Congratulations Sonja! Very exciting news and I, for one, am very happy for you.
A fellow aikidoka of mine, John Couch, was very nervous and worried constantly upto the time that he tested for his Shodan. Once he passed his test, a calmness seemed to sweep through him. His aikido became more sure, very strong, relaxed, dynamic and most importantly... fun! I seem to recall him saying many of the things that you have said. And I know that I have similar thoughts as yours, as I am 2nd kyu, getting ready to test for 1st kyu...and Shodan is just at the top of the hill!
I'm greatly looking forward to seeing where I will be a year from now and experiencing the same feelings you are now.
Congratulations and enjoy the journey! I'm sure you have many great things ahead of you along the
.