My high school basketball coach tried and tried to get me to use my left hand. She threatened to tie my right hand to my side so I couldn't use it. I could not understand why she wanted me to dribble and shoot with my left hand. Being awkward because I was trying something new was appalling to me. I hated her for insisting that I use my left hand. I just couldn't. I couldn't explain why but I would rather explain why I couldn't use my left hand than work at getting better. Besides I was already good. Just ask me. Why try to get better? Taking a risk to learn a new skill was not worth the discomfort of the process.
Looking back I feel bad for myself at that age. I was so comfortable being at one level I could not get better because I couldn't acknowledge I was mediocre. I either had to be the best or the worst. Needing to learn something new meant that I was not perfect and not being perfect meant I sucked.
Today I voluntarily use my left hand. I usually default to my right if given a choice but Aikido training has really leveled me out. Ron took no excuses. Everything had to be done on both sides no matter what. I still don't initially love learning something new yet I do love learning something new. Today I know that I can be good at Aikido and not have to be perfect. I know that being in the question is the answer. I wish I could have felt the same for basketball but I can't change things I can't see.
I am seeing clearer now. The future looks endless, challenging and fun.