Ross, you have the most amusing metaphors when writing about aikido
As for the little death, wouldn't it hint at a moment of sadness after each throw? "Post coitum omne animal triste est (...sive gallus et mulier)." The separation ending the aikido technique is like an adieu, a small death of sorts reminding us of the big and definite one.
Why woman should escape that sadness, according to the old saying, might have to do with what is passed in coitus - the seed that will grow into a human being. So, in the act, one loses something and another one receives it - and that something is indeed a miracle.
Can that be compared somehow to the roles of tori and uke in aikido? We even translate uke as the one who receives. On the other hand, tori is the one who takes. How can something be taken by one and still received by another? Is aikido able of that paradox: intercourse where both are enriched, excluding the post-coital sadness completely?
Or is aikido really just foreplay?