senshincenter

Come on - who's the robot here? Who has one level of training, starts finding out it wasn't all that, then looks to attack the messenger while at the same time saying nothing new is being said? Talk about a habitual reaction-preprogrammed response to certain "touchy" issues.

This is all very simple - if you want to see it - but to see it you got to realize how stuck you are. You know you are stuck, but you don't want to be stuck, and more than that you don't want anyone pointing out that you are stuck. You seem interested in only hearing folks say, "Yeah, that happened to me, but it just went away - keep going, you'll be fine." The truth is, sure, maybe you can keep going, but you'll never be fine. The cycles of desire and convenience reduce one's practice to an immature level, and from there it is always prone to ending.

Some part of you knows things are not fine. Things are far from fine - because "fine" was when you were training, wanting to train, etc. Now - "Why aren't I training?" Answer: Because you don't want to. "Why don't I want to?" Because all desires end - because desires do not last forever. Asking why desires end is like asking why tomorrow comes. Tomorrow comes because it comes, because it is tomorrow. Desires end because they end - because desires cannot last. In the end then, it is silly to ask, "Why don't I want to train anymore?" It is especially ludicrous to ask it of strangers.

Desires end - period. That leaves you, or anyone else like you, three choices: 1) let the desire die out completely and the practice as well; or 2) find some new desire to hold your interest to training (e.g. hallow crap most folks get attached to: a new rank, a new hakama, a new seminar, a new teacher, a new title, a new federation, a new time in your life, some Aikido fame, or some delusional sense of power or skill, etc.) - starting a never-ending cycle of desire-finding and chasing; or, 3) find a way to take your training beyond desire - to the level of commitment and integration.

That's it - there is no fourth option. It's not robotic - it's just the way it is. As to how do you adopt the third option? First, you stop thinking with your old habits - such that you can first see that what you are currently doing is totally different from what you could be doing; such that you do not feel hostile or insecure in the face of the new and better third option - the only real option for a mature practice. Second, you seek to develop a practice capable of containing and fulfilling your heart/mind (i.e. your inner and most complete self). Third, you surround yourself with a community of other practitioners that also practice in this manner. And fourth, you endure in the art of laying experience upon experience (tanren). It's that simple - and it only gets complex when you are stuck, resistant to self-transformation (the real kind), and/or unable and unwilling to recognize what you are for fear of realizing what you are not.

Derek - you understood the post perfectly.