The one lesson life has been teaching me from my conception has become ever so clearer in just the past 5 years - its been like an awakening of sorts and a grand experience to say the least.
In this experience Aikido has played a role in forcing my hand to watch and become aware of egoic patterns that I might otherwise not be aware of if given the opportunity to finagle my way out through clever speech and debates. [not that anyone ever really wins or listens to such trivial non-sense anyway, in reality bridges are usually burnt and not built]
As those of you reading this may know when I first started Aikido I had virtually no knowledge of the Hungarian language.
[In all fairness I knew the essentials: "The food taste good..." "I would like some more please..." "Where is the rest room"
Seriously though the sensitive nature of communication and understandings/misunderstandings have become ever more clear to me after living in Hungary this many years.
The fact of the matter is that I have realized that even when speaking in ones own native tongue it is easy to think you know what the other said vs. what they actually said.
Of course we have psychology & philosophy which explains the mind as a mental grid who interprets everything through their own experiences.
And sometimes some of the worst communication comes through with people who are from your own culture as they believe even more they know where your coming from... when a slight variation in view can change what one sees completely.
Instead of breaking off communication, burning bridges, what-not, its easier and healthier to just live and let live, as it were. No need to be 'right', which is what leads to many conflicts and fights, and no need to judge and box someone into something that fits what is comfortable for you. [Just sit it on the shelf and one day the puzzle piece can be pulled down and fitted with the rest of the puzzle where it belongs.
Space - resolution of conflict before it happens
Of course those of you in the spiritual thread know all this, and there is nothing new being said here, as all truth is already given to all, and you just got to want it and discover it yourself.
With Aikido the very concept of self-defense is that you resolve the conflict before it can even arise, through the dropping of the need to be 'right'. Something of which I had been very adamant on in the past. [nothing wrong with being right, the conflict is when two sides try to force an opinion on another as the sole view point]
With my little tale of my conflict with my brother-in-law we can see how being 'right' led to two stubborn people getting hurt for no reason other than ones pride.
The path you choose...
I had another conflict after that, though nothing as serious.
The new lesson, which is part of the bigger "one life" lesson,
is that despite the connectedness of life, we still move as individual parts - despite how one part may depend on another for part for its turn in the cyclical rotation of the gears of the clock, you can not do anything - from negativity - to speed that up.
Take an example my frustration I had with how things were going in our local dojo.
Im a Video/New Media producer and tend to find ways to make things more efficient, and while that is all good I must remember and find how to fit this into the current milieu I have and not force my concepts or ways of doing things upon my surroundings.
[As I may be 'right' with my frustration of a lack of apparent organization, someone could easily be frustrated with an aspect of something I do which perceivably slows down the momentum of what they are trying to do.]
The fact is I had a goal when I started Aikido to reach a certain rank by a certain time. [Again, all debates over ranks are not needed as we all realize its relative to various circumstances].
The point for this post is that I wanted something and I saw points of irritation which I did not adequately know how to communicate to get cleared up. [i.e., training schedule, etc. which has been brought up in other post.]
In all of this I had tried to refrain from outright accusation, but venting what was a frustration for me, which is fine.
I was able to sit back and watch and contemplate all of this, and figured that from someone elses shoes there may be a legit reason as to why things were not happening in a way that I would deem to be more efficient in going through rank, etc.
The fact was that there was an issue to some extent on the others persons end.
We do tend to project upon others our goals and expectations on how things should be done... and its this that I have been watching and pondering about recently.
A realization of the fact that sometimes its is better to be content and make the best of what you have vs. giving totally into disappointment and thus cutting off from a part of that which makes up the whole.
[i.e., easy things to do as a solution would be dojo splits, etc. In truth sometimes paths have to part, but most of the time its not from a healthy parting of ways but from frustration...]
Ideally it would be good to find the one thing in that other person that represents God, or the universe, whatever it is that you find in them that connects you to them - that is relating to that person.
As what we fail to realize is that what we despise in others is what we have in us. And it is scary to realize that some people we totally want to cut off are mirroring exactly where we are, even if it appears completely opposite.
Space creates unity
So when there is that space created and you seek to find the good within the other it frees them to be who they are and not who they are conceptually - whether it be from what you think or what they think you think of them... the roles people play.
At this point you may never see that person again, or rarely, but its not from avoidance, at least on your part, its just that each bit/part has its own place within the collective body as it were. - As much as you can relate to being a body part, a toe will have a different function, though similar, to that of a finger... one is not better than another. [Again these analogies are found in sacred text, but its when you start to understand this from a practical point that it really not only makes sense, but works - well it works regardless, but this is about conscious awareness and the end of struggling.]
In the past I would have cut off from the dojo I currently am at, but instead I waited it out, tried to gain insight and understanding from both sides of the story.
I had a goal, and that goal did not have the structure to fully support it, but in patience I found an alternative route which was as adequate and supported yet a large aspect than just me as the individual.
As those of you reading this may know, I did start training outside the dojo once a week with people who were interested in improving their game, or getting ready for exams etc.
However, I did not seek to isolate or cut them or myself off from the dojo we currently were at. In this they have been able to keep their connection to the Hungarian AIkido system and recently 3 of them passed their exam.
Also, I get to train more what I need, as well as keep access to what was there which was pure talent - despite if the talent did not show up. [and in the case of not showing up it turns out there was a valid reason for this... though not communicated, which can cause issues for sure amongst the members of the dojo, things worked out by not throwing an iron wrench in the system and calling it halt.
[Though I did gently vent my frustration here, there was that space left open to see where the other person may be coming from.]
Again, this does not mean all things are solved, but in a way they are being solved by not fighting it. In recent weeks we have gone to a broader training schedule, covering more of the advanced techniques as an example
Now I will say, despite the fact I am older, my personality for most of my life has been matter of fact and lacked the understanding... this is the lesson, that one lesson I said life has been teaching me, which simply is love. [acceptance, not meaning letting people run over you, but letting people be where they need to be]
As some people may appear to have more of a disposition for approaching issues from this perspective, sometimes its not as it appears - the opposite of being forthright is stuffing it in which does not do any better. The middle ground must be struck, though you can still have your extrovert or introvert personalities, its more about the understanding of where each person lies in the scheme of things.
Simply put in summary, we are united, yet we are very much an individual which must be allowed to flow in the function it currently serves without overt pressure to change. [though the universe is good at allowing that to happen as it needs to]
All of these many words, which can be summarized by one word and one sentence: Love is the Law.