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Old 02-19-2004, 11:13 PM   #1
DGLinden
Dojo: Shoshin Aikido Dojos
Location: Orlando
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 159
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Sitting in a bar....

These two men were sitting in a bar. One turns to the other and says, "You look fit, do you work out? The othe says "Yes, I train at Aikido." The first says "No, I train at aikido too! Bartender, a pair of drinks for two men who train at Aikido!"

After a while the first man says, "Where did you first learn Aikido?" The second man says, "In New York." The first "No! I trained in New York! Bartender, another pair of drinks for two men who trained in New York!"

After a bit the first man says, "How old are you, you seem as fit as I do, and I'm 41.?"
The second man says, "No! I'm 41! Bartender! Another pair of drinks for two Aikidoka who are 41 years old."

The bartender passes back and forth and keeps hearing the two going on and on... "You went to St Marys? I went to St. Marys!" "You knew Sensei Dobson? I knew Sensei Dobson!"

After a while the owner of the bar calls and asks him how things have been going for the night. He says fine and that he'd close up except the O'Brian twins are here and they're drunk again...

Daniel G. Linden
Author of ON MASTERING AIKIDO (c) 2004
Founder Shoshin Aikido Dojos
www.shoshindojo.com
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Old 02-20-2004, 10:44 PM   #2
Jack Robertson
Join Date: Feb 2004
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Smile

HAHAHA!!

Very nice: )
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Old 02-21-2004, 10:23 AM   #3
John Boswell
 
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Daniel... you know the O'Brian twins? I know the O'Brian twins too!!

"Bartender! Another round for..."

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Old 02-21-2004, 11:55 PM   #4
Colin 67
Dojo: bingham
Location: nottingham
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Three men walked into a bar........the fourth one ducked!
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Old 02-22-2004, 03:00 PM   #5
tedehara
 
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Dojo: Evanston Ki-Aikido
Location: Evanston IL
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Quote:
Daniel Linden (DGLinden) wrote:
...After a while the owner of the bar calls and asks him how things have been going for the night. He says fine and that he'd close up except the O'Brian twins are here and they're drunk again...
After a while the owner of the bar calls and asks him how things have been going for the night. He says things have been pretty quiet, except for the drunk at the end of the bar. He has been talking to himself in the mirror again.

It is not practice that makes perfect, it is correct practice that makes perfect.
About Ki
About You
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Old 03-05-2004, 11:00 AM   #6
j0nharris
Dojo: Kododan Aikido USA
Location: Radford Virginia
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Quote:
colin simpson (Colin 67) wrote:
Three men walked into a bar........the fourth one ducked!
So.. A cowboy, a redhead, and a priest walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"


jon harris

Life is a journey...
Now, who took my @#$%! map?!
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Old 03-05-2004, 02:16 PM   #7
DarkShodan
Dojo: Shuurin Dojo - Omaha, Nebarska
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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't like your kind around here." The Jumper cable says, "Don't worry, it's not like I am going to start anything."

Boo!

Hiss!

Victims, aren't we all.
-- Eric Draven
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Old 03-05-2004, 02:39 PM   #8
cbrf4zr2
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 114
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Another groaner...

This string walks into a bar, and the bartender immediately points him to the door saying, "We don't serve your kind here, you'll have to go somewhere else." The next night the string comes back, and the same thing. This goes on for a while, then finally the string ruffles up his "hair," twists himself up, and heads back to the bar.

The bartender asks, "How many times do I have to tell you? We don't serve your kind here, you are a string aren't you?" To which the string replied, "No sir, I'm a frayed knot."

************************
...then again, that's just me.
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Old 03-29-2004, 01:26 AM   #9
Jim ashby
Dojo: Phoenix Coventry
Location: Coventry, England
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A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.............

Vir Obesus Stola Saeptus
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Old 03-29-2004, 07:52 AM   #10
Andrew James
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France
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Guy walks into a bar with his parrot and asks for a whiskey. The bartender brings him a whiskey and coke. The guy says "I didn't order that coke!" Bartender replies "No your parrot did", The guy bewildered says "But my parrot doesn't know how to speak" and orders another whiskey. Bartender comes back with whiskey and coke. The guy gets upset and so does the bartender,"Your damn parrot ordered it!!!!!"

The man once again asks for a whiskey and this time listens to see if the parrot says anything. The parrot looks at him and says" Squawk, and a Coke, Squawk squawk" The guy gets in a real temper and out of rage goes to his car to his tool box, comes back and nails the parrot to the wall.

Next to the parrot, above the door, is a crucifix. The Parrot turns to look at Jesus and asks " Squawk, did you ask for a coke as well?? squawk, squawk"

http://perso.wanadoo.fr/kaigan-no-maru/
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Old 03-29-2004, 09:47 AM   #11
John Boswell
 
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BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

Bad bad.

That joke was so lame, years of rehab wouldn't help it.

BUT, getting back to Jesus...

Moses and Jesus are up in heaven getting ready to play a game of golf when an old man comes up and asks to join in. Jesus looks at Moses, who shrugs his shoulders, so they agree to let the old man play.

Moses takes his first shot which goes *plop* right into a water hazard. Walking over to the pond, he raises his hands, parts the water, finds his ball and plays through.

Next up, Jesus hits his golf ball, it lands on the far side of the water hazard... right on the edge. He walks over to the little pond, walks across the water, stands partly on the water and partly on ground... takes his hit and plays through.

Finally, the little old man tees up. He hits the ball and watches it slice of to the side where it hits a tree, bounces up into the air, hits a bird, falls down and smacks a rock, ricochets off to the right thumping a groundhog, then rolls onto the green and into the hole... making a hole in one.

Moses shakes his head and looks over at Jesus,"Man... I hate playing golf with your Dad."


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Old 03-29-2004, 03:15 PM   #12
John Boswell
 
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Got another one for ya. Let's see if I can type this:

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a shot and a beer. (stop me if ya heard this one )

He's looking around, checking out this bar when he notices there's a jar full of twenty dollar bills up on the shelf behind the bar. On his next round when the bartender comes back, the guy asks "whats with that jar fulla money?" Bartender tells him: "It's a running bet. Cost you $20 bucks to try it, but if you win, you get all the money in that jar." Bartender looks all serious, leans on the bar and asks, "You interested?"

Guy says, "I dunno. What do I have to do?"

"Three things." says the bartender. "First, you see that big, ugly, musclebound jerk over there at the end of the bar? He's a regular and he's got a N A S T Y temper! You have to go over there and kick his a$$!"

Guy looks down at the big, ugly guy, drinks his shot and beer, orders another round, slams down a twenty and his drinks and says, "Be right back..."

Ten minutes later the guy stumbles back over to his stool and sits down. He has another (several) shots and beers. Bartender leans over to him, "Well? Think your ready for the rest?"

Drunk guy looks up at him, "Hell ya I'mf ready! Don uh luk ready tu yu? I whapped that ole' boy real good and I'll doo it agin if ya wanna!"

"Oh no.... no, no. I got two more things for you to do. The next thing is: we have a doberman guard dog out back. He's mean and the owner doesn't feed him enough. And now he's got a bad tooth! You're next task is to go out there and pull that tooth!"

Drunk guy looks at the back door, then at the bartender, then the back door again. "I dunno buddy. Was da last thing I gots ta do, hmm?"

Bartender looks at the drunk and tells him: " The 3rd and final thing is this... the owner's wife, Bertha, lives in the apartment upstairs. The owner is a jealous man and never lets that pretty little wife of his goes out and he SWARES he'll kill her and any man around if she's caught cheatin' on him. Last thing ya gotta DO after the dog... is Bertha! You live through THAT... and you get this money!"

Drunk guy eyes the bartender, takes a shot of whiskey, eyes the jar of money, stands up, tips his hat and tells the bartender, "uh'll be rite back."

Stomp, stomp, stomp... slam!

The old boy goes out back and everyone in the bar can hear terrible growling, barks, whimperin' and whining... for over thirty minutes the struggle goes on before the drunk comes stumbling back in again. He's a bloody and tore up mess of a man.

Drunk guy stumbles over to his stool, plops down and sips on his beer. When the bartender comes over, he leans in and says "Well?"

Drunk guy looks at him and says, "O.K.! Now then... where's this here little lady what got's a bad tooth??"

HA !

I know, I know... loses something in the translation, but DAMN that's a funny joke!!

Last edited by John Boswell : 03-29-2004 at 03:21 PM.

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Old 03-29-2004, 04:16 PM   #13
DarkShodan
Dojo: Shuurin Dojo - Omaha, Nebarska
Location: Omaha
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one for the kids....

This proton walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says,

"Hey, get out! We don't serve electrons here."

"But I'm not an electron."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive!"

Victims, aren't we all.
-- Eric Draven
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Old 06-11-2004, 07:50 AM   #14
Jeff Stallard
Dojo: Circle of Harmony / Columbus, Ohio
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A neutron walks into a bar and gets a drink. He pulls out his wallet and the bartender says, "For you, no charge."

Two peanuts walk into a bar; one was assaulted.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, I got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "Really?! You got a drink named Murray?!"

An irishman walks out of a bar...
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Old 06-11-2004, 09:23 AM   #15
DarkShodan
Dojo: Shuurin Dojo - Omaha, Nebarska
Location: Omaha
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A man with dyslexia walks into a bra.

Victims, aren't we all.
-- Eric Draven
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Old 06-11-2004, 09:28 AM   #16
John Boswell
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Quote:
An irishman walks out of a bar...
...now THAT was FUNNY !!

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Old 06-11-2004, 11:19 AM   #17
Infamousapa
Dojo: Aikido Institute of America
Location: HEAVENS
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A horse walks into the bar,And the bartender asks WHY THE LONG FACE....
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Old 06-11-2004, 01:39 PM   #18
Noel
Location: Rochester, NY
Join Date: Nov 2003
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A hot dog walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "We don't serve food in this joint."
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Old 06-14-2004, 05:54 AM   #19
Keith_k
Dojo: Kim's Hapkido
Location: California
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have............................................................................ .......................................... a beer," The bartender says "Why the big pause?" (paws)
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Old 07-15-2004, 10:12 PM   #20
senseimike
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

a duck walks into a convience store and says " Give me some chapstick, and put it on my bill"
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Old 07-15-2004, 10:14 PM   #21
senseimike
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

few days later....... same duck walks into the same store....

duck says" give me a condom"
store owner says " shall i put it on your bill"
duck says " what kind of a duck do you think i am???"
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Old 07-16-2004, 02:12 AM   #22
Marc Kupper
Dojo: Aikido of Diablo Valley / ASU
Location: Walnut Creek, California
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

This was sent to me as an office joke and I just hacked it to fit a dojo setting though any similarity to any dojo you may have trained at is strictly coincidental.

The senior student noticed a new student, motioned him over, and asked "What is your name?" "John," the new guy replied.

The senior scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you trained at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to kohai by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
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Old 07-16-2004, 02:37 AM   #23
Michael Brown
Dojo: Aikido of San Jose
Location: San Jose, CA
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Ok......
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
-dung-
"Doctor, last night I dreamed that I was a wigwam, and the night before I dreamt that I was a teepee!" Doc replied, "relax, you're two tents."
keep 'em coming, folks.......
-Mike
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Old 07-16-2004, 02:49 AM   #24
Bridge
Dojo: Slough Aikikai
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 130
United Kingdom
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A man walks into a bar. Ouch!


I'll get me coat.
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Old 07-16-2004, 03:41 AM   #25
shihonage
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 890
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Quote:
Michael Brown wrote:
Ok......
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
-dung-
"Doctor, last night I dreamed that I was a wigwam, and the night before I dreamt that I was a teepee!" Doc replied, "relax, you're two tents."
keep 'em coming, folks.......
-Mike
... I prefer this version:

_____________

Patient comes to a doctor and says,
"Doctor, I'm having strange dreams ! Last night I dreamed that I was a wigwam, and the night before I dreamt that I was a teepee ! Do you have any idea why ?"

Doctor says, "Well, it is quite simple. You're a fucking idiot."

_____________
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