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Old 12-24-2014, 05:20 PM   #21
Susan Dalton
Dojo: Greensboro Kodokan
Location: Greensboro
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 346
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Re: Problems Dating on the Mat

Julia,
I agree with the folks who have said to talk to him about his behaviors that are bothering you, but off the mat. On the mat he is your sempai, and depending on the system you're in, teaching you may be one of his responsibilities. I've never dated anyone in the dojo, but my son and I practiced together for years. He was my very favorite uke, but we could also get on each others' nerves more than anyone else on the mat. We had to communicate.

Old lady advice: my husband told me years ago that if I told him what I wanted from him and he didn't give it to me, fine, be pissed off. But if I didn't tell him, he couldn't read my mind. Good relationships take work, and learning how to communicate is very hard work. I also agree with Joe that you should communicate directly with your fellow. That's another thing hubby said to me--"If you tell me what's wrong, I'll try to make it right. But I would appreciate your giving me first shot at it, not spreading my business all over town. If you tell me and I don't respond, then go bitch to your friends. Otherwise, let me handle it." In 37 years I've never had to go any further than him with my complaints. My point is, I did not know how to communicate properly or be in a relationship in a healthy way, and I had to learn. If you think he's worth it, give this guy a chance to learn, too.
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