I don't know if "searching" applies to me, maybe pursuing? Basically, I really, really like aikido. Perhaps because it continues to astound (and frustrate) me. And I'm willing to go to great lengths to continue to be astounded (and frustrated). I just really like it. I was curious (I enjoy being curious) about all this IS stuff. I was recently fortunate enough to be able to experience a tiny taste of it and I was astounded. And for me, it is just highly enjoyable to pursue the astounding. Just me.