Re: Ex partners and response by the dojo
I am mostly echoing other posts here, but I would break up the OP as:
1. An issue of sexual harassment/assault. This is a legal matter and should be treated as such. The location of the incident is relevant in the sense that where's the incident took place.
2. A continuation of interaction with an offender. Now, the dojo is a place where two people are interacting and that interaction causes discomfort. An instructor or dojo cho can understand the situation and look at some solutions. Personally, at the level about which you are speaking, I would consider a voluntary decision to leave the dojo, or ask the offender to leave the dojo. At the elevation of criminal behavior, I would think you don't want to interact any longer.
3. Personal discomfort. A little murkier, but it is not uncommon for incidents of personal violation to cause some anxiety and other issues. If you feel discomfort here, seek help.
I see a lot of DV as part of my job. There is a distinction between discomfort and inappropriate behavior. It's OK to feel uncomfortable, but don't let that discomfort affect what needs to happen. Also, remember that there is more than one side to a story. Not everyone may know, agree, or understand what is happening - be clear in what you want to happen so others can help.
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