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Old 09-12-2011, 07:40 AM   #26
Tim Ruijs
 
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Completely agree with you there.

In a real fight:
* If you make a bad decision, you die.
* If you don't decide anything, you die.
Aikido teaches you how to decide.
www.aikido-makato.nl
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Old 09-12-2011, 08:54 AM   #27
Relaxed Aikidoka
Dojo: Butoku-Ryu Aikijujutsu
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England
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Talking Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

I believe you are correct when you say I should stop harassing him.
I'll follow your advice. Thank you all sincerely for this, I really appreciate it. Anyway if you want to leave additional advice about this matter i'm all ears...or eyes in this case!

Thanks again
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Old 09-12-2011, 09:27 AM   #28
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

My views on AikiWeb are different than a lot of other people's views.. Some people make fun of my views. Some people ignore them and some people make fun of me. Some poeple may like them.

For me the practice is to keep posting because I have things to say. If someone likes or doesn't like what I say or puts me on ignore or makes comments good or bad is irrelevant. I have no control over others. However, my viewpoint might make a difference to someone else just as your viewpoints, whether I like them or not, may help me learn something about myself and others.

How is this Aikidoka helping you learn about yourself?
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Old 09-12-2011, 10:21 AM   #29
sakumeikan
Dojo: Sakumeikan N.E. Aikkai .Newcastle upon Tyne.
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Mary Eastland wrote: View Post
My views on AikiWeb are different than a lot of other people's views.. Some people make fun of my views. Some people ignore them and some people make fun of me. Some poeple may like them.

For me the practice is to keep posting because I have things to say. If someone likes or doesn't like what I say or puts me on ignore or makes comments good or bad is irrelevant. I have no control over others. However, my viewpoint might make a difference to someone else just as your viewpoints, whether I like them or not, may help me learn something about myself and others.

How is this Aikidoka helping you learn about yourself?
Dear Mary,
Asking this question is almost an exercise in contemplating ones navel.I think its a waste of ones time .However much you engage in silent thought ,mentally debating this issue,at the end of the day the result is the same-the two guys involved are not compatible .Surely this is the main issue?The whys and wherefores of how the two guys do not gel
is irrelevant.In a nutshell ,you cannot no matter how you try,you
cannot get on with everyone.Use time in a more positive way , rather than engage in self analysis.Cheers, Joe.
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Old 09-12-2011, 02:38 PM   #30
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Thanks for the advice, Joe. I see that we see things differently.

My practice involves contemplation. I am interested in why I see things the way I do.

I might have caused harm where I meant none. Maybe I am too sensitive and I need to change. When I can see myself as I am then I can do something about it.

And there is the time when nothing more can be done and I must accept that some people just don't like me and that is ok.
Best,
Mary
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Old 09-12-2011, 03:39 PM   #31
Hellis
Dojo: Ellis Schools of Traditional Aikido
Location: Bracknell
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Joe Curran wrote: View Post
Dear Mary,
Asking this question is almost an exercise in contemplating ones navel.Cheers, Joe.
Hi Joe

This is like a thread on a sowing circle forum rather than a martial arts forum..

Regards

Henry
Aikido Articles
http://aikidoarticles.blogspot.com/
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Old 09-12-2011, 03:50 PM   #32
akiy
 
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Hi folks,

Please let's keep judgments regarding the topic of other people's discussions out of the posts here. If you have differing thoughts about a topic, please address the topic itself rather than casting judgments about the topic's worthiness or appropriateness.

All topics here are welcome -- outside of those which go against the Forum Rules, of course.

Thank you,

-- Jun

Please help support AikiWeb -- become an AikiWeb Contributing Member!
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Old 09-13-2011, 01:14 AM   #33
sakumeikan
Dojo: Sakumeikan N.E. Aikkai .Newcastle upon Tyne.
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Mary Eastland wrote: View Post
Thanks for the advice, Joe. I see that we see things differently.

My practice involves contemplation. I am interested in why I see things the way I do.

I might have caused harm where I meant none. Maybe I am too sensitive and I need to change. When I can see myself as I am then I can do something about it.

And there is the time when nothing more can be done and I must accept that some people just don't like me and that is ok.
Best,
Mary
Dear Mary,
I cannot speak for everyone but I can assure you I think your Ok.Nothing wrong with having different viewpoints on issues.Makes for interesting reading. All the best, Joe.
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Old 09-13-2011, 09:32 AM   #34
Mary Eastland
 
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Dojo: Berkshire Hills Aikido
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Thanks, Joe. I feel the same way. My post was about my process not about anyone's behavior. Thanks for your kind words.
Mary
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Old 10-29-2011, 08:22 PM   #35
terry johnson
 
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Adam Frank wrote: View Post
I've looked on aikiweb and have seen people that have come against aikidoka's that just WANT to have a problem with you.
I am having this problem. An aikidoka is being hostile to me.
(not openly)

He criticises me but refuses to aid me. He won't pair up with me because I was a bad uke with him and i'm trying to overcome that. I constantly try to go against his hatred and attempt to make him see reason, to get him to partner up with me and forget this hatred.

It HONESTLY makes me sad he won't just STOP this nonsense!

I quote this from him- "I am there to help others learn but primarily im there to further my own knowledge."

What do you all think? What can I do? I want to restore our friendship.
Talk with your Sensei and he will tell you, probably, it's a lesson you must learn to overcome. In other words, look at yourself and ask, maybe I am at fault.
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Old 10-30-2011, 07:24 AM   #36
Lyle Laizure
 
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Dojo: Hinode Dojo LLC
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

From what I gather he has never given you a specific reason for not wanting to practice with you. There is too much unknown here. I rarely have the problem of someone not wanting to practice with me because everyone likes throwing a fat guy.

If this is causing dicourse in the dojo your sensei should definately be made aware of it and will act on it as he sees fit.

Lyle Laizure
www.hinodedojo.com
Deru kugi wa uta reru
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Old 10-30-2011, 10:09 AM   #37
Hanna B
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Join Date: Dec 2001
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Sweden
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

The only way to make this individual want to train with you, is to leave him alone for as long as he needs - and then leave it up to him.
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Old 10-31-2011, 12:31 AM   #38
Mario Tobias
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 252
Philippines
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Don't force someone to train with you if you feel he doesn't like to train with you. The uke nage relationship needs some level of trust with the partner and you as uke do not want to hand over your body to someone you cannot fully trust. Serious injuries are borne this way. Trust and dont trust your partner at the same time, even if you are the closest of friends. While doing aikido, you are not enemies but you are not friends either at that very moment.
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Old 10-31-2011, 02:36 AM   #39
Tim Ruijs
 
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Mario Tobias wrote: View Post
Don't force someone to train with you if you feel he doesn't like to train with you. The uke nage relationship needs some level of trust with the partner and you as uke do not want to hand over your body to someone you cannot fully trust. Serious injuries are borne this way. Trust and dont trust your partner at the same time, even if you are the closest of friends. While doing aikido, you are not enemies but you are not friends either at that very moment.
Well put. The relation friend or foe does not exist 'at that moment'.

In a real fight:
* If you make a bad decision, you die.
* If you don't decide anything, you die.
Aikido teaches you how to decide.
www.aikido-makato.nl
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Old 03-15-2012, 12:54 AM   #40
aikidoka81
 
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Singapore
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Adam Frank wrote: View Post
I've looked on aikiweb and have seen people that have come against aikidoka's that just WANT to have a problem with you.
I am having this problem. An aikidoka is being hostile to me.
(not openly)

He criticises me but refuses to aid me. He won't pair up with me because I was a bad uke with him and i'm trying to overcome that. I constantly try to go against his hatred and attempt to make him see reason, to get him to partner up with me and forget this hatred.

It HONESTLY makes me sad he won't just STOP this nonsense!

I quote this from him- "I am there to help others learn but primarily im there to further my own knowledge."

What do you all think? What can I do? I want to restore our friendship.
You shouldn't bother with such people. He's just being selfish and unhelpful.
You don't need friends like him.

Aikido The Gentle Martial Art http://www.squidoo.com/aikido3
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Old 03-15-2012, 01:00 AM   #41
aikidoka81
 
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Singapore
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Adam Frank wrote: View Post
I've looked on aikiweb and have seen people that have come against aikidoka's that just WANT to have a problem with you.
I am having this problem. An aikidoka is being hostile to me.
(not openly)

He criticises me but refuses to aid me. He won't pair up with me because I was a bad uke with him and i'm trying to overcome that. I constantly try to go against his hatred and attempt to make him see reason, to get him to partner up with me and forget this hatred.

It HONESTLY makes me sad he won't just STOP this nonsense!

I quote this from him- "I am there to help others learn but primarily im there to further my own knowledge."

What do you all think? What can I do? I want to restore our friendship.
You shouldn't bother with such people. He's just being selfish and unhelpful.
You don't need friends like him.

Aikido The Gentle Martial Art http://www.squidoo.com/aikido3
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Old 03-16-2012, 04:51 AM   #42
lars beyer
Dojo: Copenhagen Aikishuren Dojo
Location: Denmark
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Adam Frank wrote: View Post
"You are not there to make friends."

I thank you for your input but I am not there to have enemies either. Everyone in the dojo should work together. It's easy for you to say "ignore him" isn't it? Even if I did ignore him, I feel empty within. I need to make peace with him. I repeat, how do I do it?
Dear adam
I think the problem is that you demand something he canīt or wonīt give you.. You say you need to make peace, but like everything else itīs not something you can force on people, maybe you should chill out and go with the flow.
So like itīs allready been said many times, leave it alone.

(I know this thread is not completely new and you have probably learned from reading here, so in a way itīs becoming rhetorical, but still itīs an interresting subject.)

Cheers
Lars
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:45 AM   #43
lbb
Location: Massachusetts
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Chua Halim wrote: View Post
You shouldn't bother with such people. He's just being selfish and unhelpful.
You don't need friends like him.
You know this thread is a year old, right?
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Old 03-17-2012, 11:43 AM   #44
GB-UK
 
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
You know this thread is a year old, right?
I didn't realise 5 months is equal to a year, maybe years are shorter in the US
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Old 03-17-2012, 06:03 PM   #45
sakumeikan
Dojo: Sakumeikan N.E. Aikkai .Newcastle upon Tyne.
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
Join Date: Jan 2008
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United Kingdom
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Adam Frank wrote: View Post
I've looked on aikiweb and have seen people that have come against aikidoka's that just WANT to have a problem with you.
I am having this problem. An aikidoka is being hostile to me.
(not openly)

He criticises me but refuses to aid me. He won't pair up with me because I was a bad uke with him and i'm trying to overcome that. I constantly try to go against his hatred and attempt to make him see reason, to get him to partner up with me and forget this hatred.

It HONESTLY makes me sad he won't just STOP this nonsense!

I quote this from him- "I am there to help others learn but primarily im there to further my own knowledge."

What do you all think? What can I do? I want to restore our friendship.
Dear Adam,
With friends like this guy who need enemies? Kick him into touch. You need him like you need a hole in the head. Use commonsense , get rid of him.Why do you bother ?Are you a closet masochist? Cheers Joe.
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Old 03-19-2012, 07:06 AM   #46
lbb
Location: Massachusetts
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Re: Problem with another aikidoka.

Quote:
Gornall Bell wrote: View Post
I didn't realise 5 months is equal to a year, maybe years are shorter in the US
Meh. Point stands. Old thread, why revive it?
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