Got another one for ya. Let's see if I can type this:
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a shot and a beer. (stop me if ya heard this one
He's looking around, checking out this bar when he notices there's a jar full of twenty dollar bills up on the shelf behind the bar. On his next round when the bartender comes back, the guy asks "whats with that jar fulla money?" Bartender tells him: "It's a running bet. Cost you $20 bucks to try it, but if you win, you get all the money in that jar." Bartender looks all serious, leans on the bar and asks, "You interested?"
Guy says, "I dunno. What do I have to do?"
"Three things." says the bartender. "First, you see that big, ugly, musclebound jerk over there at the end of the bar? He's a regular and he's got a N A S T Y temper! You have to go over there and kick his a$$!"
Guy looks down at the big, ugly guy, drinks his shot and beer, orders another round, slams down a twenty and his drinks and says, "Be right back..."
Ten minutes later the guy stumbles back over to his stool and sits down. He has another (several) shots and beers. Bartender leans over to him, "Well? Think your ready for the rest?"
Drunk guy looks up at him, "Hell ya I'mf ready! Don uh luk ready tu yu? I whapped that ole' boy real good and I'll doo it agin if ya wanna!"
"Oh no.... no, no. I got two more things for you to do. The next thing is: we have a doberman guard dog out back. He's mean and the owner doesn't feed him enough. And now he's got a bad tooth! You're next task is to go out there and pull that tooth!"
Drunk guy looks at the back door, then at the bartender, then the back door again. "I dunno buddy. Was da last thing I gots ta do, hmm?"
Bartender looks at the drunk and tells him: " The 3rd and final thing is this... the owner's wife, Bertha, lives in the apartment upstairs. The owner is a jealous man and never lets that pretty little wife of his goes out and he SWARES he'll kill her and any man around if she's caught cheatin' on him. Last thing ya gotta DO
after the dog... is Bertha!
You live through THAT... and you get this money!"
Drunk guy eyes the bartender, takes a shot of whiskey, eyes the jar of money, stands up, tips his hat and tells the bartender, "uh'll be rite back."
Stomp, stomp, stomp... slam!
The old boy goes out back and everyone in the bar can hear terrible growling, barks, whimperin' and whining... for over thirty minutes the struggle goes on before the drunk comes stumbling back in again. He's a bloody and tore up mess of a man.
Drunk guy stumbles over to his stool, plops down and sips on his beer. When the bartender comes over, he leans in and says "Well?"
Drunk guy looks at him and says, "O.K.! Now then... where's this here little lady what got's a bad tooth??"
I know, I know... loses something in the translation, but DAMN that's a funny joke!!