Thread: Cold Sensei
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Old 05-06-2013, 07:28 PM   #5
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Anonymous User
Re: Cold Sensei

To answer your question, we are both adults. Not kids by any means And I did approach Sensei about it a while ago. He said that No, I didn't do anything to make him angry, and more cryptically Perhaps it was best this way, and Maybe we need to work on my self-esteem.
I suspect that I actually did do something to make him behave this way. I don't think he values a more direct style of communication. My suspicion is that he thinks that he is protecting me from the truth and can quietly discard the unwanted friend while getting to keep the student. But, that is me guessing in the dark.
Unfortunately for me, it is by nature an unequal relationship. I have to take my cue from my sensei as to how the relationship goes. I feel like my only options are to accept my role as a student only or leave. What is hard about it for me is that it is a small dojo and I spend quite a bit of time there. To not be included in a social group within the dojo makes training there very lonely.
I always thought of Aikido as not just being the training and is more about the connections that are created through training. It just feels very hurtful to be excluded by the very person who taught me that.
Am I missing something? Should I not allow those connections to be broken? Or am I supposed to ignore how this behavior makes me feel and just shut up and train? Very confused.
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