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Old 08-31-2005, 08:46 AM   #11
giriasis
Dojo: Sand Drift Aikikai, Cocoa Florida
Location: Melbourne, Florida
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 823
United_States
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Re: Attitude problems at Dojo.

Yes, you should not be a doormat to those kinds of people. I have experienced such persons a handful of times in the past 6 years of aikido training; however, such people are few and far between, at least where I train.

I have yet to read any comments from indicating that this particular person is domineering, but rather just "old enough to be your mom." What do you mean by that exactly? How is that relevant to your problem? Do you not think someone a woman your mother's age doesn't have something worthwhile to teach you? You know there are a lot of 40+ women who have incredible aikido? Would the situation be different if this senior student was old enough to be your father?

I get the impression you have about 6-8 months experience in aikido, and she's been doing this at least 3-5 years (long enough to be a "senior student"). If she is old enough to be your mom, yes, she might be "mothering" you a bit, but some women also tend to be more nurturing than men when they train -- at least I do. Does she you call you "hun" or "honey." I know I speak to the guys like that -- in a nurturing way.

Also, have you realized the other side of this coin? She might consider you a "young buck" who doesn't want to listen to her. She might be taking issue with you especially if she has noticed you appear to not have as much of a problem with the other senior students who correct you -- other senior students who might happen to be male? Just because she is old enough to be your mom or is female doesn't mean she doesn't know what she is talking about.

If a few senior students are allowed to co-teach then it might just be the modus operandi that these few senior student teach their juniors. Does the sensei state that there will be "no teaching" or does he not. Ask a senior student that you know well in this dojo to find out. If the sensei in the dojo hasn't corrected all the senior students that do this then he probably does find this behavior acceptable to some degree. He might be listening in on her instruction of you and feels that what she is saying is not "wrong" so he allows her to continue assisting you.

She is your senior (I mean aikido rank-wise, forget age) and she is trying to help you learn a technique to the best of her ability so try your best to accept what she has to offer. Perhaps she is just overwhleming you with too much information. (I think this really is the problem your having.) She might be going on and on because your ignoring her? I know I keep repeating a point until I see my partner respond in some manner. Often I get, "why" and then I explain why and they usually respond. Point out to her what you find helpful and that everything else is just overwhelming you. Maybe you understand what she is saying, but your body just isn't doing what you want it to do. Tell her you are used to doing something a different way and that you are trying your best to do things differently but your finding it really hard to switch gears. Comments like this are much more contstructive than asking someone to be quiet or just ignoring them thinking that you know better.

Part of learning to be a senior student is learning what to say to the junior so they learn and not to say to a junior student to not overwhelm them. Part of learning to be a senior student IS learning to teach and learning how to teach. Finally, part of learning to be a senior student is in explaining a technique you discover exactly how well you understand a technique. She will not learn this if you just ignore her, or ask her to be quite to let the sensei teach.

Of course I'm assuming that this person really isn't on an ego-trip and that she is just having a hard time working with you as much as you are having a hard time working with her. Much can be smoothed over by talking to the person getting to know her a little better after class. Maybe she sees you as a son, or perhaps as a son she never had? Who knows, but when a sempai trys to take you under thier wing it's usually not an ego thing. The egotistical people I've seen don't bother taking on a kohai.

Anne Marie Giri
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