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Old 07-18-2008, 02:00 PM   #1
eric_lecaptain
 
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Massage Therapist's Gender

i went to get a massage today, had an appointment with my regular girl but she was sick so they told me i could go with this guy they have who just happened to have an opening.
i declined and instead elected to come back another day when my regular girl was in....
was that rude of me or maybe a little homophobic? i just didnt want to get a massage from some dude....
i dunno, what do you think?? perhaps this relates to my habit of being to far away from my uke during practice.
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Old 07-18-2008, 02:10 PM   #2
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: not aikido related but....

Quote:
Eric LeCaptain wrote: View Post
i went to get a massage today, had an appointment with my regular girl but she was sick so they told me i could go with this guy they have who just happened to have an opening.
i declined and instead elected to come back another day when my regular girl was in....
was that rude of me or maybe a little homophobic? i just didnt want to get a massage from some dude....
i dunno, what do you think?? perhaps this relates to my habit of being to far away from my uke during practice.
Hi Eric:
Is the person doing your massage really a girl?
Mary
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Old 07-18-2008, 02:30 PM   #3
Ron Tisdale
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Re: not aikido related but....

Since I've been getting massages, I typically would have a woman doing it.

Lately, I found a guy who is really strong, and I actually like his massages better. Many of the women simply didn't or couldn't go deep enough. While this guy is a little out there in the ozone on some things, he gives and excellent massage, some of the things he has me doing seem to help with some of my training, and I'm glad I didn't let a little bit of being uncomfortable with a man touching me that way stop me from finding a good massuse (or however you spell that...).

Best,
Ron

Ron Tisdale
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"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind."
St. Bonaventure (ca. 1221-1274)
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Old 07-18-2008, 02:39 PM   #4
Keith Larman
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Re: not aikido related but....

I would suppose that depends on why you get your massage in the first place? For me with chronic hip and back problems it is virtually a necessity given my profession. So I have no problems with the gender of the masseuse as long as they are skilled and strong enough to really dig in and loosen up those spasmed muscles.

Others I know go for more complex reasons which can include simply being touched by another human being. Or the emotional aspect of "opening yourself up" to another person completely. So I suppose it could get kinda complex depending on why you go and what you're hoping to get out of it. I don't mean some sort of weird sexual experience type massage, but just a sort of normal, human need to be touched and cared for.

All that said once I find someone who gives a good massage given my particular problems I will schedule my time with them and usually avoid going with someone else if they're not available.

So, now that I've typed all that, I guess my answer is that you're the one who's going to have to answer your own question... Best of luck!

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Old 07-18-2008, 02:43 PM   #5
Keith Larman
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Re: not aikido related but....

Oh, I should add that I currently see two people for massage. One is my male physical therapist who works explicitly on my back and hips when things are flared up. The other is a rather lovely woman trained in doing a mixture of deep tissue, swedish massage, and the remarkable ability to hold on to these ceiling rails and use her heels to dig into some terribly knotted up areas in my mid/upper back that come from too many hours polishing swords... How the heck she's able to push my shoulder blade out of the way then feel exactly where to dig in with her heel on that muscle is beyond me. But once I got past the initial shock of it it was wonderful.... A Korean friend of mine referred me to that young lady and I don't regret it at all. I was skeptical that she wouldn't have the strength/weight to really dig in. I was wrong...

So... my advice is simply to find a good masseuse for whatever ails you. Don't let age/gender/etc. get in your way.

Last edited by Keith Larman : 07-18-2008 at 02:45 PM.

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Old 07-18-2008, 02:57 PM   #6
ChrisMoses
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Re: not aikido related but....

Quote:
Eric LeCaptain wrote: View Post
was that rude of me or maybe a little homophobic?
Yes.

One of the best massages I ever had was from a friend of mine who was attending the Rolf Institute. He's big and burly but has a great knack for finding where stuff is out of whack. He also has teh ghey! Massage is massage, it's not a date.

Chris Moses
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Old 07-18-2008, 03:33 PM   #7
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Re: not aikido related but....

Quote:
Mary Eastland wrote: View Post
Hi Eric:
Is the person doing your massage really a girl?
Mary
ummm, while i cant be 100% certain, i am pretty sure she is, in fact, female...
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Old 07-18-2008, 03:49 PM   #8
eric_lecaptain
 
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Re: not aikido related but....

[quote=Keith Larman;211525]I would suppose that depends on why you get your massage in the first place? For me with chronic hip and back problems it is virtually a necessity given my profession. So I have no problems with the gender of the masseuse as long as they are skilled and strong enough to really dig in and loosen up those spasmed muscles. QUOTE]

just a stiff neck that occasionally needs to be loosened....
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Old 07-18-2008, 06:45 PM   #9
Keith Larman
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Re: not aikido related but....

Quote:
Eric LeCaptain wrote: View Post
Quote:
Keith Larman wrote: View Post
I would suppose that depends on why you get your massage in the first place? For me with chronic hip and back problems it is virtually a necessity given my profession. So I have no problems with the gender of the masseuse as long as they are skilled and strong enough to really dig in and loosen up those spasmed muscles.
just a stiff neck that occasionally needs to be loosened....
Then my suggestion is to lighten up and don't worry about the gender of the masseuse. Like Chris said, it ain't a date...

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Old 07-18-2008, 11:35 PM   #10
Richard Sanchez
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

Giving a very short perspective from the other side, I've been a professional Oriental medical practitioner and teacher for many years.

I got my first introduction via Shiatsu when I practiced Karate and we would give each other a short treatment, under the guidance of our instructor, at the end of each training session. It was confronting for some people (mostly guys) because they were not used to touching other men in that way. It took the Sensei to point out that if it was OK to touch someone during martial practice why was it different for health reasons?

Most men, in my experience, prefer a female therapist. Not because they are looking for a sexual experience (although that obviously happens sometimes) but because they feel more comfortable. There's a fair bit of research on this which tends to focus on the maternal connection.

Women are generally much more mature and easier able to separate sex from therapy both as givers and receivers.

When teaching beginners we always bring up the issue of sex in therapy very early on in the training because it brings it out in the open. Once people feel safe talking about their fears and feelings openly and without being judged, sex becomes a non-issue. If it is still an issue for someone then it is attended to.

Some forms of massage are sensual, but that doesn't have to mean sexual. For many older people who live alone it is often the only human touch they experience.

There's nothing to be ashamed of in discussing sexuality in therapy- its actually very natural and healthy!
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Old 07-21-2008, 04:34 PM   #11
Marc Abrams
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

Eric:

I spent all of my teenage life in highly competitive sports (Wrestling and soccer to stay in shape). We thought nothing of having the physical trainers work on our injuries. All of them were men. None of us ever felt our masculine identities in doubt (then again we fought against each other wearing tights ). I've been involved in martial arts since 1973 and I have learned a lot about helping to treat muscle injuries from my teachers and fellow students. We thought nothing of working on each other. Once again, our sense of sexual/gender identity were never in doubt. In summary, if your sense of who you are is secure, who gives a damn if it is a man or woman who is giving you a massage AS LONG AS IT IS A GOOD MASSAGE!

Marc Abrams
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:23 PM   #12
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Re: not aikido related but....

Quote:
Eric LeCaptain wrote: View Post
ummm, while i cant be 100% certain, i am pretty sure she is, in fact, female...
I think the point was that the word "girl" refers to a female human being below the age of adulthood.
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Old 07-21-2008, 09:36 PM   #13
rob_liberti
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

My advice is GET OVER IT. Don't worry about the gender of anyone helping you. I have been working on by men straight and gay all excellent as well as women young and old. Honestly, I wouldn't care if it were a child, a monkey, a very small poney, etc. When I hurt, I'll take help from anyone who can help me out.

Just don't say "release". I didn't know it was a code word my first time. I explained "I have some low back muscles locked up and I need help getting them to release." My gosh, I kept wondering why the lady kept telling me about her professional credentials. I didn't understand and to make things worse, I just kept responding as clearly as I knew how things like "yeah, that's great. you sound well qualified. So do you think you can help me get these muscles to release?" - which inspired more pissed-mist. And I didn't know what the problem was for months later.
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Old 07-22-2008, 12:54 AM   #14
Bronson
 
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

When I was in Physical Therapist Assistant school there were quite a few male students who were massage therapists who couldn't make a living. Around here men in the massage business have a hard time getting clients, unless they can get in with a sports team. Men don't want another man to touch them like that, and women are more comfortable with another woman. I've heard this from many male massage therapists over the years. Sad really as some of them were really very skilled.

Bronson

"A pacifist is not really a pacifist if he is unable to make a choice between violence and non-violence. A true pacifist is able to kill or maim in the blink of an eye, but at the moment of impending destruction of the enemy he chooses non-violence."
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Old 07-22-2008, 09:12 AM   #15
Kent Enfield
 
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

Quote:
Ron Tisdale wrote: View Post
I'm glad I didn't let a little bit of being uncomfortable with a man touching me that way stop me from finding a good massuse (or however you spell that...).
Quote:
Keith Larman wrote: View Post
So I have no problems with the gender of the masseuse . . .
Quote:
Keith Larman wrote: View Post
Then my suggestion is to lighten up and don't worry about the gender of the masseuse.
Um, a masseuse is by definition a woman (well, female anyway). A man who does the same thing is a masseur.

Kentokuseisei
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Old 07-29-2008, 08:25 AM   #16
Ron Tisdale
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

Well, there you go!

My French sucks. Ask my fiance, she'll tell you that!

B,
R

Ron Tisdale
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Old 07-29-2008, 09:45 PM   #17
Keith Larman
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

Quote:
Kent Enfield wrote: View Post
Um, a masseuse is by definition a woman (well, female anyway). A man who does the same thing is a masseur.
I think I knew that somewhere deep back in the brain somewhere...

So what is a transgender person who gives a massage?

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Old 07-30-2008, 08:04 AM   #18
lbb
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

Quote:
Keith Larman wrote: View Post
I think I knew that somewhere deep back in the brain somewhere...

So what is a transgender person who gives a massage?
If you're being respectful? Obviously, you would call him/her a masseur/masseuse, depending on his/her chosen gender.

You can also call him/her a massage therapist, which is really what you ought to call all of them, regardless of gender.
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Old 07-30-2008, 09:23 AM   #19
Keith Larman
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Re: Massage Therapist's Gender

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
If you're being respectful? Obviously, you would call him/her a masseur/masseuse, depending on his/her chosen gender.

You can also call him/her a massage therapist, which is really what you ought to call all of them, regardless of gender.
Twas just joking about the difficulty in language when they become too gender specific... Yesterday I was out at a market and someone was shooting a movie (or something) and there were about 5 folk walking around in full makeup, dresses, and all about 6 feet tall. I couldn't for the life of me tell if they were tall kinda manly looking women *or* actually men in really good makeup... So just joking about my own confusion...

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