Wow George!
So what do we do?
My experiences and suspicions parallel yours.
When I moved to DC I was told to go study with Saotome Sensei. I went to the dojo...of course he was in FL by then and Shihan. So I studied for a few months being my typcial frustrated self. One day early in the morning when I was hanging out with Saotome sensei when he was "home", I got up the courage to ask him some very direct and intense situational questions along the lines of "prove it"..of course I was very diplomatic and polite about it and it was done in a way that he was not offended in the least. He proceeded to convince me of the power and skillfullness that he possessed! Wow!
It was the sole reason I have stayed with Aikido and ASU.
Of course, I was then relegated to the "masses"
I am not sure based on our society of how you train as hard, serious, or intently as you say we should in order to understand it! I tried to do this in DC area with various students, but we simply could not line up our schedules or devote the time necessary!
I think it takes a unique situation and a unique instructor that has the time in order for these things to happen! I still have hope, but the economics and the other priorities we all have in our lives seem to be the big issue.