I don't think we should get overly caught up on semantics. The aim of the wrist lock is to create a tight connection between yourself and your uke through the arm. If you can do that without torquing the wrist, then I don't have a problem with it.
I agree. This aspect is something that Shishiya sensei is very aware of.
I feel I should probably defend Shishiya sensei a bit here. He deliberately omits the wrist technique in order to demonstrate that hurting the wrist is not necessary to achieve an effective takedown with kotegaeshi. I have received his technique and I can vouch that it is certainly effective. Very difficult, often overly complicated, in many cases not the way I would do things, yet when he does it, it is effective. Although I don't train in his style any more, there are plenty of things that I have taken away from my year and a bit of training with him.
We have here a situation whereby we the readers watch a video posted such as the kote gaeshi vids. Unfortunately we cannot judge whether the kote gaeshi is effective/painful/forced or whatever.We only see the the waza , we cannot feel the waza.Also the other aspect is the mindset of the participants.By this I mean this.Is Tori cranking on the waza?Is Uke compliant /resistant/awkward ?So any criticism may well be flawed ,unless of course the waza is either well done or poorly executed.At the end of the day the only way to know if any waza is ok is to experience it.