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Old 12-01-2013, 09:31 PM   #26
LuvAikido
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Re: exiting a dojo

Quote:
Walter Martindale wrote: View Post
I haven't heard of it happening lately but my first judo sensei spent quite a while in Japan in the 60s - told us/our dojo of a Japanese member of a dojo in Tokyo who let his club know at the start of a training session that he would be leaving, and training at a different dojo - I don't really remember the circumstances - whether the guy was leaving because he didn't like the dojo and wanted to switch allegiance, or because he had to move to a different city, or.. orů but - the story related to us was that the other members of the dojo essentially all had a "practice" with him, each doing his best effort to give him a good bashing, and at the end of the night, it turned out to be his last practice anywhere. Whether he died in the hospital or on the dojo floor I don't know. It may be one of those urban myths, and I may be paranoid, but each dojo and each sensei is different.

When I'm going to take on a new dojo (because I've moved - and I move a lot - coaching isn't all that stable a profession) I always ask if I can watch a practice or two before I join, and I make sure to have a chat with some of the guys in the club. So far nobody's tried to hurt me but I know it's possible. Now, I'm old enough that they probably won't bother, but around the martial arts, it's always a good idea to be careful about the "tough guy" attitude that some training locations have.

IMO...
Hmm... This happened in Japan, I doubt such activity is legal here in Canada or USA, besides, if ur really getting hurt u can always walk out... And if anyone is paranoid you can always say you would like to stop training for a while and not say "I don't like you, so I'm going else where".... That's not nessasarily a right thing to say at any point, and in any country.... Just rude!

Just because one person had issues and does not like their sensei I doesn't mean that the sensei is a bad sensei, because there are many others who enjoy training with that same sensei...that's just my 2 cents
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Old 12-02-2013, 09:37 AM   #27
crbateman
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Re: exiting a dojo

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Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
Hello Clark,

I've got no beef with the course of action or with your suggestion. I just wonder if "problem" is the right way to frame it. Problem with the dojo? With this other person? With aikido? What "problem" do you perceive here, and why is it on OP to "solve" it?
Mary, I assume there must be a problem, or the OP would not be talking of quitting the dojo she has trained in for 4 years, and possibly quitting aikido altogether (complete with Mr. displayed in her post). My suggestion that she give it another shot someplace else to me seems reasonable, given her statements. I can't speculate as to the exact nature of her situation beyond what I read above. I have not suggested that she is responsible for resolving the situation; she already seems determined to deal with it. I only hope, and I am only suggesting, that she does not indict the whole body of aikido because of a bad experience with one instructor or dojo.
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Old 12-02-2013, 11:01 AM   #28
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Re: exiting a dojo

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Clark Bateman wrote: View Post
I have not suggested that she is responsible for resolving the situation; .
You said "you will not really have solved anything", which led me to think otherwise. I stand corrected.

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Clark Bateman wrote: View Post
I only hope, and I am only suggesting, that she does not indict the whole body of aikido because of a bad experience with one instructor or dojo.
I didn't see any indication that she was inclined to do that.
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Old 12-02-2013, 02:30 PM   #29
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Re: exiting a dojo

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Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
I didn't see any indication that she was inclined to do that.
Her post #15 says in part "...enough is enough. probably done with aikido..."

That's when I decided to try to bring her back from the brink.
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:00 PM   #30
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Re: exiting a dojo

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Clark Bateman wrote: View Post
Her post #15 says in part "...enough is enough. probably done with aikido..."

That's when I decided to try to bring her back from the brink.
Good catch! Well, to be honest, it sounded like the kind of experience that would really sour you on the practice. But forever is a long time. A cooling-off period won't hurt a bit, I'm thinking, and it's good that you and others encouraged her to keep the door open.
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Old 12-03-2013, 06:23 AM   #31
Walter Martindale
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Re: exiting a dojo

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Oksana De Luca wrote: View Post
Hmm... This happened in Japan, I doubt such activity is legal here in Canada or USA, besides, if ur really getting hurt u can always walk out... And if anyone is paranoid you can always say you would like to stop training for a while and not say "I don't like you, so I'm going else where".... That's not nessasarily a right thing to say at any point, and in any country.... Just rude!

Just because one person had issues and does not like their sensei I doesn't mean that the sensei is a bad sensei, because there are many others who enjoy training with that same sensei...that's just my 2 cents
Legal? Who ever suggested it was legal? Not me. In the sometimes warped male "martial arts" world it happens. Legal? Not likely in Japan, either. Homicide/manslaughter/murder aren't legal. Anywhere. Doesn't stop it from happening.

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean nobody's out to get you." I probably wouldn't practice in a dojo where such attitudes were prevalent - not even when I was young and stupid... Now I'm just not young..

Like I said, I was told about it a long time ago (in the 70s) and it was supposed to have happened in the 60s. I HOPE people have progressed since then.
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Old 12-03-2013, 07:00 AM   #32
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Re: exiting a dojo

Yeah, this may be an urban legend. I've heard several times and IIRC WRT different styles (all Japanese,though). It's possible that it had its genesis in a real incident -- not at all unlikely, in fact, when you consider the foolishness that human beings get up to. On the other hand, it's not something I'd consider a likely outcome, in Japan or elsewhere, if you were to announce that you're leaving a dojo "...but AFTER this training session!" That, however, would not encourage me to do something that strikes me as stupid and tactless even in the absence of the mildest retaliation. If you're going to go, go. Don't make a drama-club production out of it.
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Old 01-08-2014, 12:08 AM   #33
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Re: exiting a dojo

Follow up:

I did not leave Aikido, but I did find another dojo and for the time being, I am freakin ecstatic. Clark Bateman was on point with his critique. And no, i wasn't insulted. Was I on the brink? absolutely.

part of the problem was how to do what i knew i needed to do politely and with as little damage as possible. but we know the martial arts community is a small one and Aikido is fraught with politics, like anything else.

the other part of the problem in actuality is that the sensei had/has a personal dislike for me, because i don't fit his paradigm of how a woman should train, at the very least. this much was obvious. was/is there more? maybe. does it matter? No. I had procrastinated and vacillated, because i didnt trust my own judgement anymore. and i was angry, because there wasn't any valid reason for the disrespect and rudeness i'd endured; while others came into the dojo and trashed it's lack of quality and trashed the sensei. but these people received preferential treatment. so yes, i was pissed.

the solution was to move on, without making a stink and chalking it up to one experience of many more to come. I decided the old adage, avoid fights you can't win was a good one. even though i was in the right, it wouldn't have mattered because of the politics.

thanks all again for the good insights.
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Old 01-08-2014, 09:04 AM   #34
Janet Rosen
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Re: exiting a dojo

Thank you for the update and kudos to you for taking good action!

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 01-08-2014, 02:42 PM   #35
Larry Feldman
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Re: exiting a dojo

Congrats on the move.

Don't beat yourself up about where you started. Without that training it would have been hard for you to make the 'new' right choice.

It is somewhat amazing to me that whatever dojo we happen to wander into as uniformed beginners that we somehow think it will be perfect for life....
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Old 01-08-2014, 02:52 PM   #36
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Re: exiting a dojo

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Anonymous User wrote: View Post
the solution was to move on, without making a stink and chalking it up to one experience of many more to come. I decided the old adage, avoid fights you can't win was a good one. even though i was in the right, it wouldn't have mattered because of the politics.
You can't win any fight if your opponent doesn't have to play by your rules. That can be depressing, but on the upside, that's how aikido works too! Better luck and happier training at your new dojo.
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