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Everyone has spoken of a perceived failure if the other guy is hurt or killed; well I'm not sorry to say that I look to myself first (probably why aikido doesn't work for me, Mentally at least).
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Tony, that's not a wrong or immoral state of mind by any means. I don't think anyone could fault you for feeling that way. However, to train in aikido is to perceive and accept responsibility for your actions in defense. I agree that to be a beginner (as I am) in aikido, the prospects of dealing with a serious attack in such a way that I do not hurt my attacker is not particularly likely. In fact, to try could cost me my life. However, I do dedicate my training in the safe environment of the dojo to increasing my skills to this end. I would still consider it a failure of someone died at my hands, deserving or no - experienced in the art, or no.
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-Mike