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Old 11-30-2009, 10:39 AM   #10
George S. Ledyard
 
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Dojo: Aikido Eastside
Location: Bellevue, WA
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 2,670
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Re: Response to "Loyalty, an Aiki perspective

Quote:
Janet Rosen wrote: View Post
I was initially taught that my loyalty should be to my instructor and the dojo.
Then the instructor who taught me that did not show loyalty to the dojo and lied publicly to save face.
Obviously I have had other teachers and other dojos since then.
I am respectful to my teachers. I am respectful of and in my dojo. I am loyal to my principles.
I think that this is a difficult area for Americans. We tend not to think of relationships in terms of loyalty but when we decide to enter into a set of hierarchical relationships with a figure at the top, we often then go too far.

Virtually every major Asian spiritual system that came over here in the sixties and seventies (Zen, Vipassana, Tibetan Buddhism, Yoga, etc, martial arts included) had serious scandals in which the community had to deal with the fact that their teacher was acting irresponsibly and immorally. In almost all cases the "loyalty" factor caused people to from really dysfunctional co-dependent relationships in which the membership basically became "enablers".

I think that people should look at "loyalty" as "commitment". You have the freedom to pick any teacher you want. When you have done so you give that teacher full commitment as long as you are training with him. If the relationship at some point stops being positive, you say thank you and you leave.

Most Americans leave for trivial reasons. I had two students leave because I didn't make them feel "validated". Having been trained by a Japanese teacher myself, I didn't realize that that was part of my job. I have had people leave because of some particular phase that my practice went through that they weren't interested in. Of course, I have changed many times over the years. Each time some students chose to mot stay with my process, as if what I was doing at the time was going to be what I would do forever.

I went through a very painful divorce at one point. It was all I could do to get on the mat to do my classes. I had a student come up to me and complain that my classes hadn't been as inspiring as usual, as if it were my job to inspire her practice. There was no, "how are you doing?", "is there anything we can do to help?" So "loyalty" is about the two way street in the relationship between the teacher and the student.

But when the relationship becomes unproductive in that it is not taking where you need to go (long term) in your training or it is dysfunctional in that you are required to suspend your own sense of what is right or wrong in order to maintain the relationship, it's time to leave. The proper way to do that is to thank the teacher for everything they have given you, tell him how much you appreciate what you have received but that it is time for you to move on.

The teacher student relationship should be a two way street. If you want the teacher to invest in you, then you need to invest in the teacher. And that doesn't mean just paying dues. Be committed when you are in it, don't abandon it for trivial reasons, but if it's time to make a change, then do so. Never stay when you know you should go, just out of some misguided sense of loyalty.

George S. Ledyard
Aikido Eastside
Bellevue, WA
Aikido Eastside
AikidoDvds.Com
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