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Old 09-12-2015, 12:26 PM   #11
Mary Eastland
 
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Re: Don't be the bad guy

Quote:
Janet Rosen wrote: View Post
(sigh) happened with me in the middle just a couple of weeks ago. At the feed store, a few of us, various individual and family folks playing with or petting the kitties in large cages from a local rescue org up for adoption.
A guy says sort of loudly, "why do they charge so much when you can get a cat for just a few bucks at the shelter?"
Two of us - women - both of us with friendly tones, start to explain that the shelter is county, has a county budget, and HAS to try to deal with a mass of cats, while the rescue is spending purely donated money to foster, treat, etc a limited selection of adoptable cats...he immediately takes offense at the mere fact of women disagreeing with him and gruffily dismisses it and walks off mumbling.
OK. No big deal.
Except hubby of the other woman decides Women Have Been Offended and the offender MUST see the error of his way.
So I'm stuck de-escalating Mr. Married Monkey Brain while hustling the offender off (no big deal, man, just go...) while his totally embarrassed wife just does ineffectual Offended Wife pleading.
Sheesh.
Lest anybody think I'm targeting men here....I know some women who have remarkable ability to go into monkey brain at imagined slights....it truly is a universal trait....
Reflecting back what I am hearing as I read here...it sounds victimy. The first (sigh) and ("So, I am stuck de-escalating...) It sounds like you think you have no choice in the matter. We always have a choice.

Internal language is very important. You made decisions to act a certain way.

Mary Eastland

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