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The next step for me personally, is "How do I attempt to change that?", or again, being more honest, "Do I really want to change that?" But that's another thread I guess...
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No Ian, that is the crux of this thread (as it has morphed somewhat). Let me take this a bit further to address some of my own personal challenges to going deeper in my training.
My challenges to my commitment are partly physical, partly something else. I am trying to address the physical by training outside of aikido to improve my overall physical ability to stay on the mat injury free. When I first had problems with my left knee, I stopped training on the mat for about 6 months. I consistantly did the therapy my doctor recommended. In the same time period, I switched to a dojo that I felt (and still feel) offered me the best way forward in my training. When my right knee got injured, I did not do the therapy, and it has delayed the recovery for quite some time. Now that I have been doing yoga outside of the dojo, the knee is already showing serious improvement. But I have a ways to go...part of which is commiting to being at the dojo for a set number of times per week.
Another problem is my smoking. It has to stop. It amazes me that I can do some many different things, and yet this stupid weed is still messing with my head.
These are just some of the things I have let stand between myself and commitment to another level of my training. I am slowly addressing them...but it does take hard work.
Best,
Ron