Welcome to AikiWeb Aikido Information
AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information
AikiWeb's principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.

Sections
home
aikido articles
columns

Discussions
forums
aikiblogs

Databases
dojo search
seminars
image gallery
supplies
links directory

Reviews
book reviews
video reviews
dvd reviews
equip. reviews

News
submit
archive

Miscellaneous
newsletter
rss feeds
polls
about

Follow us on



Home > AikiWeb Aikido Forums
Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > Humor

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-16-2004, 01:24 AM   #1
DaveO
Dojo: Great Wave Aikido
Location: Alberta, Canada
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 543
Canada
Offline
Hakama FAQ

'Lo all!

There may on this forum be folks who have just earned their hakama; and are now dealing with the peculiar characteristics of that particular garment. To help them along; I have prepared this brief giude.

1) What is a Hakama?
Physically; the Hakama is a divided skirt made with approximately 142 meters of dark blue or black cloth. It has four ties; each about 20 meters long, and a piece of cardboard in the back. The cardboard is a symbol of Japanese mysticism, meant to represent the unknown.
(This can be shown by asking anyone - "what's the cardboard for?" "Ummmmmmm....dunno.")
Now; if this was a simple skirt; it'd be easy - and therefore un-aiki. Just to keep wearers from getting complacent; the complete skirt doesn't actually start untill somewhere around the butt region; the front and back are separate; leaving two V-shaped openings in the sides.

2) Whare does the Hakama come from?
Japan, ya bonehead.

3) OK - so what is the history of the hakama then? (jerk!)
Historically; hakama were worn in battle by the Japanese.
Not - as is commonly supposed - by the Samurai; but by the captives. It was essentially a large bag of cloth tied around the waist which was used as a net to ensnare the feet; thus preventing the captive from escaping. This was considered a superior form of detainment over just tying them up with ropes; since a captive tied by ropes doesn't nearly have the same entertainment value as a struggling, floundering and tripping captive literally drowning in a sea of blue cotton does.

4) When do I put one on?
Once you've earned one; it's generally a good idea to put it on when at aikido practice. You can wear it elsewhere as it makes a rather fetching accessory to almost any ensemble.
You will be sure, for instance, to turn heads while grocery shopping while wearing a nice blouse, slacks, pumps, and hakama.
Teens are not advised to wear hakama while dating; especially to movie theaters, since it greatly limits the groping possibilities. (For this reason, of course, parents of teens would be wise to consider stuffing their kids into them whenever possible.)

5) (sigh)You're going to make this difficult, aren't you? OK - at what point does a student earn the damned thing?!?
Individual aikido organizations choose when their students may wear hakama. Generally; they decide at which point in their average progression the students begin to think of themselves as really hot sh*t. The hakama is awarded at that point to bring the student's ego - and the student himself - crashing back to Earth.
And yes; I like making things difficult.

6) Now I've got the Hakama. What do I do now?
I advise you to burn it - it'll save you a lot of grief in the very near future.

7) #&%@#&^!!!!!!!! Will you quit it with the smartass answers?!? OK, OK, how do I put it on?!?!!!!
Putting on a hakama is a several step process. I will list the process here:
a) Unfolding the Hakama.
- Remove hakama from bag.
- Unfold ties from their crossed position.
- untangle ties from the huge snarl you managed to get them in while unfolding them.
- untie knots from the tangled mass the ties have managed to get them in. If following normal procedure; this should take about half an hour.
- Get a knife; cut ties free from the mess. Separate until you have several individual tie sections.
- measure tie sections; determine which section goes with which stub - if done correctly; the back ties should be longer than the front ties.
- sew ties back together again.

b) Putting the hakama on.
- Step into hakama; pull it up to waist level.
- Drop hakama, turn around and put it on right way 'round.
- pull it up to waist level again.
- drop hakama again; step into it again; this time insuring both legs don't go into the same hole.
- pull it up to waist level again.
- take the front ties in hand and wrap them around and behind your body.
- pull up hakama to waist level again.
-grab ties again.
-pull hakama up again. Hold it in place with elbow.
- Grab ties again. hold them with teeth.
- pull up hakama again. Try to hold it in place by crossing legs in bizarre 'gotta pee' position while trying to grab both front ties with one hand and guide them to teeth.
- leave ties alone; staple front of hakama to belt. Gingerly take up ties trying not to disturb hakama.
- apply first aid to small holes in stomach.
- tuck top of hakama behind belt; grab ties and shove them bodily between belt and gi.
- wrap ties about a dozen times around body; tie in square knot.
- retie in square knot.
- think about joining Boy Scouts to learn how to tie knots.
- tie in big ol' fashioned granny knot.
- untie ties in a hurry; take deep breath before passing out. Wait until face goes from blue to pink - or whatever colour it normally is. Retie a little less tight than before.
- pull up back of hakama, grab ties, pass them between belt and gi.
- tie back ties in front. There should be about 10 meters of tie left over.
- Fold left tie in half, then half again, then half again, then half again, then half again, then half again, then half again until it forms a sort of pad 10 centimeters long and about twice that thick.
- place folded tie horizontally against stomach.
- take unfolded tie and wrap it around the mass of ties and knots and pads over its entire length until it forms a monstrous bow at your stomach.
- adjust cardboard bit so it fits snugly against your stomach.
- look again at carboard bit, then at the hakamas of instructors watching and laughing their heads off.
- cry.
- undo hakama, get out and start over.

c) Walking with hakama.
- Stand carefully against wall.
- Use cellphone to call ambulance. Say 'Hakama'. Theey'll know.
- wait for paramedics to arrive.
- take one step.
- wait while paramedics treat broken ankle.

Last step: Use shears; cut hakama free from body. Quit aikido; swear off all things Japanese. Go join MMA - it's safer.


Cheers!

Answers are only easy when they're incomplete.
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 02:17 AM   #2
senseimike
 
senseimike's Avatar
Dojo: Rising Star Aikido
Location: South Bend, Nebraska
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 81
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
Dave Organ wrote:
2) Whare does the Hakama come from?
Japan, ya bonehead.

uhhh.... mine came from Colorado........

Mike Taylor
Godan
Chief Instructor, Rising Star Aikido
South Bend, Nebraska, USA
www.risingstaraikido.com
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 02:57 AM   #3
Bridge
Dojo: Slough Aikikai
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 130
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Thanks for that.

As a matter of fact I'll be wearing one for the first time tonight having only been given permission recently.

Big fears are:
1: Not knowing how to tie the thing.
2: Crashing and falling on face in extremely undignified manner.
3: Crashing and falling on arse in extremely undignified manner.
4: The inevitable, which in this case, is crashing and falling in an extremely undignified manner! Even more so than usual.

Oh, and ironing the thing again. I washed and ironed it to make sure it was nice and clean before wearing. What a fool!
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 04:26 AM   #4
Natasha Bradley
Dojo: Aikido School Leiden
Location: Leiden
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 19
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Thanks for so much information, but I have one serious question, as hopefully I will be allowed to wear a hakama after my nest test:

Will my bum look big in it?

Natasha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 05:08 AM   #5
JJF
 
JJF's Avatar
Dojo: Vestfyn Aikikai Denmark
Location: Vissenbjerg
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 803
Denmark
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
natasha bradley wrote:
Thanks for so much information, but I have one serious question, as hopefully I will be allowed to wear a hakama after my nest test:

Will my bum look big in it?

Natasha.
Depends of the size.... of the bum AND of the hakama that is

- Jørgen Jakob Friis

Inspiration - Aspiration - Perspiration
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 05:49 AM   #6
Bridge
Dojo: Slough Aikikai
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 130
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
natasha bradley wrote:
Thanks for so much information, but I have one serious question, as hopefully I will be allowed to wear a hakama after my nest test:

Will my bum look big in it?

Natasha.
Perhaps that's why black hakama are so popular? Black is very slimming.
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 07:04 AM   #7
jxa127
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 420
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Dave,

That was brilliant. Now I know.

Regards,

----
-Drew Ames
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 01:22 PM   #8
Bronson
 
Bronson's Avatar
Dojo: Seiwa Dojo and Southside Dojo
Location: Battle Creek & Kalamazoo, MI
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,677
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

I've often said that I find it amazing that a culture that learned to produce one of the finest sword designs in the world couldn't figure out buttons Every damn piece of clothing is tied on

I also believe that the reason samurai always had a blade of some sort with them was to cut themselves out of their hakama in case they had a touch of diarrhea

"A pacifist is not really a pacifist if he is unable to make a choice between violence and non-violence. A true pacifist is able to kill or maim in the blink of an eye, but at the moment of impending destruction of the enemy he chooses non-violence."
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 01:27 PM   #9
cguzik
Location: Tulsa, OK
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 166
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
Dave Organ wrote:
It has four ties; each about 20 meters long
Geez Dave, how many times do you have to wrap your himo around your body? Twenty meters???
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 02:49 PM   #10
suren
Dojo: Aikido of Silicon Valley
Location: Fremont, CA
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 248
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

I can't stop laughing! I spilled my coffie... Ouch.
Thanks Dave!
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 03:42 PM   #11
thomas_dixon
Location: Florida, USA
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 185
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

(in scottish accent) I know how they feel.
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2004, 11:21 AM   #12
Tatiana
Dojo: Lenwakan
Location: São Paulo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 64
Brazil
Offline
Tongue Re: Hakama FAQ

LOL!!!! too funny! I think from now on, I'll do my lessons ver nicely, but i won't get the hakama... Thank you very much! LOL!
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2004, 03:01 PM   #13
Anita Crowhurst
 
Anita Crowhurst's Avatar
Dojo: Test Valley Aikido Club, Andover
Location: Hampshire
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 10
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Thanks so much for that!
I did the 'both legs in one side' thing on my hakama's first outing!
It amazes me how little time it's taken me to feel so comfortable in it, but I won't be food shopping in it any time soon.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2004, 07:44 AM   #14
John Lilly
Dojo: Yomei Ki Development Center
Location: Meridian Idaho
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 6
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

"Will my bum look big in it?"

It's not the Hakama.

(sorry couldn't resist!)
John
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2004, 08:47 AM   #15
MaryKaye
Dojo: Seattle Ki Society
Location: Seattle
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 522
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

We wear hakama only at dan ranks, except that the person teaching a class, no matter what their rank, is expected to wear one. I had the pleasure of being the only student present when a first-kyu friend of mine arrived for his very first class as instructor. He had a look of terror on his face. "Do you know how to tie this thing?" Of course I didn't, being far too junior. We eventually got him sort of knotted into it, and it did stay on through the class, but I'm not sure how....

One bit of revenge you can get is taking the hakama off and handing it to your junior. Another first-kyu did this to me at an outdoors kids' demo. "Here, Mary, you fold this while I talk to people." I quickly collected a crowd of parents and other onlookers saying helpful things like "That must be very tricky" and "Gosh, look at all the little pleats!" and it took me three tries to fold the darned thing.

Mary Kaye
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2004, 07:42 PM   #16
Keith_k
Dojo: Kim's Hapkido
Location: California
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 86
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

reason # 1243 to study hapkido: no hakamas
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2004, 10:14 PM   #17
xuzen
 
xuzen's Avatar
Dojo: None at the moment - on hiatus
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 965
Malaysia
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
Keith Kolb wrote:
reason # 1243 to study hapkido: no hakamas
So what do they wear during practice? Hugo Boss' overcoat, Rudy Valentino's shirt and Giorgio Armani's pants? Sorry can help it... i am in a cheerul mood today.


Boon.

SHOMEN-ATE (TM), the solution to 90% of aikido and life's problems.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2004, 11:07 PM   #18
Keith_k
Dojo: Kim's Hapkido
Location: California
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 86
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
Xu Wenfung wrote:
So what do they wear during practice? Hugo Boss' overcoat, Rudy Valentino's shirt and Giorgio Armani's pants? Sorry can help it... i am in a cheerul mood today.


Boon.
The current trend is form-fitting black vinyl.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2004, 03:26 AM   #19
p00kiethebear
 
p00kiethebear's Avatar
Dojo: Tonbo Dojo
Location: Bainbridge Island WA
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 374
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Just a uhm.. quick question...

Am I the only one here who thinks that a woman in a gi and hakama is damn sexy?

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity"
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2004, 10:04 AM   #20
Brehan Crawford
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 45
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
Keith Kolb wrote:
The current trend is form-fitting black vinyl.
Sorry to take the thread off-topic but I thought it appropriate to share this:

A couple of folks and I were brainstorming ideas at the dojo to spread the word about Aikido and we thought it might be fun to advertise in SM magazines.

"...A little pain, a lot of pleasure... Aikido!"
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2004, 03:36 AM   #21
Keith_k
Dojo: Kim's Hapkido
Location: California
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 86
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Brehan: I must admit that I have also wondered at the application of some of these horribly painful techniques to S&M. Perhaps I should take up a side job as a dominatrix?
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2004, 12:45 AM   #22
Melissa Fischer
Dojo: Tenzan Aikido/Seattle Holistic Center
Location: Seattle, Wa USA
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 53
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Dave,
I can't believe you skipped instructions on how to do the origami style mountain/valley folding job after taking the thing off! That's the hard part. Unless you cut yourself out every time which gets expensive at $100+ per skirt. But, I'm new at this having only a couple of months in the thing. BTW, how long do they usually last?

Melissa
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2004, 12:56 AM   #23
CNYMike
Dojo: Aikido of Central New York
Location: Cortland, NY
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,009
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
Keith Kolb wrote:
reason # 1243 to study hapkido: no hakamas
Of course, reasons 1-1242 are "NO POOFTAS!" Except for reason six: "There is no reason six."
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2004, 01:16 AM   #24
CNYMike
Dojo: Aikido of Central New York
Location: Cortland, NY
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,009
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Quote:
Dave Organ wrote:
'Lo all!

Last step: Use shears; cut hakama free from body. Quit aikido; swear off all things Japanese. Go join MMA - it's safer.


Cheers!
-Then get into Shoot. Think stand up Thai Boxing and ground submission grappling couldn't be farther from Aikido if you wanted to. Realize, too late, that it was founded in Japan, and therefore is something Japanese. And you still have to bow. AND use the term Sensei. (Well, we did when Eric Paulson visited in 1999.)
-And on top of that, you have to shelve out hundreds of dollars for bag gloves, boxing gloves, focus mitts, boxing hand wraps, those fingerless gloves, and Thai Boxing shorts that make your butt look too big.
-Realize you're doomed.
-Go join Kali. Hope it's safer.
-Shelve out hundreds of dollars for academy t-shirt, black sweat pants, Kali sticks, and a dagga (you forgot you still had your tanto, didn't you?).
-Realize that between getting your knuckles smashed by other beginners AND the manner in which Kali's complexity melts your brain, the hakama was Aikido's only drawback. Return to your old dojo.
-Hold rummage sale to sell rest of your supplies to poor martial artists. So you still have the blasted hakama, but at least you turned a tidy profit in the end. If only the swelling in your knuckles would go down.

Last edited by CNYMike : 10-11-2004 at 01:21 AM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2004, 05:22 PM   #25
aikidoka87
Dojo: Ken nin dojo Gainesville, Florida
Location: Florida
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 4
United_States
Offline
Re: Hakama FAQ

Hahahah I started crying i laughed sooo hard. Awesome directions!!!
  Reply With Quote

Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wearing Hakama Shouri (Steve) General 92 11-20-2014 09:32 AM
Hakama for non-yudansha SeanToner General 78 11-20-2008 01:27 PM
Good Hakama Gone Bad Erik Humor 102 09-05-2007 09:40 AM
care of hakama and how to wear it. Steven Tame General 5 09-15-2003 01:52 AM
Hakama or no hakama. nmarques General 40 06-13-2002 06:57 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:43 PM.



vBulletin Copyright © 2000-2024 Jelsoft Enterprises Limited
----------
Copyright 1997-2024 AikiWeb and its Authors, All Rights Reserved.
----------
For questions and comments about this website:
Send E-mail
plainlaid-picaresque outchasing-protistan explicantia-altarage seaford-stellionate