Thread: Aikido, My Way
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Old 08-12-2009, 08:51 AM   #38
lbb
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Re: Aikido, My Way

Quote:
Cherie Cornmesser wrote: View Post
When you are good enough to have the confidence to say you are you generally don't need to prove it.
Interesting. I've known any number of people who claimed to be good and something and turned out to be nothing of the sort.

Quote:
Cherie Cornmesser wrote: View Post
Like our OP I experienced similar issues of heavy bullying and other abuses. Unlike him I never got to the point of wanting revenge or wanting to be able to get back at the people hurting me. I just found ways to avoid or escape. But backed in a corner I have had to get physical a few times too. I learned though how to stop bullies before they got a hand on me again, simply through self carriage. Only had to leave marks on people once or twice to get the point across. And never beyond what was necessary to get them to leave me be. But because of that past I got so I was always on defensive mode. Never relaxed around people never trust anyone. Aikido is helping to make me a calmer person. Knowing that I have a way to protect myself that still allows me to do little to no harm to the aggressor has actually allowed me to be less on the defense. Although I'm not sure that will ever totally go away.
Bullying takes many forms, and I think that has a lot to do with how it affects its victims down the road, although perhaps it's also largely due to the victims' wiring or understanding of the situation. I got harassed for being different in grade school and junior high, and at times it got physical, but even while it was going on, I knew that it was limited in scope and duration. The important difference between me and the bullies was not that they were more powerful now, but that I was going places and they weren't. In high school, the bullies (the ones that made it that far) either cleaned up their act or found themselves increasingly marginalized and dropped off the radar scope. I don't know where any of the kids who harassed me in junior high are now, but I can honestly say that I never gave them another thought as soon as their very transient power had vanished. If I think back on bullying situations, they have no emotional charge for me whatsoever, for which I'm very grateful.

Quote:
Cherie Cornmesser wrote: View Post
While my experience is also a bit different from the OP it is also similar and I can totally understand his point of view. I have to say I admire his courage to share that with us. It may help someone else down the road to know they are not alone and perhaps Aikido will help them as well.
Aikido, or some other form of empowerment -- which, arguably, is what happened with me. I had nothing special going for me but brains and a willingness to work, but I realized at a young age that those were the biggest advantages I could have, and that my life was going to turn out a lot better than the hangin-on-the-corner white trash who were giving me static. When you realize that a bully does not have the power to make your life miserable ("life" in the large sense), what was done to you in the past probably matters a lot less.
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