Verbal Aikido

Hi Ellis
As you already know, I am a firm believer in training under pressure. We are one of the few places I know where people get bruised and beat on at speed with weapons and have to maintain their composure. And away from weapons, the same mindset is developed in grappling. The end results I have seen when my guys have gone out to various events is that they are innately calm and undisturbed. Over the years several have reported stories of real life stressed environments and were the calm in the storm.
But there is a real area of expertise in self defense that has gone untrained. And in this day and age should be the most pronounced - verbal de-escalation.
I believe that your books should be a mandate for any serious martial artists-(no not sport grapplers) but people who see past that limited setting into a larger framework of development. In the end the best way *not to fight* is de-escalation before it begins.
It has been my experience in some bad situations that men typically do not want to get to that point. That there was an inherent mechanism of either defensive risk assessment and fear, or inhibition out of knowing they were wrong all before the fight began. It is anther example of the old axioms coming true, in this case men needing to get themselves psyched-up for a fight. Having "talked a guy out of killing his girlfriend, and then being patted on the back, I never felt comfortable with the accolades. I "knew" he didn't want to go through with it and desperately was looking for a way out. I think if we learn to overcome our own fear of fighting, and become very good at it, we can divorce our ego from it and see it as a tool. But more importantly it should not be the only tool in our tool box, the only weapon in our arsenal-of defensive options-not even the best one. But here's the rub, without experience in stress, without having the benefit of experience in say: a trial lawyer, EMT, LEO, Hell even an architect/ construction MGR...Anyone who routinely faces conflict and people in opposition who are facing losses in their life. But where does one go to get that training or understand it? To get *that* tool?
I will go so far as to make your books mandatory reading in my dojo. I'll buy them, they have to read them.
Might I be so bold as to speak to the aikido community?
Many of you are currently training with certain of us who are showing you real power, and a far more capable and realistic means to address an aggressor with skills that are capable of truly stopping people without really hurting them. Might I suggest a different sort of seminar from an expert?
Host a verbal de-escalation seminar, and give people-some of whom are truly passive / aggressive- tools and skills to deal with aggression and self defense on another level. It is after all another means to Ueshiba's end goals of budo-stopping violence. Think of it like the real sounds of the universe- the kotodama of a calming presence and a voice of reason in the midst of anarchy.
Or in another vien-becoming another sort of Martial art profesional ...beside being able to beat people up.
Cheers
Dan

Don't judge,
don't attack
be compassionate
don't be defensive
don't be aggresive
don't strive to win
don't seek to manipulate or control
don't think of the other as your enemy, even though they oppose you
be open and inviting
have an open heart

These are aiki principles which i think apply well in turning an "argument' into a "discussion".

blend,don,t give energy to an argument its like oxygen to a fire

a true story of verbal aikido, reacting in a way that changes the whole situation.. this happened many years ago to a very clever friend of mine that is now very high ranked but was then @ nidan.

he was walking on the street in NYC when a mugger put a knife to his throat. he entered slightly to the side while and said "oh no, the guy you're for is down there (while pointing), when the guy glanced in the direction that he was pointing, he walked off in the opposite direction, leaving the guy standing confused with the knife

Toby Kasavan wrote: he was walking on the street in NYC when a mugger put a knife to his throat. he entered slightly to the side while and said "oh no, the guy you're for is down there (while pointing), when the guy glanced in the direction that he was pointing, he walked off in the opposite direction, leaving the guy standing confused with the knife

oh man that is SUCH a New York thing to do :-)

"These are not the droids you are looking for."

Lynn Seiser wrote: IMHO, enter and blend (listen first), keep your own center (don't take it personally), connect to their center (see their positive intent), and extend ki (your own positive intention).

Very well put, I can't agree much more.

In my situations where verbal harmony can be considered, I usually:

1. Determine Maai (where each individual is "coming from", or their "stance"). In doing this, I usually become aware of the other individual's center, intentions, moods, etc..

2. Find a commonality between the two stances (blending). This can sometimes be very difficult, especially on the fly, and that blended harmony may not always be what is considered externally as "peaceful". Similar to an Aikidoka blending with the movement of an agressor, to remove them both from harm, it may require/result in some form of manifested conflict, ie; bodies colliding to an extent, or, in a verbal situation, concepts carried by words may collide.

3. Apply the most efficient technique (in this case, words and tone) to manifest the commonality, and thereby avoid conflict. This involves, IMO, empathy and love (intentional understanding, designed to create unity in some form between the two entities)

That's all sort of vague, as the concept can get pretty complex. But basically, analyze maai, enter then blend, and in so doing redirect the motion/intent of the agressor into a peaceful form.

Make sense? Hope so

John Matsushima wrote: Don't judge, don't attack be compassionate don't be defensive don't be aggresive don't strive to win don't seek to manipulate or control don't think of the other as your enemy, even though they oppose you be open and inviting have an open heart These are aiki principles which i think apply well in turning an "argument' into a "discussion".

Dude, wickedly stated, thanks

Has anyone just tried smiling and being nice? Works for me most of the time. It's harder on the internet though...

Best,
Ron (look who's talking...)

Very nice. Talk about mis-direction...but what ever possessed him to let a guy with a knife get that close to his throat! [I know, stuff happens!]

B,
R

Toby Kasavan wrote: he was walking on the street in NYC when a mugger put a knife to his throat. he entered slightly to the side while and said "oh no, the guy you're for is down there (while pointing), when the guy glanced in the direction that he was pointing, he walked off in the opposite direction, leaving the guy standing confused with the knife

Ron Tisdale wrote: Has anyone just tried smiling and being nice? Works for me most of the time. It's harder on the internet though...

Humility, humor, and humanness.
Impossible on the internet. No one see the nonverbals.

There's a nod of acknowledgement that people can give to say there is no threat here. Its sorta a simply eye contact, smile, nod, and look away without breaking stride.

In training I find if I don't take an offensive or defensive stance, no one attacks me. There's no "go". Of course some of my friends know me and attack anyway. Same has work in other contexts as well.

Verbal Aikido = Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends and Influence People.

lol

At night, I left a sketchy gas station store with a six pack. On the five-yard journey to my car, a guy was lurking next to the ice boxes and told me to give him a beer. I laughed at him to send an only partially true message that I wasn't scared of him. I got in my car and drove away. Maybe I brought him out of his sphere of strength and into my own. Then I did something we're not taught often enough in Aikido: I evaded, the opposite of entering, by choosing a different convenience store from then on.

Drew

John Matsushima wrote: I think this way especially when I have discussions with my wife. I try never to attack, and I know if I try to fight with her, no matter what the outcome, I will lose in the end. I have learned that there is no such thing as "winning" when it comes to arguing with someone you love. Therefore, I don't use any strategy, I have no intention of defeating her, and yet I am not just passively agreeing with her just to make peace. Even though she may attack me or use sharp words, I still can't look at her as my enemy. On the rare occasion that I am actually right about something, I know that I still must use all my power not to hurt her. Mutual prosperity is the way.

I really like how John summed it up. Sounds pretty time on target to me.

Drew Gardner wrote: At night, I left a sketchy gas station store with a six pack. On the five-yard journey to my car, a guy was lurking next to the ice boxes and told me to give him a beer. I laughed at him to send an only partially true message that I wasn't scared of him. I got in my car and drove away. Maybe I brought him out of his sphere of strength and into my own. Then I did something we're not taught often enough in Aikido: I evaded, the opposite of entering, by choosing a different convenience store from then on. Drew

Agreed. The best way to disarm a fight is to avoid it.

Hello!
Indeed, what about managing verbal attacks (accusations, cynical criticsm, blame etc.) in everyday life? Well here's a book that uses the philosophy of Aikido to manage quickly and easily. http://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Aikido-.../dp/1478198079
I hope it helps!