I didn't even start Aikido yet so I would like to apologise in advance to all which might take me for a wise-guy
Correct me if I am wrong please
The reason I am to join my local Aikido Dojo is to help me develop my own discipline.
At this stage of my life I became very aware of my Ego and what powers my Ego has over my life. I became aware of how Ego talks through me via Fear, Anger, Procrastination, Doubt, Competition, Pride, etc ... I became aware of me being owned by my Monkey Mind.
I realised the importance of silencing my Ego Monkey Mind and teaching it Humility.
I need a Teacher to help me during this break in period of change since my Ego is resisting and trying to put me back into the status quo. I need consistency and Dojo will help me with this.
In my every day life I find that Ego has many faces in order to deceive me and stay in the "protected" status quo. Ego doesn't like changes. Ego loves to compete and to win, to be the best of them all. Some Egos love to loose to punish them selves and these Egos usually tend to self-sabotage. I have a good friend of mine which is very good at achieving things, but he tends to self-sabotage at the end of each (almost) successful realisation (catch that).
I am yet to see someone winning a gold medal and refusing to take it
Someone so humble "knowing" the real truth of the Universe which Is that I am unable to win by crushing down my opponent/enemy, I am part of the One Ki and my opponent/enemy is also the part of the One Ki, how can I be the winner if my opponent/enemy Is Down.
There is One thing which I wish to achieve and that is the real reason behind me willing to practice the art of Aikido;
According to the founder, true victory is the victory one achieves over oneself!
And that Oneself is entangled most of the time in Ego based Monkey Mind schemes and one of them is Pride and Competition, proving to oneself and others that I AM the best or among the best.
I AM is our worse opponent and the best Teacher (I believe)
I see Aikido as being a Spiritual Mirror in which the attacker can see it self and learn the truth. I attack (to compete, to be better than ... ) and my own Ki is joining the Aikidokas Ki and suddenly my Ki is working against my intent of bringing down my opponent. I continue in a stubborn way to attack again and again until I fall down physically exhausted and this is the part when Ego falls a sleep and I realise the truth ... I was never attacking the Aikidoka but my own self.
Aikidoka's purpose was/Is to help me realise this truth (this is how I "see" Aikido)
In my belief Aikido is there to help us realise that we all are part of the One Ki. Meaning if I am to attack another being I am disturbing the peaceful flow of the Universal Ki which is in all of us.
Native Americans believed that there is no true happiness if even one of our relatives/relations is suffering.
Hence the Lakota saying Mitakuye Oyasin (all of creation Is my relatives).
I know it is difficult to live Spiritually in a Ego-based world where "I want For Me" is accepted readily than "I want For All of Us". How do I know this, well, I am in the middle of the battle where my Ego is constantly competing with my Spirit (even though an exhausting experience at least I became aware of it which is a "half way there")
Through Aikido practise I am willing to become my Ego's Mirror and let my Ego "see" the absurdness of the self. Ego will attack and my Spirit (Ki) will pin it or throw it (but gently) ... and again, and again ... and again if necessary for the rest of my life.
Here is where I apply the Samurai saying "Cry in the Dojo - Laugh in the battlefield" just the battlefield is within my self.
Once again, very helpful column and discussion and I apologise in advance to all which might take me for a wise-guy, it was not my intent.
Just in a case I sound strange please understand that I started discovering Ki through Reiki
and Aikido is to become my extended Path.
p.s. my wife and her family can not play any game without putting some money in or just making the looser go and wash the dishes after the dinner (just so the game would be interesting they say). My wife sais that it is boring playing against me since I don't express competitive attitude like acting with triumph if I win or score or being disappointed if I loose or miss. That is why I prefer fishing without a hook ... just focusing on the red top of the floater on the wavy water surface. Pointless you might say ... we all have different experiences which make us believe what we believe and only time might change that believe or maybe it will be an Aikidoka which I as Ego will attack again and again and again and again ... until I as Ego collapse in this absurd competitive pursuit.
Thank you for reading
Kind regards, Dusko