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Old 08-22-2007, 04:41 PM   #16
mathewjgano's Avatar
Dojo: Tsubaki Kannagara Jinja Aikidojo; Himeji Shodokan Dojo
Location: Renton
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,225
Re: losing control...

Jess McDonald wrote: View Post
YOYO! So this morning at work I got into a rather vicious argument with a "friend". It got so bad that my boss had to stop me from charging at her and busting her head clean open . Now I know I did not display my aikido discipline and probably should of reacted differently and definitely not engaged in physical violence but it's so damn hard. I subconsciously switched off my rational thinking and was consumed by the anger to the point of wanting to inflict serious bodily harm against another.
Anyway, what do you guys think; how do you control your anger even when someone is dishonoring you? Do you think there's a point where your obligated to stand up for yourself even if violence may ensue? Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for your comments!! Late!!
P.S. remember this isn't irritation I'm talking about but blinding anger
I grew up with hot-heads and as I see it, it has very little to do with anyone but yourself. I don't care how vile and repugnant the words coming out of someone's mouth may be, it all comes down to you and how you choose to act. Maybe your subconscious is to blame like you indicated, I really can't say. I know one particular person who has blacked out past the first couple punches and had to be told about how he was pummeling someone on the ground. This same person, over time, has become quite conscious in their choices to not let things bother them so much...or more correctly, to not react in such a base manner. There's always a choice involved.
All that said, dishonor isn't something someone can do to you, in my opinion. Only you can dishonor yourself. Let the words fly; i could give two sh*ts. My self respect is high enough that when people verbally attack me, I realize quite quickly that it reflects only upon them. Now, if there's a grain of truth, or a few grains of truth, to what they're saying, I try to take that to heart, to learn from it, but beyond those "grains," who cares. It's worthless and reflects directly on those spitting it at me.
Practically speaking, violence is usually stupid. Of all the people I know who got into fights or beat someone up, none of them benefitted from it in any lasting way. They have nothing to show for these actions except for jail time or bruises on their knuckles and a lasting grudge that only got more complicated. Perspective perspective perspective.
I commend you for thoughfully trying to consider what happened, even though it's quite after the fact. None of us is perfect of course, but we are adaptible creatures and the ability to change which comes from that is profoundly useful. Good luck.
ps- with regard to "weakness:" you can never control what others think. I've often been viewed as weak. Truth is, they're right, but for the wrong reasons. We're ants on a small ball of dirt in the middle of vacuous space. We could all die at any moment from any number of things. We all have blind spots ("weaknesses") and anyone who thinks otherwise has a gapping hole of a weakness. Knowing you're ignorant makes you smarter; knowing you're weak makes you stronger. It's all relative. Gambatte!

Last edited by mathewjgano : 08-22-2007 at 04:52 PM.

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