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Old 01-17-2011, 12:21 AM   #76
"Reg"
IP Hash: f08d2662
Anonymous User
Re: Is there another solution?

Ms. Derbyshire,

I am sorry to hear of your friend, and the tragic way she has passed from this world. A horrible and traumatic situation deeply effecting you, as it would anyone. I don't condone such an evil act.

I am as sensitive as I can be, I don't know you. I have never known of you or your existence until you commented on my situation. It is logical than how would I ever possibly know you had a friend who was horribly murder by their spouse, along with the anger and sensitively as a result. I can tell it has deeply triggered many emotions from you when reading about my situation.

As a person like many in this world, I have had a family member, my mother, die tragically and senselessly, she was murdered. I found it takes a long time to heal from my pain and anger. The murder of a friend or loved one, makes you very sensitive. So much of what is around us becomes triggers that bring back all the emotions of anger, rage, frustration, and more rushing back. It took time for my to have these trigger become less and less sensitive. It took time and therapy not to be hyper-sensitive to the world around me. Being of a situation where my mother was murdered, I can relate to the situation of having your friend murdered, I want to express my deepest condolences and sympathies.
 
Old 01-17-2011, 12:31 AM   #77
kewms
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I am as sensitive as I can be, I don't know you. I have never known of you or your existence until you commented on my situation. It is logical than how would I ever possibly know you had a friend who was horribly murder by their spouse, along with the anger and sensitively as a result.
Of course you couldn't know. While I appreciate your sympathy, that's not why I mentioned it. Rather, I brought it up because you probably *do* personally know at least one woman who has been (or is currently) an abuse victim. It is unfortunately a very common reality, and one that I hope brings perspective to your casual description of yourself as a "battered wife."

Katherine
 
Old 01-17-2011, 08:13 AM   #78
"Reg"
IP Hash: 17585ff6
Anonymous User
Re: Is there another solution?

Kathrine, against my better judgement I am compelled to respond. What makes you think am a man?
 
Old 01-17-2011, 09:26 AM   #79
akiy
 
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Re: Is there another solution?

Hi folks,

Let's make sure to keep the discussion explicitly pertinent to aikido, please.

Thanks,

-- Jun

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Old 01-17-2011, 10:19 AM   #80
Dan Rubin
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Re: Is there another solution?

Question:

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
What makes you think am a man?
Answer:

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Bad or good, right or wrong, we men have this pecking order among us.... But in terms of the Alpha dog world men live in, I wouldn't have gotten any respect. He would've of keep on me as his bitch. We know as men when that happens, it is all over for us. If I seen that sensei again or any of his students, they would give me crap and be very disrespectful. Then I would have to fight to prove myself. That is the world more often than not.
 
Old 01-17-2011, 10:50 AM   #81
"Reg"
IP Hash: 97c077bf
Anonymous User
Re: Is there another solution?

Because I am getting allot unfair criticism with my choice of words, and that of what some people assume of me. I am a women. Telling you this is against my better judgement spoiling the reason for telling my story. The unfair judgements, assumptions, and criticisms I was getting needs to be talked about. I am uncomfortable doing saying what I am about to. I don't think it has or should have anything to do with the story I told. But I need to response because so many things are wrong and need to be corrected.

Maybe, I tried to hard to conceal my gender of being a woman. Sounding more androgynous was what I wanted. Indicating no particular sex was a way I thought I could avoid sexism. I was wrong. I wanted to avoid being accused of sounding like "another emotionally over reacting female being emotional, because I felt unjustly victimize." Instead, I was accused by other women of being an insensitive sexist neanderthal male. My sexist fears came to be true. I did get unfairly judged with harsh insensitive sexist criticism, by those I thought wouldn't do it, but did. All based on metaphors, analogies, and colloquialisms to describe my situation and myself, I saw best.

My gender or that of the others involved in my situation should not matter. I don't have to be someone's "bitch;" I don't have to be dominated, feeling helpless, and lacking self-confidence. I don't like to refer to myself as a "victim," because of all the connotations our society has and places on female, when she is victimized. It is my choice to refer to myself "as not being someone's "bitch." A word I used in my situation to replace the phrase of being victimized. It doesn't matter if am male or female. The right of how I refer to myself in the way I wish is mine. It is not someone else's place to tell me how I should refer to myself or how I should feel regardless of their gender. I don't see how it is offensive when I was referring to no one else in anyway, but me.

I was hoping to avoid being seen in most common stereotypical view shared by both men and women of how we see women who are and portrayed as victims. I don't want to think of myself as a victim and all that it entails. To my best ability, I avoided that word using other words instead that didn't have the same negative connotations as a female victim does.

My actions now being seen under different circumstances will be re-evaluated in another light and criticized again. Mostly to relieve those who have some sense of violation after reading this. I realized the risk and vulnerability of making my story public. I never imagined it to be such a nightmare. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever dreamed I would be writing this when I was telling my story.

Sincerely,
Anonymous
 
Old 01-17-2011, 11:09 AM   #82
"Reg"
IP Hash: 97c077bf
Anonymous User
Re: Is there another solution?

I wrote a post that says allot. I didn't realize, I wrote that. In that post I talk about over compensated the androgyny I was going after, not wanting to be seen as a female victim and all the negative connotations associated to my situation being a woman.

The sensei was rude and unprofessional no matter what the sex. But, being male, I wanted opinions without the association of being sex. It was a difficult thing to write.
 
Old 01-17-2011, 11:15 AM   #83
C. David Henderson
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
....I tried to hard to conceal my gender of being a woman. Sounding more androgynous was what I wanted. Indicating no particular sex was a way I thought I could avoid sexism.
Wow, really?

Quote:
But in terms of the Alpha dog world men live in, I wouldn't have gotten any respect. He would've of keep on me as his bitch. We know as men when that happens, it is all over for us
Huh, could have sounded more androgynous, I think.

Feels like a lot of honest advice was offered to you based on a deception, and it was a deception that was once again based on an anticipated reaction by other people to your truth.

What do you suppose that's about?

Do you think we should spend more time giving you advice when we don't know what else you said, anonymously to boot, that just isn't true?

David Henderson
 
Old 01-17-2011, 11:33 AM   #84
kewms
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Kathrine, against my better judgement I am compelled to respond. What makes you think am a man?
Because you said you were.

My advice doesn't change if you're not, however. The way to handle a bully is to walk away.

Katherine
 
Old 01-17-2011, 11:51 AM   #85
akiy
 
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Re: Is there another solution?

Hi folks,

I don't see any reason to continuing this discussion at this point. Thread closed.

To the anonymous poster (and others who may post in the future): whether you chose to misrepresent your gender in your posts or you are changing your story mid-stream, I will say that neither behavior is welcome here in the Anonymous forum, as I would consider both to be a breach in the trust inherently necessary in keeping the Anonymous forum an honest and genuine place. I do not wish to cultivate a culture of second-guessing anonymous posters in the Anonymous forum. In the future, I ask all anonymous posters to conduct themselves authentically while respecting and maintaining the "veil" of anonymity afforded to them in this forum. I would rather not have to close the Anonymous forum if such privileges were to be taken outside of the spirit of the Anonymous forum.

Thank you,

-- Jun

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