odudog

You have to talk to your partner during practice that you want it harder or softer. Your partner doesn't know what you want until you tell them. This is especially true for people not of your dojo. At a testing a while ago, we had several dojos come over. I was doing iriminage with a female black belt from another dojo. I did it very gently. Yet she still complained about how I grabbed her neck. She told me not to do that again, which I didn't. But now I wasn't practicing. However, when it was her turn to practice, I noticed that she was now being rough with me! Pay back! I thought to myself "you gotta be kidding", but I just laughed internally. If I had practiced with a female black belt from my dojo, then there would have been no problem for she knows what is coming her way and I know just how much to tone it down yet still practice and not dance. So most guys will tone it down with until you tell them to go harder. That brute took the opposite approach by going full bore until you tell him to tone it down.