lbb

I'm gonna third the suggestion to seek help, but I may have a bit of a different take on it.

Michael says, "...you probably should consider finding a counselor to help you adjust and develop confidence and self-assurance when dealing with those of the opposite sex. That is a major issue that will continue to have a terrible negative effect on your study of aikido unless you can find a comfortable way to train within yourself." Sorta agree, sorta don't. Aikido involves a level of physical contact that is not normal or appropriate in other contexts. Because of that -- because of all the social messages that tell us that this is inappropriate -- aikidoists are only able to have this level of contact if we understand what it does and doesn't mean. It's training in a martial art. It isn't about sex and it isn't about violence or aggression, and all participants need to understand that and to hold to it. And then, outside the dojo, we need to behave appropriately in other contexts where the rules are different.

Not everyone can do this. Not everyone who's been socialized their whole life to believe that certain level of physical contact with someone of the opposite sex is inappropriate, is going to be able to simply set that aside when they walk in the dojo. That doesn't mean this person lacks "confidence and self-assurance when dealing with those of the opposite sex". What they lack is TRUST, and in this case, they lack it because their trust has been violated. They have had the misfortune of dealing with someone who violated boundaries outside the dojo, where that kind of contact is just not ok. Why would you think that this individual would be more likely to respect boundaries INSIDE the dojo?

I understand that this may well mean that OP can't continue to train, at least at this dojo. I'm not sure that the sensei or dojo can do anything that would put OP's mind at ease at this point. I also get that the sensei doesn't feel he can ban the alleged perpetrator from the dojo. And I get that counseling may be helpful to OP. But, OP, ain't nothin' wrong with YOU, or your attitude toward the opposite sex. Any "confidence and self-assurance" that comes out counseling should be confidence in your ability to spot an abuser from a safe distance, and self-assurance that you can deal with the situation without any damage being done to yourself. If you do seek counseling, look for someone who has experience dealing with survivors. I wish you the best.