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Old 06-14-2010, 12:01 AM   #26
Buck
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

There is a saying live by the sword, die by the sword. How many old warriors who live realize that violence isn't the way. They reflect back on their lives and say when they were young the sought out violence. But being fortune not to be cripple and alive to tell about it they say that is a life of error. This happens in many cultures, and has been happening for generations.

Yea, you can say we are wired as young men for violence, though I disagree and point to all the male geeks and nerds. I watch my nephews and their friends act out fights and lean toward violence where my nieces put much less effort in expressing it as the boys.

When great violence occurs like a serial killer, the likes of both men and women they have some mental illness, or warped sense of reality. They lack a moral compass among other such disturbing things. Look at bullies, they are made and not born. Look at violent criminals who have violent childhood. Look at violent environment and the mess they are, and the psychological effects it has on people.

Look at rulers who ruled by violence like Mary Tutor, King Henry VIII, the Emperors such as Caesars of Rome like Caligula where insanity and mental illness, and violence walk hand in hand.

Look at Scare Face, or other organized crime figures, all rule with violence. Look at the lives they lead. Look how violence used as a tool for power and influence always back fires and is used on them by other mobsters. There was some truth to the Godfather movies.

Take some parts of the world where violence is a tool use for change. What are the results? Lots of dead people, countries destroyed. Look at Hitler, Pol pot, and others how far and what did they get on the path of violence.

I remember reading about the Alamo, and how that was an utterly waste of life, as the means to solve a problem was with violence. Because diplomacy is what really got the problem solved and not fighting.

Look at the Jews and the Palestinians and all that mess, where diplomacy fails and violence dominates which has gotten no where for thousands of years,

Look at soldiers who have a lot of training to over come the mental effects of being violent. How it even changes many of them to being non-violent.
These are the things that are often over looked in the association of violence.

There are so many examples of how violence isn't the way. That living a violent life means you will die a violent life. That a violent life is not a productive or pleasant life. And how so many great warriors realize that and moved to a life of non-violence.

Yes, violence is a part of the human experience as it is for so, not all mammals. It is used to protect against those who are violent, but that doesn't mean we have to make a life out of it. It doesn't have to be a template for solving all our problems, either. It can be avoided and still have acceptable results where safety, and problems can be solved without having to be violent. Remember criminals use violence as a tool. Non-criminals use violence only when necessary.
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Old 06-14-2010, 06:40 AM   #27
Shadowfax
 
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

When I was growing up I got bullied a lot. Jumped by groups of kids in the neighborhood and even at school. Teachers never seemed to see it happening.... For years I just took it walked away tried to be peaceful and not fight. All that got me was more and worse bullying. Heck I even changed schools and entire neighborhoods and still I was the target of the local bullies.

How did I change that? I stopped taking it.
One day in particular put an end to it. I was in shop class getting picked on as usual and no teacher noticing as usual. I kept ignoring it and refusing to react until this kid came at my face with a 2x4.....

Then I took it off of him in one move and hit him upside the rear as hard as I could. I only hit him once but I made it count. Bet he didn't know a fat girl could move that fast. I hear the bruise was spectacular. Any rate the bullying stopped.

Not condoning violence but sometimes you have to stop letting people push you around.
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Old 06-14-2010, 07:06 AM   #28
Buck
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Quote:
Cherie Cornmesser wrote: View Post
When I was growing up I got bullied a lot. Jumped by groups of kids in the neighborhood and even at school.
Unfortunately,it is sad that what made you a target of so many bullies probably was your weight. And thus, maybe you being timid and with drawn, and reserved because of it. And possibly the low self-esteem associated with your weight and age. And how you seen things as a kid, may all have played into you being a target so many times? It is too bad you had to be pushed to an extent that communicating with violence was a way to stop the bullying. I completely understand.

To help others out by sharing more of your situation and insights, saying that is in all or some respects true, looking back, would personality change have helped make you less of a target? Say, if you were funny, a bit more out going, loud and boisterous in speech, carried your weight differently. Using your weight as a message that said, I am big and don't mess with me. Stuff like that for example, would that have changed you from being a target of so many bullies? And thus, not having to hit back, when it was the last straw. All this of course is in retrospect.

I think you could provide some great insight. I would like to hear it because girls are usually targets of verbally bullies who are other girls. Like the many incidences girl being intimidated, threaten, mocked and all that stuff, now, though texting and internet. We don't hear much of girls being physically bullied, by boys, in the same way boys are bullied. Like we don't hear much of boys being bullied by a girl(s) on the internet or texting in the same way girls are. Maybe more of your insights can help further on, if changing your demeanor and how you seen yourself and all that could have had an effect, or not, in your situation?

Last edited by Buck : 06-14-2010 at 07:14 AM.
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Old 06-14-2010, 07:43 AM   #29
Buck
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

My view, which isn't the only one, and my experience, which isn't the only type, has taught me how not to be a target. In a nutshell, bullies look for those who will not fight back and will summit to their will. Avoiding becoming a target is to change body language, speech, demeanor, and attitude. If you're not a target, there is no need to physically employ violence to stand up for yourself. The rub is avoiding being a bullied all together before it happens. Not being on the bullies radar, I apply the importance of this more heavily to the situations of kids and teenagers. Since that is who we are talking about.

And to note, recently there was a very violent incident (of many we are now seeing of more then ever before) of how school girls violently attack other girl classmates. To the extent of sending the victim to the hospital. That is pretty intense and serious violence. Even more of the importance to avoid being on bullies radar.
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Old 06-14-2010, 08:55 AM   #30
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Quote:
Philip Burgess wrote: View Post
Unfortunately,it is sad that what made you a target of so many bullies probably was your weight. And thus, maybe you being timid and with drawn, and reserved because of it. And possibly the low self-esteem associated with your weight and age. And how you seen things as a kid, may all have played into you being a target so many times? It is too bad you had to be pushed to an extent that communicating with violence was a way to stop the bullying. I completely understand.

To help others out by sharing more of your situation and insights, saying that is in all or some respects true, looking back, would personality change have helped make you less of a target? Say, if you were funny, a bit more out going, loud and boisterous in speech, carried your weight differently. Using your weight as a message that said, I am big and don't mess with me. Stuff like that for example, would that have changed you from being a target of so many bullies? And thus, not having to hit back, when it was the last straw. All this of course is in retrospect.

I think you could provide some great insight. I would like to hear it because girls are usually targets of verbally bullies who are other girls. Like the many incidences girl being intimidated, threaten, mocked and all that stuff, now, though texting and internet. We don't hear much of girls being physically bullied, by boys, in the same way boys are bullied. Like we don't hear much of boys being bullied by a girl(s) on the internet or texting in the same way girls are. Maybe more of your insights can help further on, if changing your demeanor and how you seen yourself and all that could have had an effect, or not, in your situation?
Actually my weight was not a problem until high school and the bullying began in the first grade.....I believe I put that on as a form of protection actually in an attempt to get rid of some very unwelcome male attention....

Being the new kid in school on almost a yearly yearly basis ( was in at least 7 different schools), being in a very poor family... at one point we were homeless for about 5 months....being a very shy withdrawn kid, having no support from family or parents, broken home, and growing up surrounded by drugs, violence, abuses of all sorts... basically my self esteem was crap so since I saw myself that way so did everyone else.

More than happy to share my experiences if it can help some kid to not go through the crap I dealt with.

Quote:
Say, if you were funny, a bit more out going, loud and boisterous in speech, carried your weight differently. Using your weight as a message that said, I am big and don't mess with me. Stuff like that for example, would that have changed you from being a target of so many bullies? And thus, not having to hit back, when it was the last straw.
Actually these are many of the things I learned to adopt later in life and have found helpful. I had a bully as an adult who constantly terrorized me at work. (the boss was his buddy and pretended not to see) Again it was when I stood up to him that he quit. After that I decided to try something a bit different. I started being really nice to him. No matter what he said to me I answered beyond nice calling him dear and sweetheart and precious and in about 6 months he and I were working together and getting along like old pals. Then I got my boss fired and got another job.

Last edited by Shadowfax : 06-14-2010 at 09:03 AM.
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Old 06-14-2010, 10:13 AM   #31
StevieT
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Quote:
Felipe Gomez wrote: View Post
...My friend tell me that I have to fight with him but I don`t know what I have to do , I have a little scared I had never fought with anybody, please can you give some advice??...
Make some different friends! Or is this friend really just your own ego talking to you?

From your post it sounds very much like you're simply engaged in beta-monkey status fighting. I think this is an urge that most adolescent males go through at some point, but most get through it without actually engaging in real fighting in any serious capacity. At your age and with a bit of training, you're probably at the point where you could seriously hurt each other if you go too far, so be careful.

Bear in mind that in modern society this kind of social dominance fighting really achieves very little and is very risky. You could either get seriously hurt or you could be arrested and tried if you seriously hurt him. "I was defending myself" is not going to hold much water if he has challenged you to a fight and you have accepted that challenge. Legally, this is considered consensual fighting and in most jurisdictions, you will both be considered to be assaulting each other. The upshot is that the "winner" is likely to be arrested and charged and depending on how much damage has been done, the charges could be really serious.

If it really is simple bullying, then bear in mind that the thing that really marks out a victim is an unwillingness to seek help. Bullies generally need their victims isolated, and victims that isolate themselves (normally because their self-esteem relies on them dealing with the bully alone) are easy prey. Do you really need to face this guy alone? Why? Why can't this "friend" who's told you that you have to fight him help you?
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Old 06-14-2010, 06:54 PM   #32
felipe_3
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...
I thank you very much, today I told with him and he didn`t want to fight with me.
before I didn`t practice the movements in kick boxing when my sensei taught to me, now I will do all the movements.
And again thank you so much you all are like a family to me thanks for the advices.

gracias a todos por los comentarios
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Old 06-14-2010, 07:24 PM   #33
Marie Noelle Fequiere
 
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

It was our pleasure, Felippe, and we are so happy to learn that everything is going fine for you. You see, sometimes, all you need to do is to be a little more assertive, and things get better much easier than you'd expected.
Anyway, guess what? I am sure that you will never have any idea how many peopled YOU helped with your post. They may never tell you, but they will still be grateful.
Keep training and holding your head high, we are so proud of you.
God bless both you and your new friend.
And keep practicing your tenkan (I insist).
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Old 06-15-2010, 04:52 AM   #34
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

I am glad you did not have to fight.

David

Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events not of words. Trust movement. --Alfred Adler
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Old 06-15-2010, 04:55 AM   #35
Shadowfax
 
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

I'm really happy to hear you worked it out without having to fight.
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Old 06-15-2010, 05:35 PM   #36
Ketsan
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

[quote=Felipe Gomez;259053]
he try to beat to me but he couldn`t [\QUOTE]

Sounds like you have the situation well in hand.
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Old 06-17-2010, 07:26 AM   #37
ruthmc
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Hi Felipe,

Glad you talked things through Sounds to me like this 'friend' of yours was just trying to see who has the most testosterone...

In future, if he wants a fight, you ask your Sensei to set it up in the dojo and have Sensei as your referee. That is fair.

Ruth
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Old 07-24-2010, 03:10 PM   #38
Russell Davis
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Hi, One thing I really hate is bullies, but hey its part of life!
You could approach him without his buddies hanging around and simply say to him; Hey I dont want to fight or hurt you, I would much rather hang out and share in your knowledge of martial arts
maybe even go to a Seminar or train together?

Some bullies might see this as a weakness so its not without risk
and it may be you are just going to have to put up or shut up!
life is full of choices.

I was bullied and worse for YEARS, it was not until things happend and they left me alone, but went is search of another "weak" victim.

If he's in front of you showing off to his buddies, kick him in the nuts, or headbut him on the nose, or both, or don't!
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Old 07-24-2010, 07:27 PM   #39
dongaleb
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

When I was reading this thread I was imagining Felipe practicing in a beach doing the eagle kick .

"Take off your jacket...pick up your jacket."

Congratulations to you Felipe, you won the fight without fighting.

You asked the right people here.

"Wax on! Wax off!" I'm sorry, I just had to say that...(chuckles)
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Old 07-29-2010, 07:46 AM   #40
marko.harkonen
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

.. talk with your sensei, let him have a word with this guy. there is no need to go into a fight with him. as so many here already said: violence leads to more violence (always!). and the only looser is the one that takes up his fists. and if the situation leads to him getting on to you, then fine, try to defend yourself, without wanting to hurt him. it IS possible - IF you want to.

by the way. i see some comments from quite high graded aikidokas here. where is your spirit of aiki, of nonviolence?

Felipe.. go home and watch the movie Gandhi. thats aikido on a very very very high level.

Namaste!
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Old 07-29-2010, 07:48 AM   #41
marko.harkonen
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

and then maybe i should read ALL the comments.. then just maybe even i could see that felipe solved the situation - without fighting!!

WELL done!!

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Old 09-12-2010, 11:10 AM   #42
ksy
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

some martial artist need their egos polished. if it happens again, next time could tell the fella 'your kick boxing skills are so good, you're gonna kick my ass for sure. hey, how about you give me some pointers instead, the sensei kinda sucks.....".
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Old 09-15-2010, 06:54 AM   #43
bulevardi
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Try Tai Sabaki moves to avoid his kicks and punches, unbalance him.

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Old 09-16-2010, 06:48 AM   #44
lbb
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

As zombie threads go, this one isn't too old and rotten...but wasn't this issue resolved some time ago?
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