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Old 05-09-2002, 12:18 AM   #13
guest1234
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 915
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Hi Dallas,

I would suggest not beating yourself up over this, but looking at it as a learning experience. First, you didn't know that that could be considered a swear word (and the point may still be debated), but if you did, would you want to use it? Anywhere, including the dojo? Now, I am the last one to talk here, having first used such words during a surgical residency and perfecting through years in the fighter community, but this is my take on swearing:

Men swear, women cry (or, if they want to be taken seriously in surgical residencies and as one of the first females in fighters, they swear) for pretty much the same reasons: lack of control over self. They swear (or cry) because they are angry, frustrated, hurt (emotionally or physically), scared. It looks different, but it is the same thing, emotions and bad habits overcoming the self. Once I got into the habit of swearing (rather than tearing up) when frustrated, it became an unattractive habit (and I believe unattractive in both sexes). When I realized it showed a lack of self-control on my part (what did this? I spent a weekend interviewing in a Catholic hospital, in the company of nuns the whole time, and realized I had managed to go without a four letter word the entire time) I decided to work on changing my behavior.

Even before that, I'd (like any 'gentleman') refrained from swearing around women, children, and any man I hadn't heard swear first. Which just supported my theory that such behavior can be controlled if you so desire. And, by the way, I think a court case was lost by a man who let loose with a string of four letter words in the presence of some families on a rafting trip.

Did you do anything wrong? Well, not if you didn't know some could find offense in the word you used (don't know that I'd call it swearing, although I would guess it is from a reference to Mary 'by Our Lady', much the same as calling upon God in many names is felt to be swearing). Do I think swearing is OK in the dojo? No, because it is verbal pollution of the space others share, and it indicates a lack of self control/lack of awareness that I think we should be working on especially in a dojo. If something can upset your equilibrium so easily that words are 'forced' from your mouth, what does that say for your focus and composure? Just my very long winded 2 cents.
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