Except in an hypothetical case of "suicide by nage", putting responsibility of the injury caused by application of waza in kata training on uke is textbook victim blaming.
Yes, in retrospect, there are a lot of red flags at this place, which look a lot like classic manipulation. (The issues also seem to predate my membership so I'm not thinking it's anything personal.) I've been going to a lot of seminars and classes at other dojos (and asking questions here), to see if my initial experience was typical or not. I'm happy to say there seem to be other, more wholesome places to practice. Going to try to be less naive about practice from here on out, but there does seem to be a place for me still in aikido, if not at my original dojo.