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Old 08-05-2007, 11:21 AM   #81
jennifer paige smith
 
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Dojo: Confluence Aiki-Dojo / Santa Cruz Sword Club
Location: Santa Cruz
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
I don't know how it should of been handled. I didn't criticize or praise the poster's actions. What I praised was that, rather than pretend that she couldn't prevent such a situation in the future, she learned the consequences of taking for granted that people will treat her in a fashion that she considers right.

My belief is that if we all took greater responsibility for the safety of ourselves and our children rather than rely on chance that nothing bad will happen or that the police can fix what has happened, this story wouldn't of developed.

I carry the same opinion if it were a man.

I will say that I think most of the posters who've talked about grooming and all this other crazy stuff are out of touch with reality. Up to the time the guy started using force, he didn't do anything that most guys, including myself, have done to get a woman when we're naive. It's a part of being a stupid kid. Maybe this dimwit didn't learn this lesson until the other day.

Calling his behavior all these crazy names is madness. As I understand it, in my grandparent's era, it was common to "run out of gas" on a lonely road. I'm sure some girls were hurt that way, I'm sure it was part of a long happy relationship for others. Should the foolish man who ran out of gas with the wrong girl and tried making out with her be hanged even though he stopped? Should he be stigmatized "just in case" he might, someday, hurt some girl?

You decide. I'd rather simplify and just have my daughter not hang out alone with boys.

EDIT: Another thing, in an effort to "prevent" this person from doing anything wrong in the future, what if he learned his lesson that day? What if he finds himself in a situation as I did yesterday being falsely accused of making inappropriate comments to kids about their mothers? What happens to him if he's falsely accused of rape? Because he made a stupid mistake, the false accusation becomes that much believable. It's a scary world where people don't take responsibility for their actions.
Women are accused of abuses everyday. Welcome to the club.

In you grandparents age it was also common for rape to go unreported and unprosecuted. It was also common to blame women for enticing men who couldn't 'help themselves' . And it was common for women to experience debilitating depression and suicidal preoccupations from the mis-conception that it was their fault.
Aikido is the art of loving protection for all beings. Protecting people from themselves and from hurting others and protecting ourselves from dangerous circumstances. This particular story, as it stands, accomplishes all of these things. Good Aikido, good training, good learning.

There is a lot of grey area between the black you call black and the white you call white.

And while I whole heartedly agree that people need take responsibility for themselves; I also know the consequence of violation and societies overarching and remaining views of women as too inadequate for real power yet held completely responsible for themselves.

Good Men do well to remember and to teach that they are the protectors of women in our society. While we struggle, while we learn, while we grow, while we attempt to maintain the innocence of the world in our hearts, for our children, and for our families we need protective men for our wellness. And we love you all on top of that.

Last edited by jennifer paige smith : 08-05-2007 at 11:26 AM.

Jennifer Paige Smith
Confluence Aikido Systems
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