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Old 04-26-2007, 09:39 AM   #26
Ron Tisdale
Dojo: Doshinkan dojo in Roxborough, Pa
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

I agree with Paul.

Best to your son, and if he were my son,

a) I'd really stress not turning my back on an aggressor,

b) that adults who are present are to be responsible

c) when they are not, they will deal with me.

That principle needs to see the inside of a woodshed, promptly.

Best,
Ron

Ron Tisdale
-----------------------
"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind."
St. Bonaventure (ca. 1221-1274)
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Old 04-26-2007, 09:49 AM   #27
gdandscompserv
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
Paul Watt wrote: View Post
I must not be understanding something....

Your son was attacked at school, and adults were present and witnessed this, and the attackers not only haven't suffered any repercussions, but continue to threaten others? And the principle is not taking action to insure this doesn't happen again?

If that's essentially what happened, I think you need an attorney to help you vigorously pursue this.

Regards,

Paul
I don't have access to any of the information regarding the other kids involved and the school won't release it to me, so I don't know. I am attempting to go through the "chain of command" to insure that this situation is dealt with fairly and competently. At this point I am fairly disgusted with the school administration. It seems that the principal has a difficult time utilizing email as a form of communication. Makes me wonder what's going on and who the real bullies are.
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Old 04-26-2007, 10:42 AM   #28
mriehle
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
Paul Watt wrote: View Post
Your son was attacked at school, and adults were present and witnessed this, and the attackers not only haven't suffered any repercussions, but continue to threaten others? And the principle is not taking action to insure this doesn't happen again?
I have a student who has defended himself several times in his school using his Aikido. Every time there were adults present watching the whole thing. Now, my student has not gotten into trouble (it was clear he just defended himself), but the adults did nothing about the incidents either.

Worse, the year after the first incident his teacher told him if he used Aikido again on the school grounds he would be expelled. Add to this the bully who picked on all the kids in school who was essentially given free reign by the school administrators. My students mother came to me to ask advice.

I turned to my student and told him that avoiding conflict was absolutely the right thing to do, but if it became unavoidable he should do what he has to do. Then I turned to his mother and told her that if the school had a problem with this they would have me to deal with and I'd help her find a lawyer.

Ultimately, the school stopped threatening my student for defending himself. Mom apparently had a meeting with school administrators. I don't know what was said (although, I could probably hazard a pretty good guess), but they dropped the whole bit about not being allowed self defense. But they've done nothing to discourage bullying either.

So, I'm not having any difficulty believing that the school is dropping the ball in Jebediah's case. None whatsoever.

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Old 04-26-2007, 10:46 AM   #29
mriehle
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
Ricky Wood wrote: View Post
Makes me wonder what's going on and who the real bullies are.
Way back in the 60's, I went to a school where the teachers not only wouldn't stop the bullies, they'd cheer them on. I really believe that many of my teachers from that school would be up on charges of child abuse in today's environment.

In an odd sort of way, though, it probably did me good in the long run. There was a racial element to the bullying in that school, so I tend not to dismiss the issue the way I otherwise might.

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Old 04-26-2007, 11:29 AM   #30
James Davis
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

I was messed with quite a bit in middle and high school. I didn't "snap", but I did make a concious decision to change the way that I reacted to the bullys. I didn't go crazy, but I did decide to act crazy.

The guys that tormented me for years always did so in a group. Fighting back wasn't really an option.

I hadn't really planned on a confrontation or anything, but the opportunity presented itself when I went grocery shopping with my mom. We were checking out, and one of the geniuses was bagging the groceries. He looked over at me and said, "Hey, what's up James?" like we were lifelong pals. I said, "What? We're f_____g friends now?!" He, my mom, and the cashier all stared at me wide-eyed. I continued, saying "Eric, you and your punk friends have been threatening me and pushing me around for a long time. Your friends aren't here now, and I don't wanna hear anything out of you besides 'paper or plastic'." Nothing further was said that night.

A few days later, in history class, he came up to me and said, "Ted's gonna beat your ass." with a goofy little smile on his face. Ted was huge and scary, and we both knew that I couldn't fight him and win. I didn't look up at Eric, or Ted, from the paper I was working on. I just said "Ted can't play football on one knee." He went back and sat down with Ted, and neither of them ever said anything about it.

I never had any intentions of hurting anybody. I came to the conclusion that I was sick of living in fear, and adjusted my behavior. When I behaved as if I was just as keen for a fight as they were, they left me alone. The last few months of my senior year were much better after I made it seem that I wouldn't be the only one hurt if things got physical.

While this worked for me, I wouldn't necessarily suggest this course of action. I made a lot of people who weren't involved with the conflict uncomfortable. The change in my behavior worried some people that were close to me. I'm an adult now, and every time I think of those days I wish I could call these guys and talk with them, to tell them that I didn't really hate them or wish them harm.

Then again, hindsight's 20/20. School had an entirely different set of rules from the real world. They left me alone, and I got home unhurt.

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 04-26-2007, 12:49 PM   #31
Franco
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

There's a difference between "turning the other cheek" and "getting your ass beat". You accomplish the former from a position of strength. You could beat the other guy to the ground, but you choose not to. If you don't have the strength, mental and physical, to fight back, then there can be no "turning the other cheek". You would just be getting beat because there is no other choice.

It seems that many parents, particularly practicing Christians, advice their children not to fight back, as if that were somehow good for their character development, but I don't agree. Children should cultivate their strength (mental, physical, spiritual). It can do no good to advise a child to allow himself to be humiliated for the sake of keeping the peace. Leave that to adults, whose strength is already developed.
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Old 04-26-2007, 01:04 PM   #32
Michael Hackett
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Your school district and the local school administrators have a duty to protect students on campus, and to and from school. If the principal of your son's school is dismissing your concerns, put them in writing. I suggest that you describe your concerns over the bullying on campus and insist on intervention. Send the letter to the prinicipal by regular mail and by certified mail as well, with a copy to the Chairperson of the local school board. Nothing quite like having a serious complaint documented in writing to move bureaucrats off their duffs.

Here in Oceanside (about two hours away from Barstow) the school board has a "zero tolerance" policy that states even fighting in self-defense is a punishable offense at school and the parties will both be suspended or expelled. This policy is more rigid than the California Education Code which recognizes legitimate self-defense situations.

As I understand your original post, there is nothing to preclude you from filing a report with the Barstow Police either. It may amount to nothing, but could likely end up with juvenile proceedings against the aggressor.

If you feel really stonewalled and stymied by the school administrators, contact your local media. Media scrutiny may also cause the positive changes you desire.

Lastly, as I recall, you have six months from the date of the incident to file a claim against the school district - a step you have to take before filing any legal action in court. That may not hold true for injunctive relief or a writ of mandamus, check with an attorney to be sure. Save that as a last, and very costly, resort, but don't forget the six month period or it could be foreclosed.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
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Old 04-26-2007, 02:04 PM   #33
gdandscompserv
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Michael,
Good advise. The administration is ignoring me at this point. They either deny receiving my emails or just ignore them. I will begin sending documents via certified mail. Here is the latest correspondence from me that the Silver Valley School District superintendent is ignoring:

Mr. Jackson,
I'm concerned.
<snip, Jeb's original email to me>
I posted this in an aikido forum: http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12436, I participate in.
Soon after, Mrs Griggs was apparently sent an anonymous email directing her to this post. She assumed that it was me.
The day she found out about the post (April 24th)Mrs Griggs decided to pull Jeb out of class and interrogate him again.

"I was copying down notes in 2nd period. We were about half way through the period on a Wednesday when a call came. My English teacher told me they wanted me in the office. I gathered my things and headed down. They had me sit down at a table for about 10 minutes before I was called into the Principal's office. Ms. Griggs began talking to me about the incident report I had written the day of the incident. I told her that I was dazed from being knocked out and that I tried to be as accurate as possible. Apparently my wording was not acceptable to them. She asked me to write another one reminding me that on the bottom portion the signature I was to put was me agreeing this statement was true under penalty of law. I felt like she was accusing me of lying, but I went ahead and filled out another with almost exactly the same information. Maybe a few different details but identical in every other way. She called the school officer to come in and go over this with her. He seemed satisfied. But, there was a bit of a dispute over it. They called Rodrigo in, the child I was accused of pushing down. She deliberately asked us both into her office and closed the door. She first asked for my part of the story which I gladly gave. Just as it was written on the two incident reports I mentioned previously. She then asked for Rodrigo's side of it. He was doing well until the part where I was accused of pushing him over. He began to studder and stumble over his words. Ms. Griggs joked with him to try to get him to relax but he simply said he couldn't remember. She then asked us to get up and stand against the door. She marked both of our heights and began looking for a ruler to tell the difference of them. Rodrigo was excused to class and I was excused to the front of the office to sit and wait. During this time the officer asked for another incident report of what happened Monday after the first incident which he told me I should have made him aware of. I gladly supplied him with this remembering that my signature was telling them it was true under penalty of law. I sat back down and waited.

About 2 periods later I was called back into the office. They began asking me why I hadn't told them of the incident on Monday which I just supplied the incident report for. I told them it was my fault and I should have. I however feel that in the past I've been through incidents like this where I do bring every detail to the administration and even school officer's attention. Nothing was done to stop any of it. This is why I didn't feel the need to mention the incident on Monday to them. I felt like I was being picked on and badgered by my own principal and school officer. I asked her why she had measured me and what point she had in this. She said that it would most likely come up later of our my height difference compared to Rodrigo, Kenny, Austin and any others involved. I didn't see this as a serious point which needed but I let that go. I'm not very good with dealing with interrogations, especially when I feel so accused and like I was being shaken down. At this point I asked if I could call me dad. She called him for me and he didn't answer so she left a message. I was excused back out to the couch to wait awhile longer. I called my dad from my phone a few times. I later learned he had been in a meeting. He called me a bit later and I told him what happened and he said he was on his way in. He got there and asked to speak with the principal. They sat down in her office with the school officer. I wasn't part of this conversation so I don't know what went on. It was around the last 10 minutes of 4th period when they called me in. The principal said that sometimes adults disagree on things but she felt they were all on the same page. She asked me what I think should be done with these bullies. I told her that I personally know that I'm not the only one who had been picked on or even hurt by these thugs. That there needs to be some kind of way for these kid to come out into the open without feeling in danger. My dad suggested a bully awareness or prevention program. She sort of shrugged of that comment. She asked if I would like to go home with my dad or stay as the school day was almost over. I was excused back to class at the end of 4th period. I had missed almost all of my school day and made it back in time for lunch and 5th and 6th periods. I saw no point in this whole process except trying to tell differences between stories and manipulating those differences to play to there advantages. I know one thing, me and my father sure got theit attention. Now I also know that if I'm called to the office, I want my father there before I talk to anybody about anything."

Jebediah E Wood.

What was next, his weight? That was a little much for Jebediah. He became quite agitated and asked if he could call his dad. They allowed that and sent him out of the office. I was in a meeting so it took a bit but I got phone messages from both Mrs Griggs and my son. I zoomed over to the school and was ushered into the principal's office. In the room were Mrs. Griggs, Officer Dilbeck, and some unknown woman from another school. Mrs. Griggs introduced her and I thought she had something to do with the investigation so I didn't say anything initially. However, as time went on, I began to think about it and decided to inquire as to her purpose in being in attendance. She replied, "Oh, no reason, I just happen to be in a meeting with Mrs. Griggs when you came in so I'd just thought I'd hang around." My jaw dropped. I was temporarily speechless. I then asked that she leave immediately. Did Mrs. Griggs violate the privacy act on that one? You be the judge.
But I digress. Back to the interrogation. Mrs. Griggs and officer Dilbeck then informed me of their displeasure regarding my posting of my son's email to me. We went back and forth about a few issues, including what seems to me, as her apparent inability to effectively use email as a form of communication. We also talked about mine and Jeb's concern that there is a bullying problem at Silver Valley. Mrs. Griggs is of the opinion that this incident was not a bullying incident, that they do not have a bullying problem and therefore have no need for any type of bullying education program, for which I have volunteered to help with. NO INTEREST. I mean come on, don't we owe it to these kids to error on the side of caution. I like Basia's comment in the aikido forum; "A lot of teachers and adults in general have a pretty murky understanding of the difference between conflict and bullying -- they are pretty different and I don't remember seeing all that much overlap when I was in school myself, even when both are just on the verbal level. But if a teacher doesn't even really undestand what each one is and isn't, I don't think they're likely to deal with either particularly well...

I left highly disappointed.
Sincerely,
Ricky Wood
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Old 04-26-2007, 03:56 PM   #34
James Davis
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
Ricky Wood wrote: View Post
I left highly disappointed.
Sincerely,
Ricky Wood
Yes, but at least you've made every effort to make changes in a cordial, orderly manner. In my opinion, you can take whatever course of action you like, secure in the knowledge that you tried to do it their way.

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 04-26-2007, 04:30 PM   #35
DonMagee
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
Ricky Wood wrote: View Post
Michael,
Good advise. The administration is ignoring me at this point. They either deny receiving my emails or just ignore them. I will begin sending documents via certified mail. Here is the latest correspondence from me that the Silver Valley School District superintendent is ignoring:

Mr. Jackson,
I'm concerned.
<snip, Jeb's original email to me>
I posted this in an aikido forum: http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12436, I participate in.
Soon after, Mrs Griggs was apparently sent an anonymous email directing her to this post. She assumed that it was me.
The day she found out about the post (April 24th)Mrs Griggs decided to pull Jeb out of class and interrogate him again.

"I was copying down notes in 2nd period. We were about half way through the period on a Wednesday when a call came. My English teacher told me they wanted me in the office. I gathered my things and headed down. They had me sit down at a table for about 10 minutes before I was called into the Principal's office. Ms. Griggs began talking to me about the incident report I had written the day of the incident. I told her that I was dazed from being knocked out and that I tried to be as accurate as possible. Apparently my wording was not acceptable to them. She asked me to write another one reminding me that on the bottom portion the signature I was to put was me agreeing this statement was true under penalty of law. I felt like she was accusing me of lying, but I went ahead and filled out another with almost exactly the same information. Maybe a few different details but identical in every other way. She called the school officer to come in and go over this with her. He seemed satisfied. But, there was a bit of a dispute over it. They called Rodrigo in, the child I was accused of pushing down. She deliberately asked us both into her office and closed the door. She first asked for my part of the story which I gladly gave. Just as it was written on the two incident reports I mentioned previously. She then asked for Rodrigo's side of it. He was doing well until the part where I was accused of pushing him over. He began to studder and stumble over his words. Ms. Griggs joked with him to try to get him to relax but he simply said he couldn't remember. She then asked us to get up and stand against the door. She marked both of our heights and began looking for a ruler to tell the difference of them. Rodrigo was excused to class and I was excused to the front of the office to sit and wait. During this time the officer asked for another incident report of what happened Monday after the first incident which he told me I should have made him aware of. I gladly supplied him with this remembering that my signature was telling them it was true under penalty of law. I sat back down and waited.

About 2 periods later I was called back into the office. They began asking me why I hadn't told them of the incident on Monday which I just supplied the incident report for. I told them it was my fault and I should have. I however feel that in the past I've been through incidents like this where I do bring every detail to the administration and even school officer's attention. Nothing was done to stop any of it. This is why I didn't feel the need to mention the incident on Monday to them. I felt like I was being picked on and badgered by my own principal and school officer. I asked her why she had measured me and what point she had in this. She said that it would most likely come up later of our my height difference compared to Rodrigo, Kenny, Austin and any others involved. I didn't see this as a serious point which needed but I let that go. I'm not very good with dealing with interrogations, especially when I feel so accused and like I was being shaken down. At this point I asked if I could call me dad. She called him for me and he didn't answer so she left a message. I was excused back out to the couch to wait awhile longer. I called my dad from my phone a few times. I later learned he had been in a meeting. He called me a bit later and I told him what happened and he said he was on his way in. He got there and asked to speak with the principal. They sat down in her office with the school officer. I wasn't part of this conversation so I don't know what went on. It was around the last 10 minutes of 4th period when they called me in. The principal said that sometimes adults disagree on things but she felt they were all on the same page. She asked me what I think should be done with these bullies. I told her that I personally know that I'm not the only one who had been picked on or even hurt by these thugs. That there needs to be some kind of way for these kid to come out into the open without feeling in danger. My dad suggested a bully awareness or prevention program. She sort of shrugged of that comment. She asked if I would like to go home with my dad or stay as the school day was almost over. I was excused back to class at the end of 4th period. I had missed almost all of my school day and made it back in time for lunch and 5th and 6th periods. I saw no point in this whole process except trying to tell differences between stories and manipulating those differences to play to there advantages. I know one thing, me and my father sure got theit attention. Now I also know that if I'm called to the office, I want my father there before I talk to anybody about anything."

Jebediah E Wood.

What was next, his weight? That was a little much for Jebediah. He became quite agitated and asked if he could call his dad. They allowed that and sent him out of the office. I was in a meeting so it took a bit but I got phone messages from both Mrs Griggs and my son. I zoomed over to the school and was ushered into the principal's office. In the room were Mrs. Griggs, Officer Dilbeck, and some unknown woman from another school. Mrs. Griggs introduced her and I thought she had something to do with the investigation so I didn't say anything initially. However, as time went on, I began to think about it and decided to inquire as to her purpose in being in attendance. She replied, "Oh, no reason, I just happen to be in a meeting with Mrs. Griggs when you came in so I'd just thought I'd hang around." My jaw dropped. I was temporarily speechless. I then asked that she leave immediately. Did Mrs. Griggs violate the privacy act on that one? You be the judge.
But I digress. Back to the interrogation. Mrs. Griggs and officer Dilbeck then informed me of their displeasure regarding my posting of my son's email to me. We went back and forth about a few issues, including what seems to me, as her apparent inability to effectively use email as a form of communication. We also talked about mine and Jeb's concern that there is a bullying problem at Silver Valley. Mrs. Griggs is of the opinion that this incident was not a bullying incident, that they do not have a bullying problem and therefore have no need for any type of bullying education program, for which I have volunteered to help with. NO INTEREST. I mean come on, don't we owe it to these kids to error on the side of caution. I like Basia's comment in the aikido forum; "A lot of teachers and adults in general have a pretty murky understanding of the difference between conflict and bullying -- they are pretty different and I don't remember seeing all that much overlap when I was in school myself, even when both are just on the verbal level. But if a teacher doesn't even really undestand what each one is and isn't, I don't think they're likely to deal with either particularly well...

I left highly disappointed.
Sincerely,
Ricky Wood
I would write your local paper. Schools hate bad press. Make vague comments to recent school shootings and take a 'we must protect the children' attitude. Make sure to say the words "Think of the children". You will get a response.

- Don
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein
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Old 04-26-2007, 05:07 PM   #36
Michael Hackett
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Ricky, here's the deal on the certified letter...there is a legal presumption that "a letter mailed is a letter received." By sending both regular mail and certified, even if the intended recipient fails to accept the certified letter, then you can reasonably presume that he received the regular mail letter and can rely on that. Hope that helps some.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
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Old 04-26-2007, 05:51 PM   #37
maxwelljones
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

This is infuriating. I am fortunate that I went to a competently run school system, but I find again and again that the majority of school administration in America doesn't give a damn about the quality of the education they're providing or the safety of their students. Violence is *NOT* normal behavior for any age group; "boys will be boys" means absolutely nothing when someone's teeth get smashed out. Following your entirely reasonable complaints, the school has unceremoniously guttered your sun and is now bullying *YOU* to keep you from suing their pants off. Don't let them tell you what's illegal; you need a lawyer to tell you that. They will lie to you endlessly to protect themselves.

This is the way schools are often run today, but it's the worst possible way to run a school. Violence in youth makes violence in adulthood, and for them to permit this to happen then intimidate you to keep your mouth shut is unacceptable. For the sake of your son and his classmates, I think you should pursue this matter in court, if your lawyer thinks you have a case.
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Old 04-27-2007, 01:02 AM   #38
Jim ashby
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

My eldest daughter was bullied by a group of girls for over a year. When it first started I had faith in the school's own system (I was a governor). Once the bullying had got to the point where my daughter was too fearful to open the door (the ringleader would call on us, all smiles and "how are you" etc) I had had enough.
I sued.
The school tried to cover up all of the written history of the bullying.
I had copies.
The Head teacher took "early retirement".
I pursued him through the law PERSONALLY.
The main culprit was finally excluded from school, she is now 20, has 3 kids from 3 different fathers and is an addict. Shame really, her organs would have done a worthwhile human some good otherwise.
My only advice if someone hurts your kids? Escalate way WAY beyond anything they have ever seen before and make it personal.

Vir Obesus Stola Saeptus
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Old 04-27-2007, 05:33 AM   #39
G DiPierro
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
James Ashby wrote: View Post
My only advice if someone hurts your kids? Escalate way WAY beyond anything they have ever seen before and make it personal.
Philosophically speaking, seeking to exact revenge through legal or administrative means is no better than fighting back with physical violence. Such a strategy will ultimately be worse for the child's development than if he had fought back himself since will not learn anything from it about how to solve his own problems.

It's not surprising that children resort to bullying and violence to deal with conflicts when they see adults on both sides modeling these same reactions. Although adults are not permitted to manifest these behaviors physically and so must instead resort to verbal, legal, and other non-physical means to attempt to hurt and belittle each other, the message about how to experience and respond to conflict nevertheless is clear.

If the spirit of aikido dictates not fighting back in the face of aggression and bullying, then why would this approach not be used in response to the actions of the school's administration?
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Old 04-27-2007, 05:38 AM   #40
DonMagee
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

It is not about just revenge, It is about keeping it from happening to anyone else. Failure to kill the problem will lead to suicides and columbines.

- Don
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein
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Old 04-27-2007, 07:23 AM   #41
dps
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
Giancarlo DiPierro wrote: View Post
If the spirit of aikido dictates not fighting back in the face of aggression and bullying,
While I advocate not putting yourself in a situation of violence or walking away from a potential threat I do not advocate no response to an attack. Aikido shows us how to deal with conflicts like aggressive behavior and bullying.

The first problem is the school officials and how to get them to do their job of protecting the students.
The second problem is what does Jebediah do? How does Jebediah continue to go to school with the possibility of being attacked again?

David

Go ahead, tread on me.
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Old 04-27-2007, 08:00 AM   #42
John Kelly
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Aikido is about resolving conflicts in a peaceful manner, not avoiding conflicts or fighting when you have to. Do everything you can, use any means necessary to protect the freedoms of all involved. But try to incorporate the needs of those opposed to you. In this way, harmony is acheived, and resolution is possible. Fighting the system will just cause more conflict and less resolution. It may, in the end, be necessary to take drastic legal action, but make that the last resort. Keep it small, keep it personal. Remember, in this day and age, legal retaliation is common and almost instinctual, so the administration is probably posturing to oppose you there without even considering the situation. If you really want resolution, you will have to coax them out of that posture so they can appreciate the issues from your perspective, or more importantly, the perspective of your son.

I applaud the efforts and suggestions of training the kids to resit bullies, but that would be out of realms of known resources for the administration, and in a time of crisis and conflict, they will never really consider it seriously. Especially coming from someone involved in the issue at hand. Keep that idea and return to it when the immediate conflict is resolved. It is a good idea, but will take considerable effort to sell it to the board before in can be instated, but with the increase in school violence in the news, it should be possible to get the board of eduacation in your area to at least consider it.
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Old 04-27-2007, 08:05 AM   #43
DonMagee
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
David Skaggs wrote: View Post
While I advocate not putting yourself in a situation of violence or walking away from a potential threat I do not advocate no response to an attack. Aikido shows us how to deal with conflicts like aggressive behavior and bullying.

The first problem is the school officials and how to get them to do their job of protecting the students.
The second problem is what does Jebediah do? How does Jebediah continue to go to school with the possibility of being attacked again?

David
Even more so is how is he going to get an education if he is constantly looking over his shoulder.

- Don
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein
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Old 04-27-2007, 08:05 AM   #44
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Quote:
John Kelly wrote: View Post
Aikido is about resolving conflicts in a peaceful manner, not avoiding conflicts or fighting when you have to. Do everything you can, use any means necessary to protect the freedoms of all involved. But try to incorporate the needs of those opposed to you. In this way, harmony is acheived, and resolution is possible. Fighting the system will just cause more conflict and less resolution. It may, in the end, be necessary to take drastic legal action, but make that the last resort. Keep it small, keep it personal. Remember, in this day and age, legal retaliation is common and almost instinctual, so the administration is probably posturing to oppose you there without even considering the situation. If you really want resolution, you will have to coax them out of that posture so they can appreciate the issues from your perspective, or more importantly, the perspective of your son.

I applaud the efforts and suggestions of training the kids to resit bullies, but that would be out of realms of known resources for the administration, and in a time of crisis and conflict, they will never really consider it seriously. Especially coming from someone involved in the issue at hand. Keep that idea and return to it when the immediate conflict is resolved. It is a good idea, but will take considerable effort to sell it to the board before in can be instated, but with the increase in school violence in the news, it should be possible to get the board of eduacation in your area to at least consider it.
And in the mean time how does Jebediah protect himself from the bullies, specifically if attacked again.

David

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Old 04-27-2007, 08:19 AM   #45
John Kelly
 
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

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David Skaggs wrote: View Post
And in the mean time how does Jebediah protect himself from the bullies, specifically if attacked again.

David
Just as any of us would do, I imagine. He trys his best to stay aware of potential danger. Avoid it if possible, confront it when necessary. Only Jeb can decide if a conflict requires his own physical response. I would encourage him to continue to train, and meditate on the consequences of violence, both to himself and others. I imagine from his writing, though, that this is not a foreign concept to him. He took a stance to defend himself when the first conflict occured. Then decided to walk away. Clearly, he is experiencing a heathy amount of fear and probably chose correctly. He let his guard down too soon, but only training and experience would have helped him there, and now he has the experience. I doubt he will fall for that one again. My point is, he instinctively assumed a defensive posture, then remained calm enough to walk away. WIth training, he will learn to just be ready to defend himself without acting defense, and he will learn to anticipate sucker punches, but that takes time. Regardless, it sounds like both Jeb and his father are taking their training seriously as a way to resolve physical conflicts, so I did not address it directly. I didn't mean to suggest that Jeb should not defend himself, I was mostly addressing the issue of the use of aikido to resolve the greater, intangible, adult conflict that this altercation has caused.
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Old 04-27-2007, 09:35 AM   #46
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Thrown out of the principals office.

Just came from principal Griggs office. I told her that I didn't feel she was being receptive to the idea of a bullying education/prevention program at Silver Valley High school. She said that elections for the school site council were in the Fall. I replied that I wanted to move forward on this without waiting for elections. I also reminded her of EDUCATION CODE SECTION 51100-51102 which gives me the right as a parent to assist schools in policy making etc. When I informed her that I had sent a certified letter to the Silver Valley Superindentent regarding my concerns, she stood up and announced, "Since you have sent a certified letter I will not speak with you any further without human resources present. This meeting is over!" She then walked to the door and showed me the way out.
Wow. I just don't know what to say here, other than Aikido training has helped me to remain very calm throughout this situation. Without it I would not be so adept at keeping my composure. This is to my advantage. Hopefully, Principal Griggs and I will eventually come to the understanding that I am not going away, that I am going to participate in my son's education, and I am going to help her make Silver Valley High school a better place.

Here is some snippets from the California Education Code:
1101. (a) Except as provided in subdivision (d), the parents and guardians of pupils enrolled in public schools have the right and should have the opportunity, as mutually supportive and respectful partners in the education of their children within the public schools, to be informed by the school, and to participate in the
education of their children, as follows:
(2) Within a reasonable time of their request, to meet with their
child's teacher or teachers and the principal of the school in which
their child is enrolled.
(3) To volunteer their time and resources for the improvement of school facilities and school programs under the supervision of district employees, including, but not limited to, providing assistance in the classroom with the approval, and under the direct supervision, of the teacher. Although volunteer parents may assist with instruction, primary instructional responsibility shall remain with the teacher.
(7) To have a school environment for their child that is safe and supportive of learning.

On a side note, this is the first time I have EVER been thrown out of a principals office.
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Old 04-27-2007, 09:56 AM   #47
Michael Hackett
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Apparently you now have Ms. Griggs' attention. Keep extensive notes of all your meetings, conversations, telephone calls and correspondance, just in case the need arises. In the meantime, try and take your own witness to any further meetings with her, since she intends to have an HR representative present. If you get into an area of discussion that is confidential, object to the HR person's presence during that part of the conversation. Under no circumstances should you consider recording your conversations with the school administration covertly. As tempting as that may appear, it would probably be a violation of the California Penal Code and cause you no end of troubles. You have taken the high ground here, so don't surrender it by misadventure.

Michael
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Old 04-27-2007, 10:58 AM   #48
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Again, I think this should be a public affair. You will have much better success with a group of parents, then you by yourself.

- Don
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein
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Old 04-27-2007, 03:31 PM   #49
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

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Michael Hackett wrote: View Post
Apparently you now have Ms. Griggs' attention. Keep extensive notes of all your meetings, conversations, telephone calls and correspondance, just in case the need arises. In the meantime, try and take your own witness to any further meetings with her, since she intends to have an HR representative present. If you get into an area of discussion that is confidential, object to the HR person's presence during that part of the conversation. Under no circumstances should you consider recording your conversations with the school administration covertly. As tempting as that may appear, it would probably be a violation of the California Penal Code and cause you no end of troubles. You have taken the high ground here, so don't surrender it by misadventure.
All very good advise. I like that word, "misadventure." Yeah, definitely no covert recording of any type. I have considered taking my video camera and requesting permission to set it up.lol Somehow I suspect I would have been escorted to the door again so I haven't. And yes, it is being "documented"; real time. As near as I can tell they are in legal CYA mode. The administration has told me that there appears to be a problem with their email system. Mysteriously they have received none of my 5 or 6 email's. They're "looking into that." I dropped off printed copies of them for their edification though.
Michael,
Is getting shown out of the principals office considered misadventure?

Your's and Clark's perspectives have been both constructive and valuable.
Thank you both and every one else. Talking about this here has been very thearaputic for me and my son. I appreciate very much the support both Jebediah and I have received here.
Sincerely,
Ricky Wood
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Old 04-27-2007, 07:04 PM   #50
Michael Hackett
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Re: The Art Of Peace vs Silver Valley High School Bullies

Ricky,

No, being shown the door isn't a misadventure. Had you refused to leave or created a disturbance, it would have played directly into her hands. At this stage, you have the popular image of a concerned parent, the parent of a victimized child, although I doubt the school administration would characterize you that way. To them, I suspect you are viewed as a pain in their office chair mating surface.

In my opinion, your best course of action remains to behave as a gentleman, remaining resolute without becoming strident and hostile. Regardless of what you choose to do in terms of calling the police, filing a lawsuit, going to the media, behaving reasonably in a measured and rational way will be to your benefit.

Unfortunately for your son, this could have a splash-back effect on him and he should be "as cautious as a virgin" in his conduct at school from here on in. Sorry that you're going through this..it must be awfully encompassing in your lives at this point and it won't be a lot of fun for your family. Best of luck.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
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