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Old 03-05-2013, 11:21 AM   #26
"David Hall 1980"
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Anonymous User
Re: No-one wants to practice with me

I am posting from my phone and I do not know why my post got scrambled I apologize
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Old 03-06-2013, 04:24 AM   #27
"beenthere"
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Yes, I always insist on being attacked only by acceptable people who conform to my standards ; -). otherwise I refuse to get involved.
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Old 03-06-2013, 08:37 AM   #28
lbb
Location: Massachusetts
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Yes, I always insist on being attacked only by acceptable people who conform to my standards ; -). otherwise I refuse to get involved.
The people in your aikido class are not "attacking" you. They are training with you. It's perfectly reasonable to expect training partners to conform to reasonable standards of behavior and hygiene - and also, since the thread has veered off in this direction, no indication that this is NOT the case with OP.
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Old 03-06-2013, 11:08 AM   #29
Basia Halliop
Join Date: Jun 2006
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Quote:
Yes, I always insist on being attacked only by acceptable people who conform to my standards ; -). otherwise I refuse to get involved.
FWIW, if we're talking about self-defense, learning to pick and choose who you hang around with or allow to get in your physical personal space IS just about the single most important and powerful thing you can learn. Far more likely to save your life than the actual physical fighting skills.

That said, I don't think that's really what's going on here, from the sounds of it. More of an aside.

But hopefully the OP can find a way to resolve the situation so they are comfortable and getting a good training experience. I wonder if there's anyone at the dojo (sensei or another student) they know a bit better or feel more comfortable with they could ask about this? Maybe people aren't aware how much they're doing it -- presumably the sensei is probably interested in things that might make newcomers feel more welcome and be more likely to stay. Or alternatively maybe there's something the OP could do to differently, e.g., smile and approach people more (just an example since someone mentioned sometimes people get the impression someone's reserved and would rather be left alone). Or maybe this just isn't the best fit of a dojo, also possible.
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Old 03-22-2013, 03:53 PM   #30
Williamross77
 
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

where do you live?

in Aiki
Agatsu!!
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Old 04-03-2013, 03:49 PM   #31
john2054
Location: Derby
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Yes, I always insist on being attacked only by acceptable people who conform to my standards ; -). otherwise I refuse to get involved.
I think that 'beenthere' was being ironic!
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Old 04-08-2013, 04:49 AM   #32
"beenthere"
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Hi, yes, ironic.
I do think that part of training is stretching your boundaries to continue to engage with people who make you uncomfortable, for whatever reason. of course you can decide at any time that is not safe or possible, but in general, I think of that (yes I do that sometimes) as my failure to be ready for that partner yet - my training is not advanced enough to accept and/or deal with whatever it is, wether its poor hygiene or real malice ( just for example). But I do think refusing to practice with people who are different or make you uncomfortable is generally a lost opportunity. It is a martial art. Someone who is eating raw garlic all day for a cold is, in my opinion, offering me a kind of attack, and I can choose to center and concentrate and train anyway. Walking away from them might be necessary at times, but it may not be as valuable to my training as working with it. Aikido is among other things training in staying engaged when you really want to flee.
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:15 AM   #33
ruthmc
Dojo: Wokingham Aikido
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Happens to me a lot too

I think it's because I'm female, and the gung-ho young bucks simply don't want to train with a girl

It doesn't matter who you train with, you can still practise your Aikido (any aspects of it that you can safely work on with that person).

Those who only train with their pals are missing a few vital life lessons, not to mention Aikido ones!!

OP I'm sorry that has been your experience. Hope you found a better place
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Old 04-30-2013, 02:30 PM   #34
Robert Cowham
Dojo: East Sheen Aikido and Kashima No Tachi
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Quote:
Ruth Rae wrote: View Post
Happens to me a lot too

I think it's because I'm female, and the gung-ho young bucks simply don't want to train with a girl
I remember training with a fairly senior lady who I initially found somewhat frustrating. She was very good and could do techniques with me quite easily, even though I was significantly larger and heavier and was applying my strength.

However, when I was nage, it initially felt that if I so much as twitched, then she threw herself - so I never got to actually feel any resistance at all to the technique. I realised that she had most likely developed this response in self preservation with lots of practice with gung ho guys. I started getting much more value when I approached techniques much more softly and in a spirit of research, to see if I could control things to the point that she didn't just roll away. Adjust your practice to your partner - look at what you can learn from everyone.

Mind you I have known some scary ladies too, who have challenged more than one keen young bloke and shown them the error of their ways!
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Old 05-02-2013, 06:19 AM   #35
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Part of the fun is seeing the assumptions.

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Old 05-05-2013, 08:21 AM   #36
heathererandolph
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Thumbs up Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Dear no one,

Well, for one thing, as long as you have a partner or someone to practice with eventually, you're still able to practice Aikido, and therefore accomplish your goal. If you become a black belt, people will probably be more interested in practicing with you! I've seen this cliquish behavior, and it could be annoying. Sometimes I'd make eye contact with someone, then they'd head towards someone else and by that time I was left with lim pickings.

My advice is:

Target the person you want to work with. Rush over to them immediately after bowing.

Become a great person to practice with. Work on your attacks and your Ukemi. Everyone loves to work with a great uke.

After class, approach your previous partner to find if they have any suggestions on how to improve.

Remember to smile.

My reaction is, I would love it if my students rushed over to a new person excited to work with them, but that doesn't always happen. People need a reason to work with you, at least until they have done so.
Try not to take it personally, and to let this make you unhappy. Present a positive, upbeat attitude at all times. You love Aikido! Let it show.

I think you can turn this around. People like being flattered, if they know you're dying to work with them, specifically, that should help. People like being asked for advice. And I know everyone in Aikido loves a great uke.

Do you have an idea why they don't choose you? I am just wondering. You may have to go out of your way to show that is not an issue if you can think of anything specific.

And, let someone know, at some point, that you hope you can partner up with them soon.

Last edited by heathererandolph : 05-05-2013 at 08:23 AM. Reason: Add something
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