Re: 6th kyu forever
An update... well, I finally tested and passed my 5th kyu test and with it I have a deeper respect for everything that this art requires. During the test, which literally took every ounce of sweat out of me, I realized how much I know and how much I have yet to learn. I discovered that some of my movements are a lot more fluid than others. I discovered that I favor one side over the other. I also discovered in a high-pressure situation, my instincts took over and I think my best Aikido came out for a short while. My Sensei praised me at the end of the test ("That was a prime test," he said) and when class ended, I sat down on the couch in the lounge area and was exhausted. I looked like I had just stepped out of the shower with my gi on! I just closed my eyes and rested for several minutes. Normally, you would think I would jump for joy, but I sat there with the realization that "Wow, it's over. I did it. Lots of work to do." I was not happy, I was not sad, I was just... at peace. I know this sounds corny, but the experience would've made more sense if I was totally exhilarated or crying because I was happy. I got changed and left the dojo as if it were just another day. When I came back to class the next day, my classmates who watched my test were more enthusiastic about my promotion than I was.
I'd like to thank all of you for helping me out of my misery and making me realize that good things take time to develop. Nothing should ever be rushed, especially Aikido.