Re: Letting Go of the Ego
Thank you for your candor. I can relate. I have gone through all the same thoughts and feelings many times.
The reason I have been training for 30 years is because I have stayed here. Aikido is so interesting to me I can't leave.
My mind comes up with all sorts of rational to get me to not enjoy it so much. And I stay anyway.
All the things that you describe are distractions from becoming what you can become if you just stay on the mat and train.
When my mind comes up with judgments I just notice them. No one needs to hear about them. When my body comes up with feelings I just feel them.
It really sounds like you are doing great...maybe a little too much in your head but that is understandable.