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Old 02-19-2012, 12:14 PM   #1
elacueva
 
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Dojo: aikikai
Join Date: Dec 2009
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Philippines
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There is something wrong!

I just thought it recently when before I take a break in training aikido. There is something i felt and wrong with me and i don't know what was that for!

When i am in the process of learning aikido, in a year of continually training, there is something i felt that "one day,i was eating breakfast and watching news about how people do crimes, critiques each other, do violence things and just like "flash" like the whole things get separated with me! like that questioning my own self that "is this is where i belong?while im influenced some references and books related in the nature of one self! and read O' Senseis quotes! books! etc. even im not that good in debating! well thats not matter! i just want to confirm these and share what was this for? ??

hmm! Just like that even that
"is this is my friends are? talking some jokes of lust, criticize other they don't know "
"is this is my family? just like i miss them for so long!! even i with them all the time"
"what kind of persons that surrounding me?"
"do i belong here?"

haha i don't know what was that week or days!!! but one thing clear now to me after taking a break,, this is reality.. . there is wrong with my thinking in that day which i thought i dont know what it is!.. and i am well now!

Sensei's! what is that feelings? is that sort of human disorder of thinking? haha if so! then "OMG!" its bad! i dont want to feel that again! i feel Alone in that day but feel like i feel the world crying and like my concentration on one thing is great and clearly analyzing things! BUT its affected me and bother me now! hehe i just want to clear it in my thoughts and confirm it!

OR

It could it be JUST an overwhelming emotion my mine?? may be so!

Last edited by elacueva : 02-19-2012 at 12:27 PM.

zero
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Old 02-19-2012, 03:33 PM   #2
mathewjgano
 
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Dojo: Tsubaki Kannagara Jinja Aikidojo; Himeji Shodokan Dojo
Location: Renton
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,113
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Re: There is something wrong!

Quote:
Emmanuel Lacueva wrote: View Post
I just thought it recently when before I take a break in training aikido. There is something i felt and wrong with me and i don't know what was that for!

When i am in the process of learning aikido, in a year of continually training, there is something i felt that "one day,i was eating breakfast and watching news about how people do crimes, critiques each other, do violence things and just like "flash" like the whole things get separated with me! like that questioning my own self that "is this is where i belong?while im influenced some references and books related in the nature of one self! and read O' Senseis quotes! books! etc. even im not that good in debating! well thats not matter! i just want to confirm these and share what was this for? ??

hmm! Just like that even that
"is this is my friends are? talking some jokes of lust, criticize other they don't know "
"is this is my family? just like i miss them for so long!! even i with them all the time"
"what kind of persons that surrounding me?"
"do i belong here?"

haha i don't know what was that week or days!!! but one thing clear now to me after taking a break,, this is reality.. . there is wrong with my thinking in that day which i thought i dont know what it is!.. and i am well now!

Sensei's! what is that feelings? is that sort of human disorder of thinking? haha if so! then "OMG!" its bad! i dont want to feel that again! i feel Alone in that day but feel like i feel the world crying and like my concentration on one thing is great and clearly analyzing things! BUT its affected me and bother me now! hehe i just want to clear it in my thoughts and confirm it!

OR

It could it be JUST an overwhelming emotion my mine?? may be so!
I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time understanding exactly what you are saying, so I apologize if I am mistaken, but making sense of the world is tough. I think it's natural to ask questions like those from time to time, and, even though it is difficult, it can be healthy to look at our lives with new eyes, even if it's temporary.
I hope that helped.
Take care,
Matt

Gambarimashyo!
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Old 02-20-2012, 08:12 AM   #3
Diana Frese
Dojo: Aikikai of S.W. Conn. (formerly)
Location: Stamford Connecticut
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 382
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Re: There is something wrong!

Thanks Emanuel and Matthew, you both have good points as question and answer so I will try to point out that the questions are natural, and the answer is very true and kind. Yes probably most of us have these moments when the world seems weird, even hopeless with the destructive activities going on, and it's hard to understand what we can do as individuals. I find it helpful however, to take comfort in the fact that many people are trying to make a difference for the better. About family, we are so close but sometimes we wonder, what can that other family member be thinking? But then, I realize in my own case, that often eventually if we listen and observe the clues, we can understand better, and with our own behavior improve the tone of the family communication. In my case it has been well worth the effort with my brothers, and with my husband.

Well, enough about me, I hope others respond to the original poster's very sincere question and to Matthew's excellent answer.
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:07 PM   #4
Shadowfax
 
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Dojo: Allegheny Aikido, Pitsburgh PA
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Re: There is something wrong!

I think I understand what you are experiencing and will tell you that I have had similar moments myself. I think aikido ,for some people, does inspire an internal change in how you think about things and how you see the world around you. At times it can feel like you are watching it all and it is separate from you. I know it has had a profound effect on my own way of being.

Any rate there is nothing wrong with you. It is just a process that some people go through in their lives. In my experience it brings good things.
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Old 02-20-2012, 02:41 PM   #5
elacueva
 
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Re: There is something wrong!

OH my! Thank you senseis for the post!

Its clear now to my understanding that its only natural to have this feelings! i thought I only the one having this last time! haiz..

Best wishes and Arigatou gozaimasu Senseis..

zero
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Old 02-20-2012, 02:49 PM   #6
Stephen Nichol
Dojo: Aikilife, Canberra
Location: Canberra, ACT
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 90
Australia
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Re: There is something wrong!

Quote:
Emmanuel Lacueva wrote: View Post
... "one day,i was eating breakfast and watching news about how people do crimes, critiques each other, do violence things and just like "flash" like the whole things get separated with me!
Small comment here: The TV News tends to report a lot more 'bad things' from local and around world than they do about 'good things'. It is easy to think that every where is full of crime, violence and people 'judging' each other based on how they dress, wear their hair, tatoos, body piercings etc..

I try to look at everyone I see, no matter their age, 'size/body type', gender, tatoos, hair, clothing 'choices' as someone's daughter, son, mother, father, brother, sister. They are all people. All of them have hopes and dreams just like me. When I can see by how they present themselves with their choice of clothes, hair, tatoos, words they speak with.. I can get a sense of their goals, hopes and dreams and try to share a moment with them based on that. This is to avoid becoming 'seperated' with everyone and everything. Instead I am happy to part of as much of it as I can be.

People are the most interesting thing out there to me. I am always interested in why each of us are the way we are and I am happy in trying to find out.

I think it is funny how we can watch a science fiction show that involves some 'human like' aliens that in the show will be friends and allies and we can accept the way they look with different colour hair and skin and different shapped ears or heads.. and be totally 'ok' with that. However we see a person on the street with clothing, hair, tatoos, piercings and in some cases, immediate be 'not ok' with that. Funny how that works.

Quote:
Emmanuel Lacueva wrote: View Post
.. like that questioning my own self that "is this is where i belong?while im influenced some references and books related in the nature of one self! and read O' Senseis quotes! books! etc. even im not that good in debating! well thats not matter! i just want to confirm these and share what was this for? ??

hmm! Just like that even that
"is this is my friends are? talking some jokes of lust, criticize other they don't know "
"is this is my family? just like i miss them for so long!! even i with them all the time"
"what kind of persons that surrounding me?"
"do i belong here?"

haha i don't know what was that week or days!!! but one thing clear now to me after taking a break,, this is reality.. . there is wrong with my thinking in that day which i thought i dont know what it is!.. and i am well now!

Sensei's! what is that feelings? is that sort of human disorder of thinking? haha if so! then "OMG!" its bad! i dont want to feel that again! i feel Alone in that day but feel like i feel the world crying and like my concentration on one thing is great and clearly analyzing things! BUT its affected me and bother me now! hehe i just want to clear it in my thoughts and confirm it!

OR

It could it be JUST an overwhelming emotion my mine?? may be so!
Quote:
"is this is my friends are? talking some jokes of lust, criticize other they don't know "
I feel that here you are understanding that when your friends make jokes about other people and 'judge' them with their 'opinions', they do this to make them feel better about themselves, who they are as individuals.

Perhaps you realise that it does not matter what others do, wear, dress like... none of that truly affects you or makes you any 'better' or 'worse'. You are not your clothes, your car, your house or the money in your bank account. You are just you. Take away all that other 'stuff' and you are just another person on this planet with hopes and dreams and hopefully, trying to live a good life for yourself and those you love.

Quote:
"is this is my family? just like i miss them for so long!! even i with them all the time"
As for 'missing' your family even though they are right there with you. I think you might mean that you 'appreciate them' in a way you might not have understood before. That you can be with your family, cherish the relationship and love you have with them 'right now' while it is important and not 'later' when it may be to late, or when you feel that you have lost so much time with them. This is a really good thing to be aware of.

Quote:
"what kind of persons that surrounding me?"
Like I said, I try to remember that all these other people are just people like me. "Other and Self, Same" to quote a Sensei I have had the pleasure of attending a seminar with. People have their goals, dreams, desires.. wants, needs... they may not be the same goals, dreams and desires as you... but they do have them... and in that way, they are the same. Even if they commit crimes, with violence.. they have a goal (money, material item), they have a desire (violence, emotional issues) because they want 'stuff' or 'need' something (food, shelter) however they have chosen a different path to get these things than perhaps you have. You choose the way of peace, harmony to achieve them (at least I hope you do).

Quote:
"do i belong here?"
Of course you do silly.

Last edited by Stephen Nichol : 02-20-2012 at 02:52 PM.
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