Welcome to AikiWeb Aikido Information
AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information
AikiWeb's principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.

Sections
home
aikido articles
columns

Discussions
forums
aikiblogs

Databases
dojo search
seminars
image gallery
supplies
links directory

Reviews
book reviews
video reviews
dvd reviews
equip. reviews

News
submit
archive

Miscellaneous
newsletter
rss feeds
polls
about

Follow us on



Home > AikiWeb Aikido Forums
Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > Humor

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-16-2005, 06:36 AM   #1
Zato Ichi
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 129
Offline
Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.

In the proud (?) tradition of this and this, here's a preview of the upcoming 2nd Edition D&D (Dojo & Dogi) Player's Handbook:

------------------------

Races
Thug -- The biological equivalent of bulldozers, thugs are a huge powerfully built race. In fact, some of the smarter orcs and fruities have actually tricked thugs into becoming bulldozers to build their own towns, and saved a bundle doing it. Because thugs are classified as construction equipment, they aren't required to be paid and have no unions. Generally, thugs are - shall we say - otnay ootay ightbray.

Orc -- Darth Vader without the cool factor is the best way to describe an orc. They also can't do that kick ass trick where you can choke someone from across the room. Nevertheless, orcs have a viscious streak which is only matched by their body oder: orcs never bath… smelliness is a badge of honour. Some of the older, more powerful orc shihan can use their oder to render an opponent unconscious before they get within two meters of them!

Fruitie -- Compared to the brutish thugs and violent orcs, fruities live lives of carefree abandonment. A lithe, quick race who radiate calm into their surroundings, fruities are the envy of many an interior designer and hair stylist. Fruities also have the greatest tendency to have an affinity for ki, although this is offset by the fact that brute force will get you the same results and much faster.

Character Classes
Shodo - Also known as grunts or cannon fodder, shodo take a straight forward approach to combat: atemi, atemi, and if that doesn't work, more atemi.
Starting Waza (choose two) - Crush!, Break!!, Hulk Smath!!!, Die Puny Humans, Die!!!!
Starting equipment - Judogi, rubber tanto (if you think it looks like anything else, you're a pervert!), jo, bokken.
Other notes - Thugs make the best shodo. Although uncommon, it's not unheard of to run across a shodoorc once in a while. A shodofruite will be laughed at by everyone and shunned by society.

Yoshin - A high proportion of yoshin come from such backgrounds as dentists or medival dungeon masters. No reason. Really. Stop looking at me like that, or you'll be sorry….
Starting Waza (choose two) - Owthathurts-gatame, Stopityou'regonnabreakmyarm-ate, Ithinkmyshoulderhasbeendislocated-hineri, OhgreatnowIhavetogotothehospital-otoshi
Starting equipment - Dogi, hakama, jo, bokken, one (1) implement of torture of the player's discretion.
Other notes - Given their sadistic streak, orcs are natural yoshin. Occasionally, the more brutal thugs will also become yoshin. Although extremely rare, yoshinfruities are very frightening… like that serial killer in Silence of the Lambs. Creepy, dude, creepy.

Aiki - The main thing to know about aiki is that they have perfected the Darth Vader Long Distance Death Grip simply to annoy the yoshin.
Starting Waza (choose two) - No Touch Throw, Touch Throw, It Wasn't A No Touch Throw - He Just Fell Over, Darth Vader Long Distance Death Grip
Starting equipment - Dogi, hakama, jo, bokken.
Other notes - With the heavy concentration on ki techniques, fruities are the leading aiki practitioners. There are only two known aikiorcs in existence, both at the Hong Kong zoo. Attempts to make them mate have been unsuccessful, and biologists fear for the survival of the species. Aikithugs are pitied by all - they're like really dim-witted babies trying to figure out how to do neurosurgery.



Disclaimer: There are those out there who take themselves a little too seriously. This disclaimer is for those people: lighten up!!!

Last edited by Zato Ichi : 05-16-2005 at 06:37 AM. Reason: Why not?
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2005, 09:57 AM   #2
happysod
Dojo: Kiburn, London, UK
Location: London
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 899
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.

Hori, the true disturbance in the ki - humour post well you do

I want pictures goddammit, just remember fruities get the best clothes and manicures and are unfailing modest, truthful and just drop-dead gorgeous.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2005, 11:14 AM   #3
Rachel Strickman
Location: Helsinki
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 16
Finland
Offline
Re: Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.

"Nevertheless, orcs have a viscious streak"

sorry, i know it is bad form to criticise spelling (especially as I can't seppl either) but the image of orcs with viscous goo oozing all over them is too good to pass up!
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2005, 02:40 PM   #4
Kevin Temple
Dojo: Jinbukan
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 35
Canada
Offline
Re: Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.

funnily enough, in my yoshinkan dojo, we joke that washing our Gi gets rid of all the Ki we have built up... so maybe we are smelly thugs
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2005, 02:50 AM   #5
Yann Golanski
 
Yann Golanski's Avatar
Dojo: York Shodokan Aikido
Location: York, United Kingdom.
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 406
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.

Okay, the first one who suggest we code this as a MMRPG gets 100 kote gaeshi.

*grins evilly*

The people who understand, understand prefectly.
yann@york-aikido.org York Shodokan Aikido
  Reply With Quote

Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Steven Seagal a true Aikidoka? nikonl General 57 09-02-2005 10:13 PM
Need advice/new guy to area's dojo YinYaker Training 17 02-15-2005 01:57 PM
Bond Street Dojo Relocation AikiWeb System AikiWeb System 6 02-01-2005 03:51 PM
Questions on Starting a New Dojo Paul Barrett Teaching 12 08-01-2004 05:46 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:54 AM.



vBulletin Copyright © 2000-2024 Jelsoft Enterprises Limited
----------
Copyright 1997-2024 AikiWeb and its Authors, All Rights Reserved.
----------
For questions and comments about this website:
Send E-mail
plainlaid-picaresque outchasing-protistan explicantia-altarage seaford-stellionate