I am beginning to think that you and i possibly don't necessarily disagree, but see the world and see things differently.
Then again it may just be semantics..
I try very hard to bring these Big Strong Guys(tm) to an understanding of proper martial bearing as being simple relaxed poise. I try to bring along the opposite type -- the limp-dishrag "I just don't want to hurt anybody" to the same middle ground from the opposite pole.
I would say, i do neither. I would simply present the opportunity and the situation and conditions for them to discover things on their own. In my opinion, "trying very hard tobring them to an understanding" means that I am imposing what I want them to learn. To me, this means what I have to teach you is much more important that what you need to discover for yourself. Some what egoistic in my view. (not meant to be a flame on you.)
Maybe it is just semantics. but I think we are really getting to the core, core, core of things that are important in teaching and life. I think when we get this deep into things it is important to split hairs and discuss such issues, not as an argument to say "i'm right, your wrong", but to analyze thoughts and philosophies to see how things tick!
I don't think question of "right and wrong", I just think we may see things slightly different.
Thanks for challenging my thoughts. I have alot to think about from your writings!