daniel vanhee (vanstretch) wrote:
i have been to a few seminars and have noticed some of the wives of the high ranking dans and noticed that they look bored with it all.
It took my husband and I a couple of yrs to sort out (decades before I started aikido) but basically if one of us is going to be bored stiff or worse, to a degree that precludes "putting a good face on it," the other goes alone. No resentment, no recriminations, just two happy people content knowing they will meet up together later on.
Note there is a difference between agreeing to go and making the best of it, and agreeing to go and being obviously disengaged--that is; the difference between a relationship of equals who compromise as needed and a relationship based on power differences.