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Old 08-06-2007, 12:13 PM   #100
Adam Alexander
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Michael Hackett wrote: View Post
My short answer is "yes". If she followed...
I'm not above error. So, please understand that this line of questioning is in an effort to understand, not convince.

When you say that she did nothing "wrong", are you saying that the following is an accurate statement? "If this woman's goals were to stay safe, befriending this person and being isolated with him was 'right' to attain that goal."

My other question, if you don't mind, is if a third party heard you say that the girl did nothing "wrong" and interpreted it as I believe it's being stated (it's not wrong to put yourself in bad situations) would you feel responsible if that person followed your advice with this interpretation and was hurt because of it? That's what I'm really curious about. Would you bear a burden for what happened?

Quote:
Kevin Wilbanks wrote: View Post
You claimed that no matter what bad thing is ever done to a person by another, it could have been prevented by some kind of infallible hyper-vigilance on their part.

If that's what I implied, that's not what I intended. I'm just suggesting that blanketing every disaster with "you didn't do anything wrong" may have a negative effect on the victim and others. Like I said, I don't know.

Specifically: you claimed that people should be vigilant to the point of seeing parking three spaces away from a windowed van in front of Nordstrom's as a situation of extreme peril.

That's accurate. As a man, I would approach that situation very cautiously. If I were a woman hoping to stay safe, I think I'd approach it even more cautiously.

I believe that's being alert. I don't see anything wrong with that. As I approach a door, I'm looking for things ahead. When I step into a room, I look around to get a feel for anything out of the blue. When I walk into a parking lot, I look acrossed it for anything suspicious or weak positions.

This alertness, although I haven't been jumped by a gang of ninjas exiting the back of a devlivery truck has kept me out of several accidents and keeps my woman happy because I walk her to her car every morning. Sounds like a win/win situation to me.


You claimed that women should categorically avoid having male friends.

No, I really didn't. Women can have male friends. However, if you want to hang out alone with him, and there are consequences, I think she should probably point the finger of accusation at the people who told her it was okay to hang out alone with men just as much as she should point the finger at herself for accepting the bad advice and the men who victimized her.

You claimed that anything less than stern criticism for failure of vigilance is an inappropriate response to any victim of any crime that will cause them to learn nothing from their experience

No, I really didn't do that either. I simply said that it might be time to stop telling people who put themselves in bad positions that they "didn't do anything wrong" so that they understand that they had the power to prevent it and others have the power to prevent such situations for themselves.

I believe that if people knew or understood their responsibility in keeping themselves safe, these stories would cease.


, and that it will spread mindless recklessness among their friends like a virus....

I'd change that to "continue to spread mindless recklesness among their friends". That she put herself in the position was reckless. I assume her friends would do the same.

You have the chance to say to those friends and everyone else,"This is why you shouldn't get in a car with a man if you want to keep yourself in one piece."

Mabye, rather than just help this person, you'd help prevent a lot of other stories like it if instead of saying she did nothing wrong (Again, nothing wrong is she wanted to avoid trouble?)...
Would you also answer the question about responsibility for advice given?
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