If you are practicing aikido with the goal of beating an enemy you are not practicing aikido. Perhaps what you really are looking for is not aikido at all. In order to truly practice aikido you have to be willing to let go of the idea of winning and the notion that the other guy is your enemy.
I would suggest very much checking out Ikeda sensei in Boulder.
That's a judgement call on your part. There are four possible out comes to any situation. These are covered well in Aikido and the Dynamic Sphere. Beating your opponent is unfortunately necessary in some situations and nothing wrong with it as long as you are doing it for the right reasons, with compassion, and know within your heart that this is the only option.
Warriors, Soldiers, Marines, and Police Officers have taking on a huge responsibility to make tough decisions. I applaud any of them that come to an art like aikido to improve their skills. It may give them the ability to save lives on day.
Practicing a martial art, even aikido involves doing nasty things designed to dismember, disfigure, and kill. It is hypocritical IMO to sugar coat this and apply revisionistic philosophy to it and then profess a moral high ground.
Winning and losing. I always choose to win. Why would I choose anything other than that. Why is winning a bad thing? If there is one trophy and someone will go home with it, it will be me, or the better man. Sure if there are two, I'll share. In matters of life or death you need to be clear about being a winner. You need to understand what it takes to win and train yourself to make damn sure you will win.
Letting go of winning? Misinterpreted from Musashi I think. Not what he meant. You let go of the NOTION of winning at the moment of decision and give it no thought, but to be clear, you are all about winning.
Approaching a foe without primarily concerned about winning...when he is all about winning, means you will lose. Unfortunately not everyone shares your love and ability to reason.
Sorry to get on the soapbox on this, but it something that I care deeply about and I think is one of the largest areas that gets misinterpreted in Aikido. Of course, I still respect your views.