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Old 04-21-2006, 04:21 PM   #75
Kevin Leavitt
 
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Dojo: Team Combat USA
Location: Olympia, Washington
Join Date: Jul 2002
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Re: Any instructors here ever challenged?

Neil in reading your post it would appear that your use of the word avoidance and mine of resolving may be slightly semantical.

To me avoidance means igoring conflict. I still think avoidance is not a very good word to use. I would choose "resovle", "redirect", "deflect" "heal" or maybe some other words...does this make sense?

I don't think avoiding a car accident is the same as avoiding the same kind of conflict we are talking about. The conflict we are dealing with in aikido is conflict that is caused by someone intentionally, strategical, or tactically trying to cause harm.

Swerving to avoid a car (avoidance) is a good option as typically the intent of the driver was not to cause you harm it was simply an accident. so yes I'd agree that avoidance resolves the situation as it ends it.

Road Rage might be a good example....someone has projected rage toward you, the guy who he percieves is driving too slow in the left lane! Now he pulls up behind you, flashes his lights, and you have a choice. You can either move out of his way, or slow down even more and piss him off that much more.

Now pulling out of his way is avoidance, and placates him for the time being, that is, until he comes to the next SOB that is in his way.

Here's is where we go deeper into the cause and effect of the avoidance theory....

So avoiding him solves your problem, but did we resolve the conflict. No. What he learned is that his agressive driving habit works. So we reinforce in him that his "bullying" works.

so avoidance does not heal or resovle conflict. It simply postpones it. True it may not impact you again...but hopefully we want to do more than this with our skills!

Now this is all theorectical, but we have other options. We could get his license number and call the police. You know, I bet if enough people did this on this guy eventually someone might notice a trend! Maybe not.

If we could somehow engage this guy once he stopped his car, maybe we could talk to him and make him see that his habit is negatively affecting other people. Maybe make him visualize the type of accident he may cause one day, the pain and suffering he might cause. The court dates he'd have to go to. The family he left behind without a father if someone was killed.

Again, this is all theorectical and may not be practical....but we are talking about conflict resolution theory here and the application of aikido and what it might teach us. ..that is how to skillfully deal with conflict.

to me avoidance is simple. We don't need to attend one single aikido class to learn to essentially "irimi" and sidestep conflict. What we need to learn is what to do when we want to really resolve problems, enter the void, or when we don't have a choice! Use the right tools and restore true balance to the equation.
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