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Old 04-23-2006, 05:49 AM   #14
Kevin Leavitt
 
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Dojo: Team Combat USA
Location: Olympia, Washington
Join Date: Jul 2002
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Re: How do I attempt to change that?

I don't know if this is what you guys are looking for, but these are the thoughts that come to my mind mainly based on some of the philosophy I am studying based on the writings of Krishnamurti and Ayn Rand.

I think we become dissatisfied with ourselves when we compare ourselves against others, ideals, values, dogma and all that good stuff.

When we don't "measure up", we create conflict within ourselves.

so to the crux of the matter, how do we resolve that conflict? we either come to the realization that we are who we are and internalize that and move on, or we take the steps that Lynn outlines above.

The key to it is to balance the desire to be something we are not against our happiness. It is not an easy thing to do sometimes!

I like Paulina's opening example, it cuts to the core. Most of us have many obstacles that get in the way of our aikido training. We'd like to train more, but say "I can't, because of my job". It may be a reality, or it may be the excuse. But because the obstacle is there, we don't take the time to figure out the etiology of the reason we can't train more.

Then one day, maybe that obstacle is removed. You retire, or what. You, as Paulina, have all the time in the world to train. Now you are forced to confront the excuse for not training more. Is it because you don't have the time or is it somethng else?

Sometimes I think we'd like to think we'd like to train more, that somehow if we train twice has much that we'd get to the endstate twice as fast, or be twice as good! In reality though, we deep down know that there is more to this than that, but we don't really want to explore the answer for fear of what we may discover! Really I think it is a fear of the unknown, or we might find out it wasn't what we thought!

Anyway, desire is a tricky subject. To desire nothing would not be good as it would mean you would cease to exist, to desire something leads to want, need, which creates conflict. So, how do you find the middle ground!

That is what I am struggling with!
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