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Old 02-13-2014, 10:55 AM   #51
lbb
Location: Massachusetts
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,766
United_States
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Re: How to deal with irritating partner?

Quote:
Long Trinh wrote: View Post
The youngest of us is 18 and the vast majority are within 23-40. The people involved and myself, we are all grad students. I don't have time for a full detailed answer right now, and I'm not even sure if "the rest" is of any importance. But I'll just say that things like this are not uncommon in the dojo. It simply took me a while to see that something is really wrong here.
That sounds like it's pretty messed up, then. I'd be moving on.

This is probably completely unrelated...but at your new dojo (assuming you move on to a new place), before referring to an adult female human being as a "girl", you might ask yourself if it would feel appropriate to call an adult male human being of the same age a "boy". Context is everything, of course, but calling a woman "girl" can come across as dismissive or disparaging even if that's not your intent.
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Old 02-13-2014, 04:14 PM   #52
Dalaran1991
Location: Paris
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 62
France
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Re: How to deal with irritating partner?

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
That sounds like it's pretty messed up, then. I'd be moving on.

This is probably completely unrelated...but at your new dojo (assuming you move on to a new place), before referring to an adult female human being as a "girl", you might ask yourself if it would feel appropriate to call an adult male human being of the same age a "boy". Context is everything, of course, but calling a woman "girl" can come across as dismissive or disparaging even if that's not your intent.
Yeah I'm moving on, before these bad behaviors start getting into me. Not just that but people were sleeping with each other left and right, and the drama which ensued is too distracting for training. Hopefully being at a new dojo where I know no one will help me to reachieve my balance with the art.

Funny, here in Paris people call each other girls and boys even up to their 40s Though even back in US I refer to women in their 20s as girls all the time, and they either call us boys or guys. I've never heard anyone referred to me or my buddies "this man" @@
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Old 02-13-2014, 05:25 PM   #53
Riai Maori
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 91
New Zealand-Maori
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Re: How to deal with irritating partner?

Mate your not alone...First Kyu Shihan…7+years…

We have a female student (6 foot) who has been a first Kyu for the past 7 years and more. I have sat beside her on the mat and listened to her criticize and run down whoever is doing Randori. Training with her is a lecture on technique and NO it’s not done like that. At the moment I bite my bottom lip, out of due respect and her seniority within the club. I avoid her like the plague on the mat, but unfortunately sometimes this is not possible. I want to tell her…maybe you should focus more on yourself because that’s why you are stuck on first Kyu…shut up and train…how about reporting early for training to help set up the dojo mats cause you live the closest and I drive 45 minutes to the dojo, then set up the mats…The list goes on.

I don’t want to approach Sensei as he’s probably had the same story from someone else.

Last edited by Riai Maori : 02-13-2014 at 05:27 PM. Reason: spelling mistake

There is always 3 sides to a story, their side, your side and the TRUTH
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Old 03-07-2014, 11:01 AM   #54
Edgecrusher
 
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Dojo: Tampa, FL
Location: Tampa, Florida
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 75
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Re: How to deal with irritating partner?

Sometimes I find it hard to make the determination of what I need to do while working with someone who is considered "Irritating". Do I approach them privately and request that they take a break or do I resort to teaching the hard way? Case in point, a student who sometimes frequents our school while he is in town on business, drives me insane. Repeats everything that our Shihan says and really annoys me. I do my best to avoid him but, when I am squared off I do my best to work with and help with the techniques. One of the moves my Shihan taught was somewhat new and when he asked us to partner up, he mentioned take it slow, no speed. Since I am higher ranked I chose to go the slow speed route and do it correctly. This cat chose to damn near take my arm off and inflicted a lot of pain. After asking him several times to slow it down and not break my arm, he chose to continue at the speed he was not used to going. Well, when it was my turn I quickly took my advantage and he then learned how I achieved ikkyu. I got him in an arm-bar and kicked my feet out and down to the mat we went. since he was a couple of ranks below me I knew where he was with his ukemi and knew he could handle the fall. Everyone in the dojo saw it happen and when he tapped out, I saw many jaws on the floor when I released it and stood up. My Shihan said nothing and we discussed it after class. This is not something I normally condone however, in some instances it may be the right way. That judgement should be relied on by the other persons ability. If this man could not have handled the take down, it never would have happened as I would have walked off the mat.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:53 AM   #55
Dalaran1991
Location: Paris
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 62
France
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Re: How to deal with irritating partner?

Actually I'm starting to think this is a problem with ego and immaturity.

There was this beginner girl (20 y o) who has only done Aiki in 3 months, though she did taekwondo before. My friend 1st kyu trained with her, and he forgot his hakama. The girl started lecturing him on how his stance is bad and how she could have kicked him with her taekwondo stuff. He just rolled his eyes, smirking. I couldn't resist "Bro, where's your hakama?" The girl's frozen on the spot.
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:50 AM   #56
lbb
Location: Massachusetts
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,766
United_States
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Re: How to deal with irritating partner?

Maybe you should be looking at what's the common element in all these stories. Let me know what conclusions you come to.
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Old 03-20-2014, 02:34 PM   #57
Phil Van Treese
Dojo: Tampa Judo and Aikido Dojo, Tampa, Fl
Location: Tampa, Florida
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 174
United_States
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Re: How to deal with irritating partner?

The easiest way is to tell the irritating person that you don't appreciate his/her comments, keep them to his/herself and if they don't like that, explain that the doors work both ways, coming in and going out. Doesn't matter what rank they are---wrong is wrong. 1 person shouldn't disrupt the class but if there is one,or more, that do disrupt the class, then the sensei should have enough **** to ask them to either cool their jets or hit the road. I've had this problem a few times and I think they're still smarting from our "discussion". If you want, talk to the sensei by himself/herself and explain the situation and that should be the end of it.
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Old 03-24-2014, 04:00 PM   #58
mboogie
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2
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Re: How to deal with irritating partner?

I also have challenging ukes. Very long, very short, inflexible, stiff, grumpy, semi aggresive... and also the overly verbal one's.

I don't evade them because I think they can help me overcome my own limitations.

I have had a seriously irritating and scary uke one time. A new guy with ADHD (he said) and piercing eyes constantly telling everybody scary stuff about him training special forces in the military and doing very whacky things... (why?) I actualy think he has another mental problem. After a couple of weeks I noticed I didn't feel happy going to aikido practice because of him. And I also learned I wasn't alone. Then, I trained with him one time and he took of again with one of his penetrating speeches... and I had it... Calmly I said I wasn't interrested in his stories, didn't like it and just want to train the techniques. Then I asked him (rather nicely) if we can we do that? still willingly to train with him.

He backed down and seemed rather stressed about my remark. He didn't want to train with me anymore, which was ok with me. That was the last time I trained with him because the next week or so he didn't show up anymore. I don't know the reason why he stopped but I can't imagine that it was because of my remark.

I think giving him assertive feedback on his behaviour was the best thing I could do.

Last edited by mboogie : 03-24-2014 at 04:04 PM.
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