Thread: Uke's Message
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Old 12-24-2002, 09:08 AM   #10
opherdonchin
Dojo: Baltimore Aikido
Location: Baltimore
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 586
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I've been thinking about this and reading other people's answers and thinking some more. It's hard to see myself clearly.

A number of people have pointed out how much what they 'have to say' depends on nage. I think this is true for me, too, although maybe in a slightly different way. For me, as either uke or nage, it is a sense of affection and caring that I most would like to project when I work with my partner. There are people with whom this is a real struggle for me, and others towards whom it flows easily. I bind these experiences together with a feeling that I always try to project all the affection I can or all the affection I feel. Sometimes that's a lot, sometimes it isn't, but it should always be the best I can do.

A message that I'm clearer about trying to project (but that doesn't necessarily always get across) is that I don't feel like I 'know' very much and that I'm trying to figure it all out. I always feel this, so it isn't hard for me to feel like that's what I'm 'saying.' On the other hand, it isn't always heard very clearly.

In fact, I've had nage's tell me they hear the most bewildering variety of things from me. Some 'hear' me saying 'you don't know aikido and you're no good.' Other's hear me saying 'everything we do is ok and this primarily about having fun.' Some feel protected and cared for working with me while others feel threatened and uncomfortable. Some feel understood and others feel judged. I try to look in myself to understand how all the strange and different emotions get evoked, but I don't find it in myself. Perhaps it's there, but I tend to think more that each nage hears the things that speak to him or her.

Yours in Aiki
Opher
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