Practicing Ikea

Wasn't Ikea originally a Viking store where they served spam

Cherie Cornmesser wrote: I'm seriously considering getting an akita.

One of my friends asks me about my Akita all the time and of course I'm always more than happy to tell her all about it. I keep mentioning Akita to my mom as well, but she doesn't seem as interested, probably because she already has four Miniature Pinschers. Some of her friends even call her "Min Pin Patty," because she loves her min pins so much. I can somewhat relate to her enthusiasm because I wrestled in high school, but the concept of a four min pin seems a bit foreign to me since our rounds only lasted for three min.

Cherie Cornmesser wrote: I am really working on finding my key.

My instructor's name is Lach and he's more in tune with his key than I can possibly believe. In any technique he performs, he always adds just a little bit of extra twist for good measure. In fact, one of his reasons for liking Aikido so much is that he felt it was calling out to him, because there are no punches and no kicks, but plenty of lachs.

At the beginning of each practice when he tells the class to get on the mat, a swarm of female students all swarm around and group hug me, which is perfect form if you ask me. I may be a tad biased though, because I'm a long time admirer of the female form.

Excuse me for kicking this topic.
Let me humbly introduce myself: Anne, black belt in mastering Ikea assembly
I rule!

Anne-Marieke van Rooij wrote: Excuse me for kicking this topic. Let me humbly introduce myself: Anne, black belt in mastering Ikea assembly I rule!

Sadly, Anne-Marieke it is plain that you have been led terribly astray -- and have not had the opportunity to come up to speed on the current debates on the True Ikea -- on which, of course, there can be no debate, unless of course you already agree with those in the discussion -- in which case you can debate all you want, as long as there is no disagreement about Ikea that needs discussing. Because all disagreeable discussion is useless and all it take is one touch of true Ikea to end all debate -- and much of the warranties, also ... and on which there is much ... discussion.

But to move on to the true Ikea ...

Clearly, you are doing your assembly externally. The true Ikea is internal. External art is less painful and less worthy than taking the shortest internal route to the hara, and there is only one such path. This is the sign of all true seekers of Ikea. Acceptance of this internally will deeply change you and your ways of assembly. All external assembly arts merely pretend to be the True Ikea -.... and this is also the mark of deeply inferior marital art, -- and also of martial art...

Ikea has to be worked deeply into you so it changes you -- and then Ikea just assembles itself. It involves much solo work, but only if you have been give in hands-on training by those who are known to have had Ikea in them. Ikea involves maintaining the contradictory colors of blue and yellow -- worked in spiral oppositions -- on motorized driveshafts -- and with door-hinges that hit people and make them cry -- or so it is said by those who say that of other people who say how many people say how much Ikea that they are full of ...

I just read this entire thread while drinking my morning coffee, and want to thank you all for starting my day with a laugh.

However, now I am feeling very sad, because I myself have never known the true Ikea. I admit to having wasted years searching for the essence of Ikea in... Target practice.

Dear Eric,

It took quite some time to respond to your post. Most of that time I was ROTFLOL and re-re-reading it. Thank you so much for giving me so much insight into the deepest thoughts concerning the True Practice. I truly and humbly would like to thank you for putting me back to my bare feet into the clay soil of the town I was born.

Seriously, I just wish you could understand the answers I would give on your post in Dutch, however .... translating my True Feelings on the Insights I got from you all still gives me some trouble.

Domo arigato
Anne

Anita Dacanay wrote: I just read this entire thread while drinking my morning coffee, and want to thank you all for starting my day with a laugh. However, now I am feeling very sad, because I myself have never known the true Ikea. I admit to having wasted years searching for the essence of Ikea in... Target practice.

Well, dear Anita, what colour is your screen after this experience

You're always welcome to join me and be a welcome guest to my household as I only live a 15 minute drive away from the nearest Ikea store. It will only take a modest 12 hr journey to get here, but just imagine the life-long experience you could gain from that.

Anne-Marieke van Rooij wrote: Dear Eric, I truly and humbly would like to thank you for putting me back to my bare feet into the clay soil of the town I was born. Anne

Wait... does this mean that you are a direct student of the founder of Ikea, Ingvar Kamprad?

Anyone care to explain how the ranking system works? Test requirements and so forth?

Seriously.. glad you are all still enjoying this thread.

Thanks for the invitation, Anne. I would be honored to make such a pilgrimage... as soon as I can afford the airfare!

Have been trying (and failing) to laugh quietly b/c my housemate is asleep...

Here, down in the west, we do not have ikea, only nitori, which has a distinct advantage: you always have to practise with two ukes all the time.

Peter A Goldsbury wrote: Here, down in the west, we do not have ikea, only nitori, which has a distinct advantage: you always have to practise with two ukes all the time.

Nitori is the Japanese version of Ikea and as such is too restricted by antiquated Kata-based assembly methods to develop into true Ikea.

Oisin Bourke wrote: Nitori is the Japanese version of Ikea and as such is too restricted by antiquated Kata-based assembly methods to develop into true Ikea.

But what about Nadep and Nafco? Surely they reach the secret parts that Nitori, and obviously Ikea, cannot penetrate.

Peter A Goldsbury wrote: But what about Nadep and Nafco? Surely they reach the secret parts that Nitori, and obviously Ikea, cannot penetrate.

Nay, sir.

Only one has abandoned false doctrine and now adopted the True Path -- fully conforming themselves to the ineffable Way:

Well....

And then there is this guy...

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...bb&oe=57B10A61

My wife is practises Ikea. She's a blackbelt for sure!