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Old 02-13-2009, 11:31 AM   #40
heathererandolph
Dojo: Kokikai Aikido Boston
Location: Boston
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 121
United_States
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Re: man hesitant to train with woman???

Chantal:

What it boils down to is you are looking for ways to tell another student how they can improve your practice. It is a good skill to learn because students don't necessarily have to "put up" for lack of another word, with behavior that they feel is not as helpful as it could be. Often students are hesitant to tell uke to attack differently, perhaps because they don't realize it's an okay thing to do.

I think the best place to let other students know your preferences is during the technique itself, unless talking is prohibited. You could say for example: "if it's okay with you can you grab me here (gesturing) the way the instructor showed it?" or something along those lines. If it's a pin, I'd just leave that one alone if I were you just because it's really their practice that is suffering not yours in that situation because your are uke.

I wouldn't get into the whole man/woman thing because although it is probably relevant in your case, what you're really dealing with is communicating to your uke how they can help you to have your best practice at this time. Also, there could be other factors, but why is not so important as how to change the behavior.

Even with you best efforts, not every student may pick up on it or if they are uncomfortable with a particular grab, maybe your instructor can come up with a similar grab. I'm unsure how much your technique will suffer in the long run even with the attacks you describe. Things always change within the dojo, people come and go, maybe there will be some other women eventually or men with different attitudes.

Working with other students is a valuable skill. It's important to let your partner know when you need a different attack, a slower attack, a push, a pull, etc... It's important to focus on your own training. Whatever "vibes" you are getting from them, well that's their problem, not yours, try to ignore it.
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