems so simple that even a child can do it, but so much is taken for granted in the process and there is always the danger of non-communication or miscommunication (and this is only at the level of transacting information). Since there is no face-to-face interaction, I think that the danger is magnified on the Internet.

Nevertheless, I do not think our experiment was foolish at all and I think we have both learned much from it.

Best wishes,

P A Goldsbury
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Old 11-16-2006, 09:42 AM   #53
markwalsh
Dojo: Airenjuku Brighton
Location: On the road - UK
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Smile Re: Nonviolent Communication

Interesting distinctions Peter - thanks. I am somewhat jealous of a family member in the army who sends clearly labeled e-mails - Classified (red) or Unclassified (green). Very helpful. The subtleties of communication that Japanese culture is known for appeal to me (am a great haiku lover) to suggest is sometimes more beautiful than to state obviously. I also worry about them as I value authenticity, intimacy and clarity, and often my interactions with Japanese people have not met these needs. Of course I am generalizing a cultural trait here and so not wish to make a "blanket" statement.

I note that Japan and England are both noted for their poetry internationally, and both considered "emotionally tight" as one Brazilian friend stated (less offensive ways to voice this - perhaps that both cultures value emotional maturity or control).

Re simplicity - Reductionism in any system is a worry for me too. I've come to see the simple NVC kata of observations, feeling, needs and requests as more of a learning tool though. A comparison: We practice shomen-uchi ikkyo or kokyu dosa in a classic form to learn aiki principles that can then be applied to any encounter.

I've found that Internet communication is dangerous as you say - also interested that there seems to be more aggressive communication/misunderstanding on the net than face to face, and wondering if there are ways to reduce this? Maybe emoticons were invented to help :-) as they show tone and feelings. Incidentally 5 are "positive" 1 neutral and 18 showing that needs are mnot being met (eg angry, sad, bored) - of those available on Aiki Web.
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Old 11-16-2006, 11:08 AM   #54
markwalsh
Dojo: Airenjuku Brighton
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Re: Nonviolent Communication

Will kick start AikiNVC list in next few days - 21 names so far, with representation from 7 countries and 5 US States. Very happy with this response :-)

E-mail if you would like inclusion.
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Old 11-30-2006, 05:40 PM   #55
Brad Pruitt
Dojo: High Desert Aikido
Location: Bend, Oregon
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Re: Nonviolent Communication

[quote=Peter A Goldsbury]

I do not think the IAF is set up to be a power-based organization and one of the reasons why I participate quite actively in forums such as this one is to show that it can be done: that it is possible to lead a large international aikido organization and also to be an individual, with ideas and opinions.

]
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Old 11-30-2006, 05:44 PM   #56
Brad Pruitt
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Re: Nonviolent Communication

[quote=Peter A Goldsbury]

I do not think the IAF is set up to be a power-based organization and one of the reasons why I participate quite actively in forums such as this one is to show that it can be done: that it is possible to lead a large international aikido organization and also to be an individual, with ideas and opinions.



Peter,

I just wanted to say that I thought this was a great response especially the last bit.

Brad Pruitt
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